Author: Reekay V.
Since 2012 I’ve been traveling through various islands of the Philippines as a full-time Expat and spent 1999 living in Vietnam.
Share with me my ongoing adventures of life in the Philippines. Hopefully you find my observations helpful in your own adventures.
— Reekay
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Yeah it’s all about boundaries which i set very early on and have never been asked for money by any of her siblings or her father but we give a few thousand pesos every month to the dad the only thing that i’ve complained about is that we’re the only ones helping her father even though there are 5 other brothers and sisters which are not helping at all and i’ve shamed every one of them for it but apparently it hasn’t done any good yet because we’re still the only ones helping
That is not true my love only help sometimes her family not all the time and they do not ask money from me maybe i’m just lucky chap
very wise advice and instructions, Reekay you rock sir!
4 years in , her sister asked me for an advance for her new baby Dr. check up. (dad is fully in the picture with decent job) I said nope. She hasn’t chatted me since. That’s fine. I DON”T CARE !
Just this weekend we visit naynay in province. Funny how her brod w/all those kids come down off the mountain when “joe” in town. I gave in a little this time but VERY good vid again !! T/y
I got that information from the Filippina Pea attorney interview vlog
What do you think I got that information?
Sound and sensible advice from someone who has experienced it.
Have your boundaries and strategy in place BEFORE you have to deal with it.
My solution is an easy one. I wouldn’t date a girl that doesn’t have a career. What she does with her money is her business. What I do with mine is my business. The culture demands that I behave this way. My preference is to keep my distance from the family. We only visit once a month usually.
Filipino culture doesn’t respect boundaries or privacy. You are extremely lucky if your girls family is willing to accept boundaries and respect privacy. Going against cultural norms can be a problem.
None of the newer PH tubers could possibly know this stuff. Glad you’re posting again Reekay. Great stuff on this 1
I didn’t hear this strictly hear this from expats but from other Filipinas online. There was one who was once married to an expat and they had a channel. They split up a couple of years back.
And the only way to change that if I was married to a Filipina is have a prenup. which suddenly stops the family digging into my pockets by law
It is not just the family that puts pressure on her. You have the local baranguay captain, the minister of her church, a whole line of friends and relatives that she has not seen in years. And the list goes on forever. Be careful as there is intense pressure put on her as long as you are together. This applies to OFWs as well.
Oh… AI produced content… 1:53 second lady from the left side… how many fingers she have ?!
Money is the BIGGEST issue on expat channels for a good reason.
I am leaning heavily towards retirement in the P.I., but I really don’t see the point of any kind of romance there or here, in the Western world.
We all know Fun Guys who enjoy women without any sort of compensation–guess what?
Those guys are in the P.I. as well.
I won’t be a fifty-something paying cash money for what a twenty-something guy gets for a smile.
Let her parents ask that handsome and charming young Pinoy to marry her, raise they kid, and support them instead.
This is brilliant!
Great advice as usual…. Knowing that the basis many women select a western guy as a partner is the fact that most can upgrade their life and also their families…
This is a very healthy boundary element to have at the Beginning..
It actually is projecting respect for yourself and them to acknowledge it….
I have observed so many western men not setting proper boundaries at the beginning and having to pay to cost and misery.
Your point about helping her parents and not the other siblings etc… is a very good point… because as a westerner we are coming from a much different reality.. Where most have pensions and safety nets in our old age. And that the Philippines do not..’
So as a result… the parents do depend upon their children.
This is a reality that one must take into consideration..
Thanks for giving a wider viewpoint on these matters.
Cheers..
The Filipina pea just put out a video stating that there is a law in the Philippines that a child or a child’s husband must support the family if they have the means you should look at that video
Hi Henry. There’s a little twist (two actually) on this that I became aware of recently. Under Philippines law, a child is responsible to help out their parents, not the grown siblings that sit around drinking all day instead of getting a job, “to the best of their abilities”. It’s not just a cultural, moral issue, it’s law. Unless you have a prenup keeping your assets separate, again, under Philippines law, half of what is yours becomes hers when you marry. I would strongly suggest hiring a real good attorney prior to getting married. Filipina Pea and her Attorney friend Gracie just did a video about this. That same law also obligates the older children to help out with the educational expenses of their younger siblings, again, “to the best of their ability”. Again, marital assets would be included in that “best of their ability ” unless there was a prenup separating assets.
The other thing is something I always suspected when I lived there, but never really looked into, again confirmed in one of Pea’s recent videos. Pea was interviewing 4 young ladies and the question came up, something to the effect of “If your family and your husband just didn’t get along, and it couldn’t be fixed, who would you choose?”. Three of the four, in less than a heartbeat, said “family”. The fourth gave a more intelligent reply, something to the effect of “If they really loved me, neither side would put me in that position”, but I got the feeling that if push came to shove, it would be “family” too.
Just some food for thought.
My first relationship that I was in with a Filipina her family had the mindset of they was going to benefit. It didn’t take 1 to 2 months before I was getting messages from random family members saying that they had the okay from her to ask me for help. With that situation it didn’t take long to figure out what was going on. Especially when it was proposed to me that her aunt who was OFW, one of her sisters who has a foreigner, and me contribute together to buy a brand new SUV.
How it was proposed to me was I would contribute 125,000 pesos and so would the other two to combine the 375,000 peso down payment. At first it seemed to far-fetched but after searching itactually that was probably a respectful down payment for the type of SUV they was wanting. However here was the catch, so when I asked what would be my contribution for the monthly payment she told me ph25,000 monthly. I didn’t say nothing so I went back and searched it again and the monthly payment would have been around ph30,000 monthly. Obviously they thought that I would never look or even think to look. So what they was trying to do was me contribute 25,000 and then the other two contribute 2,500 each. Needless to say I laughed at it. What was even more funny was the expressions of their face when I sent themm the information of what I knew. Seems odd that after that they always use the word clever when they would describe how I am. Just as an FYI the sister who had the foreigner was here in the United States. That sister was the one who basically scammed a man for a visa to get over here then after she got over here ran off in the middle of the night to her real boyfriend which in return threw a whole big bunch of red flags up in that relationship I was in at that time. I was long gone shortly after that.
Now my current relationship, which by the way I’m getting married to her on May 15th, is excellent. Other than her oldest brother her family’s been nothing but excellent. Looking forward to the good times.
Keep up the good information
You should watch the latest drop from the Filippina Pea. An attorney lays out the Philippine LAW that you are legally bound to support her parents AND her brothers and sisters. Although your vlog info makes sense, it is also worth bearing in mind your obligation under the law.
I’m retired in Mexico and I can see some similar things. However my Filipina girlfriend has six siblings and some of them have six and seven children. You’ll never get ahead having that many children unless you are very well off.
Some of the best advice about the Philippines I have heard so far, thank you.
If you marry a Filipina, chances are her friends and her family will be hitting her up for money.
I have to imagine it isn’t easy for FILIPINA PEA to exist as her friends and family are all over her for cash. She released that video recently about whether or not family can hold you liable in court for “support” and I see a lot of responses centered around that question.
Frankly, I have no problem with my Filipina send money to her parents so long as #1 it’s not hurting her pockets or earning potential and #2 they aren’t abusing her.
Her friends slip into my DMs all the time begging me for loans. My Wealth is obvious as I have multiple properties so they think they can just ask and thou shalt receive. I’ve said no plenty of times to plenty of them – yet some of them come back asking again later on as if the situation changed.
Solid advice thankyou. Hopefully I won’t need it when meeting my LDR in Bohol next week
Loan them some money. If they come looking for more tell them you can’t loan any more money until the last loan is repaid. Emergencies can be taken on a case by case basis. I would expect the parents to have worked as long as I have. My family has loaned each other over the years. Always repaid. Always appreciated. That’s how it works. No interest. No definite repayment schedule, but Always repaid. That is how I would expect things to be. Remember that if you marry a Filipina then her family becomes your family. Keep that in mind.
Best topic for a long time, no hear…
Excellent advice
Taking a year to figure out whether she will make a good wife…. I like to think of it this way, Taking a year for both of you to figure out if each of you and the other will make a good husband and wife. In other words, the man should not only be considering whether or not she would make a good wife, but also whether he can be for her a good husband… And the same dynamic with the woman. She should not only be trying to determine if he will make a good husband but also if she would make him a good wife.
And I think you probably meant that, but didn’t go into the granular details
When LDRing with my now wife she lived on a family compund, i could see on video calls children going in and out of the house at will, I observed the kids climbing and jumping on the furniture, I told my wife that we will not live close to her family but not to far away, about 30 minutes. Thankfully her family does not ask for money, we do give her mother money from time to time
Sound like a good game plan I can use. Otherwise, I think I would put my foot in my mouth trying to set boundaries
Will she support your parents. I think not. It’s not our fault her parents chose to use their daughter as social security. Modern day slavery
I have to really really really be in love to support the entire family for any filipina ..Maybe I should ask upon meeting them “Do you have brothers or Sisters” to get an insight on her. Cause my support to her mom and dad will not be an issue I will not support an entire family…I will just be alone if that is a qualification to be with a Filipina..Don’t Doubt me..Thx for the insight
Why the hell, at retirement age, should I…
1) get married
2) cohabitate
3) impregnate
4) raise some other fool’s kids
5) tie myself down inconveniently
6) throw away all the peace, quite, rest, adventure and fun.. that I had been working my whole life for
7) make myself more valuable dead than alive
8) support an entire clan of strangers that weren’t there for me when my a$$ was in pain working with ailments all those years
9) give into a self defeating trend of stu_pid decision making
10) make myself more miserable with drama
11) leave one stressful life for another
12) put myself at a disadvantage
13) subject myself to people’s bullsh$t
14) do anything other than enjoying my life in my retirement?
WHY???
To each it’s own!
✌️