JTOL – Are Filipinas Really All That Jealous?

are filipinas really all that jealous

“Are Filipinas Really All That Jealous?”  That’s the question of the day in this segment of Just Thinking Out Loud.  Is there any truth to stereotypes?  Where did this belief come from?

 Shouldn’t all women be pretty much the same everywhere?  Well, the short answer to that question is; No.  You have to take the local culture into account because the values and perceptions people (male and female) are raised with has an impact on their views as adults.  There are social paradigms in play with each different culture which feed certain beliefs.  If women in the Philippines believe (a) having a foreigner for a boyfriend/husband is desirable.. but also believe (b) foreigners are notorious philanderers.. and then combine it with (c) all other Filipinas are definitely out to steal their man.. well, the scenario for jealousy has been prepared.  And that is a lot of what we Expats encounter when we begin to interact and date with Filipinas.

It starts online, even before you ever buy your plane ticket to get here.  So, be prepared.  But also understand that while jealousy can cause problems, the interweaving of jealousy and love in the Filipina culture is tightly woven.  It comes with the territory, you might say.  So when your Filipina girlfriend or wife manifests jealousy, on the one hand you need to see it from her point of view.. while at the same time drawing some clear lines about what sort of behavior is and is not healthy for your relationship.

Constant suspicion and accusation quits being ‘cute’ very quickly.  It can be emotionally draining and, I believe, in some cases cause a man to seek a less stressful female companion.. thus bringing the very thing she feared into reality.  It’s a cruel irony that doesn’t end well.  So the best thing to do is be prepared for it.  Don’t get caught up in the emotions and arguments.  Do what is necessary to build a healthy relationship so that the negative effects of jealousy don’t mess with your mutual bliss.

Henry “Reekay” V.
www.lifebeyondthesea.com

17 comments

  1. great video Henry…as a single man looking for a pinay wife..and having only “dated” online,im sure this information will be priceless when i come face to face with exactly the scenario you talked about.and i have some new insiight in some behaviors i have seen a little of from girls i have talked to.i enjoy your articles and video immensely and always look forward to them showing up on my fb page.

    1. It’s interesting to me that over the years, I have heard more men gush out wonderful things about their Filipina wives compared to what many men have to say about their American wives. Most common thing I hear about Filipina wives is, “She treats me like a king.. it makes me want to do anything for her.” Whereas the most common thing I’ve heard from men married to American women has been, “Damn, it’s been 5+ years of marriage and I gotta bargain with her for sex.” Not all Filipinas are great and not all American women are bad.. but the culture plays a huge part in how each different woman views her husband. Here, they look up to them and want to keep their husband happy. Back home in the US, it seems more like working out a business-to-business deal at times. Just a few thoughts, after 50 years of watching and taking notes. 🙂

    1. Thanks. I try to be as fair yet objective as possible. I look at the overall, grand trend of society’s impact. There’s always a ‘story’ to show ‘this’ or ‘that’ is possible. But it’s the big numbers that count because that’s what the odds say you are most likely to encounter.

      Take my Mom and Stepdad for instance. They met on a Saturday and only five days later, they were married. They were happily married for over 35 years until he passed away. But that one single incident doesn’t mean quick-marriages will last. The overall odds were totally against them. Same with Am-Fil marriages.. it comes down to whether the man can handle the jealousy and how much the Filipina is dishing out. If they can find a happy median.. it makes for a very happy marriage. 🙂

  2. Hi Henry,
    Well, chaperones have been part of the culture for a long time. Remember Henry, if a Filipina meets a nice foreigner with some nice foreigner who seems to be a decent man with other good qualities, he is viewed as a gem or “good catch” and if marriage to that person is a possibility, this could be a real “life changer” for them and their family. Because Filipinas, once they choose a partner, they know that they will be very loyal and loving, and they feel confident that they are the best choice for that man, and don’t want him to get away or get stolen away by another Filipina.
    That’s the situation for foreign men here it seems anyway, because they are also viewed by Filipinas’ and their families as men with reputations as womanizers or men willing to play the field, and not necessarily interested in courting a woman or even being respectful. Not that all foreigners are like that, but they tend to be stereotyped due to the antics of some foreign visitors and residents here.
    As far as the average Filipino men in the province, I don’t observe husbands as being really any more womanizers as anywhere else, In many average Filipino marriages, it’s often the wife that is enterprising and often a breadwinner and handler of the family’s budget. The family is still very important and powerful in keeping marriages going well.
    Among wealthy Filipina women, at least in popular culture many women married to a wealthy or prominent man, are willing to turn a “blind eye” to mistresses, as long as they are the legal wife. In the Tagalog gossip shows there are always rich men who die and there is a fight over who is the legal inheritor, the present mistress or the original wife. Sometimes you hear “she has the soup, but I have the meat”
    Being an American woman married to a Filipino man, I can only go with my own observations, and they might not necessarily be viewed as any more true or accurate than anyone elses.

    1. Yes, there’s a different approach to life people have here.. either having lived in the city or the province. And that applies to both Filipino men as well as women. The old-school values are strongest in the province. Present in the city to a large degree since many girls leave the province to provide for their parents by working in the city. The other correlating factor seems to be wealth. The wealthier men living in the city are the most likely to have a mistress, whether Filipino or Foreigner. I’ve met at least 3 Filipino men who have had mistresses for years, even children with them while living with their marital wife and family. A fourth man was Japanese with a wife in Philippines and a Filipina mistress who I met as she came by to pick him up. In the US, men do cheat, and it’s usually a hit-and-run, one-night-stand approach. But here, the mindset is that if a wealthy man wants to keep a mistress, he needs to provide her a monthly allowance in addition to gifts, etc. Although surprisingly I’ve known two poor Filipino men who somehow manage to keep a mistress anyway.

      Bottom line.. it’s a whole other world here and there are financial as well as religious factors in play that are not the same as in the US.

      1. Hm…. Almost two years later I read this discussion. My storey is a little different. I am about 71 and an American. I am also a polygamist. My third wife is a Filipina from Mindenao. So even though she was catholic, she was used to Muslims and polygamy. We met on the Internet where I clearly state that I live polygamy. Some girls have not so nice comments to make, others are curious but also some are okay. Their concerns are normally this: Okay, do not cheat on me, do not leave me. Love me, be honest and treat me with respect. I tell them upfront, that i have no sexual relationship with them until we are married in my church. My other wives now email with her, video stream, skype, hangout etc. They are the best of friends. When women know that they are loved, treated like a queen, respected and asked for advice, they loose the jealousy to a large extend, and filipinas go through hell and back for you. She is an awesome wife that soon will have left the Philippines.

  3. OH GOSH, SO TRUE..at first my husband get irritated on me being kinda jealousy but now found him more open and just answer me like normal and he always make me feel that I don't have to be jealous cause he's all mine, but sometimes cant stop asking him like I get jealous, this is really worthy of time to watch 😀

  4. “Are all Filipinas really all that Jealous?” Ha ha.. Yes very accurate and I can totally relate. I actually wonder how my bf can stand my being so possessive of him. I am just glad he is so understanding. I am just wondering, have you ever heard of foreigners cheating on their Filipina wife? And do u think that going out of country to meet the man u loved so much online is a great idea? I am about to meet my 4mos Aussie bf in another country. He is almost thrice older than I. He really seems so nice online, so honest and assuring. He will provide me a ticket and he helped me with my passport, etc. He is the best thing that ever stumbled in my virtual world. I hope u can give me some advice on this.

  5. The video on jealousy helped alot. I needed the perspective of her side of things and how I am the rare sought after item here. And you were right about if the roles were reversed. I mean I live in Alaska and she would be really sought after. Because she is friendly the guys would mistake that as some kind of come on. But the most important thing you said was total transparency. I won't go anywhere with out her and she has all my usernames and passwords. We will be living outside of Tacloban. Thank you again.

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