Today’s question from a reader hits on the issue of finding a good Filipina for a wife. What is the best approach? Where to look? How to go about the dating process? These things and more we’ll be taking a look at in this segment.
Question: “I’ve read your numerous valuable articles and I’m now planning to visit the Philippines. I like your web site and I want your opinion. I’m single and planning to visit Cebu. I plan to seriously go slowly and take my time and be very selective who I choose to date. I’m not into any night clubs or girly bars. I’m looking for the real thing and that is why I’m avoiding the internet relationships completely. I plan to meet a special young lady face to face by visiting numerous retail & commercial businesses and just being a nice friendly person with every one I meet and see what responses I get.”
“I’ve been to the Philippines several times and on my last visit, I felt like I was a Hollywood movie-star the way young women looked at me in my hotel, in the restaurants and in the retail businesses. I discovered that meeting someone on the internet was a complete waste of my time. It is so easy to meet single women in the Philippines face-to-face. The young ladies where almost falling at my feet when I was last in the Philippines a couple years ago. It’s almost like a candy store wherever I went. I’m planning to visit Cebu maybe for a month or more. Maybe meet a special young woman in Cebu. Take my time and get to know each other. If we become best friends, then maybe after 6 months, if she is the woman of my Dreams, I’m seriously considering living on super scenic, laid back, peaceful Bohol island. My goal is to live at least two hours by sea away from my woman’s family and relatives in Cebu.”
“On the other hand, my main focus is finding a home and living on Bohol island full time and just visit Cebu by ferry anytime for fun and shopping. My question is, am I doing the right thing by going to Cebu city initially for several months & looking for and meeting a good woman & best friend in Cebu first before going to Bohol island? Since I am seriously considering living full time on Bohol in the near future and want to get to know the island, what order should I do this in!?”
“What is the possibility of my meeting a good-hearted young woman on Bohol island compared to in Cebu? Should I stick with Plan A and meet someone special & get married, and then move a safe distance away from her family and relatives? Or should I give some thought to Plan B and go directly to Bohol and meet a good woman in the Tagbilaran area of Bohol island?”
“You have some Good advice about some very important things and I just want to get your opinion. Anything that will cut down my learning curve I will greatly appreciate. Also, is there any particular restaurant in the Tagbilaran area that English speaking foreign residents congregate at weekly where I might meet some new future friends and neighbors on Bohol island? I like the idea of living full time on scenic laid back Bohol Island and then take the fast ferry to Cebu sometimes for shopping/fun and then return by fast ferry to my future home on Bohol. It’s a dream today, but it does make good sense to me, because I prefer the countryside 100% and only visit the big city whenever I wish. I will appreciate any information you can give me. My goal is to completely reinvent my life and the Philippine islands are the most affordable US-friendly, English speaking, super scenic country that seems to have everything I need or want to live every day of the rest of my life as a vacation day with my future family and good friends in the Philippines. Thanks Henry!“ — From D.A.
Henry: Hello D.A.,
Well, first let me say that you are so on-target already with the way you are looking at your transition to life here. It’s something of my goal with this site to help more guys come to the conclusions you’ve come to on your own. My strong advice to anyone new to the Philippines is;
- Take it easy, go slow.
- Know what you want.
- Have a plan.
So let me congratulate you first on having your head on straight about the Philippines. This place is intoxicating and too many guys lose their balance (and their money) by not thinking it through or being unaware of what’s out here, good and bad.
There are pros and cons to each plan you talked about. So let’s take a look at each;
Plan A — Meet a good woman in Cebu and move her to Bohol.
Okay.. with this plan, here are the ‘pros’; There are plenty, plenty of good women in the
Cebu/Mactan area. Especially in the poorer areas of Lapu-Lapu. And in downtown Cebu also. However, being the ‘big city’.. the scammer-women are mixed in to a high degree and only time will sniff out their agenda. Another plus is that if you move her to Bohol, you’ll always have some distance to keep her family from just dropping in asking for money on a moment’s notice.
Now, on the down side.. if she’s one of the good, responsible girls working in the mall that you mentioned you’re interested in, you’ll run into a few issues. For one, that job was a minor miracle for her to get and she’s most likely the chief breadwinner for her family. So expect that she’s not going to give up that job easily, maybe not even until after you’re married. From her perspective, you might flake out on her after she quits her job and then she’s left hanging with nothing. The good thing is that she won’t be so in a hurry about the relationship. She will be willing to take her time getting to know you. Unlike the scammer-women, who are looking to have a very quick payoff between the time they flatter you and begin asking for a new phone, rent money, food money, etc. Another thing, and I don’t think this will be a problem for you, but the Filipinas with their own income and independence need a bit more romancing and courting. They are very interested in marriage with a foreigner, but because they have a bit of security already, they are more likely to want to see that you truly are serious and not just some fly-by-night ‘sexpat’ blazing through town for three weeks.
So, if you really find a gem of a girl who fits everything you’re looking for.. you’ll need to take the time to hold off on the sex, meet her parents, spend time with her whole family and properly court this girl. Do this and you can have any girl you want here for a wife. I think you already know this. But so many guys just kind of go-thru-the-motions in a rushed manner to get her in bed and these Filipinas can sniff that out. Despite the high demand for foreigners, too many of these girls know a girl who got used and tossed by some foreigner who promised everything.. and then bailed once he got her in bed.
On a side-note, to any men just interested in meeting Filipinas for some sex and fun during your visit here; I’m all for that. My only thing is, be up front about it. There are plenty of Filipinas here who know ‘the game‘ and are totally on-board with some non-committal sex in exchange for a week or so of being your vacation ‘personal tour-guide’. I’m not talking about Pros (though the semantics are the same). I’m talking about otherwise, everyday, cute girls who have nothing else going on who, when asked up front, “Hey, you and I seem to get along.. I’m only here for a week, how about you hang out with me for a few nights and we go some places?, my treat.” Now, in your home country most girls would get offended. And there’s a small chance that will happen here too. But here there are lots of girls who will respond, “Can you wait while I get some clothes packed?” These type of girls are out here. I know, just trust me on this. What I am against is leading a good-girl on with false promises of a relationship/marriage, having sex and then leaving her broken-hearted when you disappear. That’s just not cool in my book. Life is hard enough here without adding sorrow to some girl’s hopes and dreams. Makes it harder for the guys who ARE serious to have any credibility. So, if you want to date on a serious level.. tell them. If you just want some short-time fun, no strings attached.. tell them. That way everybody is on the same page with the proper expectations.
Plan B — Move straight to Bohol and find a good woman locally.
The first positive with this approach is that you can begin right away to explore Bohol’s geography and take your time finding your ideal place to retire long-term. There are the beach areas, tourist areas (Panglao), the inner province areas, the city areas of Loon and Tagbilaran and the northern end of the island. By moving here unattached, you can find a temporary place to stay as you explore with sandals-on-the-ground at your leisure. But trying to find your perfect spot with the little Missus tagging along that you found in Cebu.. and you’re likely to end up making compromises if she doesn’t like the same places you like. However, if you find your perfect retirement place first and then meet a woman on Bohol.. when things get serious you can tell her, “This is where I’m going to live. Do you 
want to be a part of that for the long-term?” Ever shopped with a woman for a dress or a house? Then you know what I mean. Much better to find where you want to retire first, and then find a woman who is on board with that.
Another positive is that Bohol is a much cleaner and relaxing place than Cebu. No two ways about it. You’ll be enjoying the tropical life, not enduring the ‘city’ life of smog, trash and crime. It’s on Bohol too.. but to a far lesser degree. It’s like comparing Mayberry to downtown Los Angeles. And, as I do myself.. every so often when I want some ‘big city’ action.. I jump on the ferry and in 2 hours I’m back in Cebu for a few days.
On the down-side, if she was born and raised on Bohol then her family is likely to be only a Jeepney ride away. I’m sure you’re already familiar with the challenges that can bring regarding borrowed money and loss of privacy. Now, the good thing is that many girls I’ve met here came here to work and their family is one or two islands away. So with a bit of patience you’ll easily find one of these girls. Another minor thing to consider is that dating two or more women on an island as small as Bohol as you are trying to narrow down who you’re going to get serious with.. good luck trying to keep them from finding out about each other. ha! You and I know it takes time to make a long-term relationship decision. These girls are on the fast-track to marriage. See my video on Jealous Filipinas if you haven’t already. Here, they just do not accept the concept of a guy dating several women at once. If you aren’t exclusive to them right away, they will give you hell over it. So, on an island as small as Bohol and with the ICM mall or Panglao being the main areas to take a girl.. your best bet is to date just one girl at a time when looking for a wife.
Now, on that note.. do what I’ve done for years. I always dated just one girl at a time in the States. But when I met a new one, I gave it 2 months. Most times within a few dates or weeks I just knew she wasn’t the one for me and either she or I ended it, usually on a good note. Then.. off to the next candidate. If she made it past the 2 month mark, I reviewed how things were going at the 6 month mark. By then things were kinda ‘serious’. And if they make it past 9 months.. you just might have a ‘keeper’ on your hands. So consider using that approach here for serious dating with finding a good wife as the goal. Even when you find the right one.. time invested is a good thing.
I am confident that as long as you stick to your intentions and keep your eye on the horizon, you’ll find yourself the totally perfect woman to be your wife. Never a perfect woman, but perfect for you. It’s just a matter of staying focused. Because on any island here, there are those dangerous ‘cuties’ who will use their best mojo to get you into their web just to bleed you out financially. Remember, you’re always in the best position to bargain when you’re the one willing to walk away from the deal. Don’t let the gold-digging bad-apples tell you what they want or “how its gonna be“. If you get any of that nonsense, just walk away. Stick to the plan and get that woman you have in your mind. She’s out there, just take your time finding and courting her properly. Your ‘future’ Self will thank you for years.
Henry “Reekay” V.
www.lifebeyondthesea.com
Author: Reekay V.
Since 2012 I’ve been traveling through various islands of the Philippines as a full-time Expat and spent 1999 living in Vietnam.
Share with me my ongoing adventures of life in the Philippines. Hopefully you find my observations helpful in your own adventures.
— Reekay
good article and great advice, Henry. I have been through a long hard journey with my son dating filipinas online. and i will say it is very hard, but not impossible by any means, for a man to find a special woman, one just right for him, while dating online. If I were D.A. I would not totally dismiss that. when he gets there, he may want to meet some girls near the area he is at, through a dating website. but, if he has never done that before, which I have the feeling he has, then he should proceed with much caution. she will have sisters, cousins, friends so if she turns out not to be the one for him then he has still met a lot of girls. also, if he is a “country boy” I think he should not seek out a girl from Cebu. My sons experience with that is, the big city girls will cost you a lot of money. The girls coming from the Province are the most genuine, loving and caring and for many of them money is not the main objective. No offense, city girls, but this is my sons observation.
My son was approached by entire families looking for money and using their cute little relative to attract the foreigners. Every time, those were cebu people. also, my advice is, dont completely dismiss the girls family. not all families are bad and some dont try to bleed their new son in law dry. they could be a benefit to your adjustment and loneliness there in the Philippines. If she is the right girl for you, then it will be the right family too. If he hasn’t already, he should make a list of wants and dont wants and use it to see the warning signs of potential gold diggers, her family is most important in her life, her career comes first, and she wont take time for a real relationship. there are many warning signs and when the red flags go up, back off. move on to the next. Set your goals, and stay on track.
It will be easy to become “side tracked” with so many beautiful women there. dont wrap your heart up tightly in anyone until you have spent many many hours of in-depth discussions about your lives, ambitions, goals and desires. two souls have to connect before the relationship is worthy of going any further. good luck to you D.A. and I know she is out there somewhere waiting for you. you will find her when the time is right.
Good words to share, thanks. Personally, I believe an online dating site is only useful after you’re physically here. From a distance, it’s to easy to get caught into an online version of communicating.. which is not the same as a relationship. People think it’s the same, it’s not. Men fool women out of their savings all the time by pretending to be something they aren’t (minister, widower, humanitarian, model, etc.). And they succeed because anybody can be anything online. In fact, some percentage of these female scammers are not even female and don’t even live in the Philippines. They are just a collection of photos stolen from someone’s facebook page by a guy in Nigeria who claims he(she) doesn’t know how to operate a webcam. To me, in person.. face to face is how a relationship is built.. one day at a time for at least 9 months to a year before making any promises.
Well written and good words of advice.
Thanks, and thanks to D.A. for letting me share from his email to me on this. 🙂
Hi Reekay… I was wondering your opinion about real conversation and interaction with Fillipina’s. I have read some opinions that say having a Fillipina wife is like marrying a child.. the conversational level is like that. I know generalizations are stupid but what is the average Fillipina like in conversation…? Do they like to talk about the world, politics, and books..? Of course it would depend somewhat on education, but your insight would be greatly appreciated. Thanks
They would sound like a child if they are not highly educated. I am a filipina myself, and I would recommend knowing someone really well before having a commitment with her. Choose filipina women who are educated and have jobs themselves. Would be best so they won’t just milk you for the money. (if you are going for the long haul)Morever, our culture promotes hospitality and close family ties. A real deal would not let you easily get her to bed and let you go through the filipino culture of courtship and marriage. We do have liberated women who might not need that, but you could use all the caution you can if you want to marry one. If you are only looking for “short-term companions” be careful with where your wallet and card goes.
Hello Henry,
I try to read your information that you have place on “Livingbeyondthesea”on a daily base and all of it have been very good information which I find to be real and truthful. I concur with you whole heartly on waiting until you are there before making any commitments to anyone. You are also right about the number of sites attempting to sale you chat times when you don’t who or what they are over the internet and what you are getting.
I believe as you stated in one of your informative dialogue that quoted, ” What do you see when you walk down a street” unquote and always remember to do the best that you can with what you got. I have been thinking about those two statements, a lot.
Very good Henry, a superd job for you and your misses (Lyn).
Keep up the good work,
It is my plan to retire there also, this winter coming is the goal. Just to look and observe, for I have spent many dayus in Manila and Boracay. I really get along with the people and admire their customs and cultures. I am these days a looker, seeer and maybe, no hurry, learn to be patience, listen and communicate. Respect given and perhaps it will be returned.
Thank you, Sir.
Hang around, I coming.
Samuel
You are right about some family selling/pimping their children which is a sad reality.
I guess, regional values play a factor. People from the northernmost Luzon tend to be more conservative, not only in values but in intermarriage as well. They tend to prefer marry their own — mostly among Ilocanos and Cordillerans.(Ironically, these two groups tend to marry each other, LOL! Language factor maybe, a lot of Cordillerans speak Iloco as their second language). While people in the Visayas and Christian areas in Mindanao tend to prefer to “out marry”.
Sidenote: to those foreigners who think Filipino food are too sweet, try Ilocano dishes..they tend to taste a bit bitter (due to bittergourd) and compared to your “mainstream” Filipino dishes, Ilocano dishes are rich in vegetables
Thanks for the observations. I’ve spoken with people from those areas but I’ve never been there. Me, I love my food on the sweet side. (Just like my women. ha!)
Hello Henry: The best place to start for D.A. is to hang out with you for a while in Bohol. He can’t seek lifetime relationships on a fast track.
Very true. In fact, my very FIRST time that I visited Ayala Mall in Cebu.. I was only on the property 8 minutes, I hadn’t even gotten inside yet and already a ‘working girl’ was giving me her pitch. The problem with places where lots of foreigners hang out is that the scammer-women go there like sharks to a school of fish. The smaller towns and provinces are where the nicer girls are found more easily. In Cebu, they are there also, but it’s like separating the wheat from the chaff.
hey henry
good advise. I was wondering if you got a chance to think about my last “Ask Henry” question about places to live in Cebu?
Yes, still plan on covering that, just been busy with lots of video editing. I did cover some basic prices for housing in the following video but I plan to cover a more detailed budget when I do your reply. Info on housing prices; http://youtu.be/vHk3lTR0Ezo
What do you think of lloilo city, PH? I met friends from there who offered for me to stay at there house. I am losing hope in finding an american wife. I grew up in southern CA too. I have dated between 500-1500 women and have slept with close to 200. But I haven’t found one girl I wanted to marry. Which is all I wanted all along. But I just ended up sleeping around after I gave up. Its bittersweet. Had a good time but nothing meaningful. I took a road trip to Mexico for 2 weeks but it is very corrupt and being white isn’t necessarily a good thing. You are known as a gringo in mexico and there are a lot of negative stereotypes associated with being a gringo from the north. So I also gave up on mexico and Canada as well. I am thinking honolulu, hawaii could be good. Lots of asians who I would trust more than girls from the Philippines. Maybe you have some advice of where to find a wife and how to. I read your article. But maybe you have additional advice.
I am worried that the phillippines is too far from the usa. She won’t adapt to my culture if she moves here. May miss here family and want to go back. Plus a big culture difference. Also I may marry a gold digger or she may only marry me for money and security. Also if she is too attractive. She may bail on me for the next white rich good looking guy in the usa if I move her here.
My ideal girl would be:
-Very close to family. Good family values.
-Not much more attractive than the girls I am dating here in the usa. Attractive but not a supermodel or super hot. If she is too hot that may be a bad thing. I would be looking for a 7/10 or 8/10. Not a 9 or 10. That is asking for trouble.
-Catholic. Shouldn’t be hard to find.
-at least some college education
-things in common like art, travel, photography, writing etc…
-wants to have lots of kids (4-6)
-Young 18-25, 5’0 5’7height
-No kids
-takes care of herself such as exercising
-Cooks
I could find that here in the usa. But the problem is that they are not family oriented and to focused on making money over family. Why even get married. If two people are living together and just piling up money with no focus on family. Plus no girls cook anymore and too many unhealthy women who don”t dress good or take care of themselves.
I am 29 years old, White, Handsome, have Post Masters Degree, well traveled,have a career, and not a sucker for a pretty girls tricks. So I feel I have a good chance to find what i want. Its up to me to at least move to the Philippines and find out for myself if it is any better than the usa to find a wife. I am not using online dating to find a filipina wife. That is a waste of time in my opinion. Have to move there. So No I am not the stereotypical 70 year old looking for a young 18 year old wife Filipina wife who can’t get women from his own country.
Chris,
I have read your comments and you have a lot of negative things to say about Filipinas. I will not argue with nor will I agree cause on one way or another, there are Filipinas that fits on your description. But individuals are different from on another even if they are in one country cause the values that were taught to them by their surroundings (people or event) varies. I also notice that you are setting some standards. Mind you, Filipinas, they love someone they love him/her with all their hearts, most of the time more than themselves.
I believe with your description you can really marry anyone you want so you don’t need to travel out of the country to find someone.
well said miss Triesha
well good luck on your search Chris, if you are set at finding a girl in the Philippines, you can try to learn the culture and it’s language first. Once you get to be one of the locals (and i mean really one of them) it shouldn’t be difficult trying to find a good wife for you.
Another great article henry. i always love hearing your stories and opinions and some i believe are to be taken lightly and others must be mulled over carefully. in this case it is the latter,as i find myself digesting your words carefully. im not the literary genius you are but i will try to get my point across without stepping on any toes here.
i started my journey to find a cute, sexy, friendly, and open minded Pinay gf 7 years ago. now i was totally green back then to the online dating scene and approached this totally unaware of the things i would learn over the upcoming years. and learned i have. when you spend as much time online as i have its impossible not to gain oodles and gobs of valuable information on just what to expect when you dare to stick your head in a vipers den. now being a complete rookie as i was back then and having an open heart and innocent mind, i suppose i was ripe for the picking when it came to being fooled by even the most mediocre of gold diggers. i carried on several online relationships, only to be left heart broken after they have bled me dry financially and then moved on. the things i have been thru are too numerous to mention in just one setting so i will spare you the majority of the details.
now,this would have been enough for most guys to change their approach or just say to heck with it all! But still i soldiered on! am i sucker for punishment? maybe…was i and am. i determined to find that one jewel while digging thru the hugest pile of crap i have ever seen? you’re darn right!
well, never having physically been to the Philippines myself i may not be the best person to be giving any advice on the subject of dating girls there that you meet while out and about. but i will try to sum this up.
gold diggers are lurking around every corner, whether it be in an online dating site, fb, or a casual stroll thru cebu or almost any other city in Philippines. my experience is that you are going to run into them you will, no matter what your approach is. my best advice is…be prepared! know the signs to look for and never settle for less than what you think you deserve. your dream woman is out there..you just have to be patient and never ever give up. as for DA i would recommend he follow your advice, henry, but maybe with some tweeks here and there to make his search his own personal quest. i believe he is on the right track. he seems to know what he wants..he just has to have the fortitude to go find it and always always watch out for those “fake” people.
if i could give him just one piece of advice of my own it would be this: if he is a country person i would be looking for a girl in the province.. not in Cebu. i have not had vast success with cebu girls. most are having the big city attitude and you better be packing a huge wallet if you plan to date some young ladies from there. so i will sum this up by saying you can find a good pinay in almost any city or village in the Philippines. but know what you want before you go in there and be ready to take a beating, as i have. and it is totally possible to meet someone (or many) online and then schedule a time to meet them once you are there.it all depends on each person’s personal approach. for me its easier to meet online and get to know them that way. i call this phase 1 of dating, and will reduce the time it takes to get to know them better once you meet in person. i have so much more i could add.. but have to keep this short. my very own pinay cutie will be online to chat me any minute. GOODLUCK DA.
Very good points you make, Brady. And so very true. Back when online dating first appeared in the early 90’s, I got a lot of flack about running my own dating site and also meeting women I’d met online. But like I told people then, “You can meet bad women in a bar, the grocery store, church.. anywhere. The internet just makes it more efficient.” ha! But I knew there were also ‘good’ women mixed in there as well. The real challenge was keeping tabs on our emotions so we don’t find ourselves at the Western Union office sending money to a complete stranger. We have to set limits for ourselves. That sort of behavior is simply not wise even if you meet someone in person and only known them a few months. And while there are good women in the big city, I know because I know several of them.. in general girls who grew up in the city are AMBITIOUS. They grew up looking through the windows of those expensive shops and are focused on having “the good life”. They know the fastest track to getting it is.. bamboozle 3 or 4 foreigners at the same time, get them all to send money. They do it both online and they do it in person when you’re walking around here. So, good points you brought up, Brady and I wish you the best in your search. 🙂
Excellent article Reekay. I have been following you for a long time and really enjoy this blog. I have been married to my filipina for 12 years now and we split our time between the Philippines (Ilocos Norte/Luzon) and home in the U.S.A. Just got back from a great 6 months in the Phils.
You brought up a very thought provoking topic. City vs.Country. My thoughts are if you find a "city girl" in the Big city it is going to hard to make her a happy country girl and visa-versa. That is a basic problem in my marriage. My wife is from the provincial capital of about 150,000 souls and I love the peaceful and clean country-side. It is a dilemma. She will visit the country-side but be bored after awhile. I can be completely by myself in the country-side and be perfectly content. Difficult to resolve. We end up bargaining with each other over this issue with neither one of us completely satisfied. Sometimes (after 12 years of marriage) she will allow me to go my own way and take side trips to the country-side of my choice; sometimes she will accompany me. But is is never totally satisfactory (especially when I feel I am stuck in the "Big" city). Better to know what you want and get it from the beginning. You can learn from the experience of others.
The other thing I can hear here in the original questions from D.A. is the inferred longing in his heart for finding the "right one". Sometime this can set us up to jump at the first one who is sweet and seems to check all our boxes. In my humble opinion the majority of the time it seems to be the man that falls head over heals in love with the women. It seems that more often then not it is the woman who does the choosing in terms of that choice of when to get into a relationship. If you can keep your emotions in check as you go thru this screening process of selecting the right one then that is admirable. It can be hard to remain objective throughout the process. Good to write down your checklist beforehand and making sure (taking your time). Frequently by the time the Foreign man gets to the Philippines he is very lonely and desirous of a mate. The Filipinas are so beautiful and easy to meet. As you said you feel like a rock star. All the more reason to be cautious. A very difficult thing to accomplish when your heart of hearts wants a mate. I will say once you have made a choice they will be yours for life as that is in their nature. A woman in general is looking for long term financial security and man is generally looking for instant gratification.
Choices…choices. Be careful and good luck.
Aloha, Don S.
I guess you and I are a bit alike.. I am living in the province area of Bohol in a home by myself and I love it. There are maybe 100 people at most in my area and I rarely see more than 10 outdoors at a time. I can go 3-4 days and not see another human and I’m fine with it since it allows me to focus on my writing and online projects. But.. I also like to explore. I consider my home in the jungle as my ‘Batcave’, or Superman’s “Fortress of Solitude”.. ha! There’s only one woman I ever bring here because I trust her. I go into Cebu on the ferry or I go exploring around Bohol.. but eventually I return to the quiet of the province knowing there’s about only a 1% chance of some visitor showing up at my gate. People have asked me to get a live-in maid. No way. She’d be bored to death after cleaning up the place. ha! So I agree with your advice to DA.. find a girl who loves country life, as he does, who isn’t dreaming of the ‘glamorous life’ in the big city.
Thanks for the nice reply. Newbies need to know that in the interview process if you ask the filipina who is desirous of a relationship with you: "Do you like the country life?" she will automatically say yes emphatically. They want to be agreeable above all else. If they do not know the correct answer or there is a communication gap they will say "yes'. So it takes more then a quick question and answer. You have to probe her a bit about her background and maybe take her on a trip to the country to see how she reacts to "nothing to do". Bottom line: be thorough and take your time. The initial answers are not always the correct ones in the long run. Not that they mean to lie to you. It is just not a part of their culture to be disagreeable in any way. Make sure she has a good provincial background versus city background. Be careful and take your time. Great subject here. Good luck DA. It is an adventure not to be missed.
Very good observation. I’ve noticed too that Filipinos are reluctant to be openly disapproving of politics or people in conversation. And, as you said, she may want to be flexible to what she thinks you want so as to keep things going smoothly. Your suggestions are good ones.. take the time to observe what her real priorities, likes and dislike really are. This is why I don’t count any ‘online’ time as part of the relationship. You can only make good observations being with someone as they react to the real-world around them, not in a controlled environment online.
Henry
Glad to see you appreciate and love the Philippines. As said beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder.Your character exemplify the meaning of understanding the true essence of life. You devour every thing around and about with a positive attitude at most natural as one can be. Just go with the flow one day at a time. I’m absolutely sure you will or have already found one that suit your needs.Also do not feel like stranger just because you a new kid in town. If you know history the islands were once a Spanish colony for more than 500 years. The Spanish used the islands to exile the sick, the criminals, homeless, and to harvest gold. They build Spanish churches and buildings that still stood the test of time. You fit right in with the natives where ever you go. In fact the area where your at right now was probably one of the first island that the Spanish Conquistadors set foot on and made home base.
Remember the Spanish used to cross the Pacific Ocean from the Philippines (named after King Philip of Spain) to Old Spain (Mexico) to transport gold then back to Spain to deliver the gold for its final resting place. Moreover, moving on out to the present if there is one person who would feel or look like a complete stranger is none other than the one and only Caucasian people (or gringos, in short). Why?Because the Filipinos see white people as a complete total foreigner/stranger with pocket full of cash to last a lifetime. I can go on to talk more about the past but its all in the past. So just make yourself feel at home. You being there is no different than when Spain made the Philippines theirs, third home. You will be alright there. My grandma was born in Spain and lived in the Philippines. The reason why I know what I know.
Enjoy and take care man
Thanks for your comment. And yes, I feel so ‘at home’ here and have not changed my mind in the least about it being my permanent home from now on. I often say, “I love it here, but it’s not for everyone.” For me, it’s been a fantastic adventure.. both exciting and in quieter ways very tranquil. It’s been a wonderful morning here on Bohol today. Did some laundry, hung it out.. chickens pecking around, cool morning air, some breakfast and just taking it easy rest of the day. I love the beaches here, it’s so nice to go into the water without freezing to death. ha! So much here for me to explore. It’s gonna take a while, but that’s ok. One thing I got plenty of here is time. 🙂
Yes, its true not for everyone. I love the city and the peace and quiet of the country too but I think that I will live in the city my first year there.
Starting in the city is a good idea, it makes finding stuff and learning to get around easier in addition to adjusting to the area. Then when you feel more comfortable, make the move to the province if you prefer.
Thanks all of you for good advise. Im Mark From OZ….
Wow my eyes opened up reading all that good and bad. Thanks,
many thanks I will keep reading tomorrow. im going now zzz….
cheers M.
Sounds like your living the life in paradise.I’m very happy for you. You will live a lot longer when your happy. Do you remember the saying, when your in love…the whole world is delicious. Do everything that makes you happy… Happy trails man
Thanks, man. I’m getting ready to update my diary for the month of June and, honestly.. I ‘almost’ feel guilty about what a great time I’m having here. But not enough to go back to the States. ha! The last two weeks it’s like even more enjoyment has made itself available here.. on top of all I’ve enjoyed so far. It’s not all umbrella-drinks and sunshine, but it’s not a bad gig either. 🙂
Know what man? You are 15 years ahead of what a retired person would do at the latter old ripe age of 66. Seem clear you have beaten the odds not so many people can do. Again I’m very happy for you.You have a wonderful new life to enjoy in paradise..and thousands more islands await. Philippines has more island beaches than the whole world combined. Hawaii got 4 islands and thats all she wrote..
Good point. And on that note.. I’m going to the mall now to see the latest batch of cutie Filipinas. 😀
Enjoy your icing on the cake…
when you guys look in the mirror do you see a young attractive guy? you guys seriously don’t wonder why this young girls are practically throwing themselves at at you?( old foreigner) all you have to do is arrive in the Philippines and you know why this girls want to be with you, don’t make excuses why your here or why a young filipina wants to be with a old foreigner………oh and i think i speak for everyone when i say to please stop putting pics or yourself with that shitty grin of your face
Well.. ‘revolt’, a few things. First, you are clueless. You think we don’t know what the score is over here? You think we don’t know what’s up with these young girls? You think you’re the smartest guy in the room?.. the only one who has it all figured out? You haven’t got a clue. First off.. how much time have you spent in the Philippines? Second, if you had and got anywhere past the bikini-bars near the airport and spent any REAL time getting to know these women you’d have figured out that there’s a lot more going on here than gold-diggers at every turn as you imply. You say we’re making excuses.. what excuses?? I make no excuses for anything. Women here love foreigners and, if you had the attention span to actually READ some articles you’d know that it’s not all about money. There are so many happily married couples here that you’d have to be BLIND (or ignorant) to oversee that fact.
And third.. that “shitty grin” on my face? You know why it’s there? Because I am happier than I’ve ever been in my whole life. Sorry it bothers you that I am SO DAMN HAPPY. Get used to it because from sun-up.. all through the day and into the evening.. I am having the time of my life here. You, on the other hand, damn.. you need to get laid or something. You got way too much stress, anger and hatred stirred up in your soul. It’s rotting you, seriously. You must really hate waking up in whatever cr*p-hole you roll out of every morning if it bothers you that much that a bunch of us.. who HAVE figured out the angles are having so much fun here in the Philippines that you feel the need to tap out a comment that looks like it came from some immature jr.-high kid full of angst because nobody wants to hang out with him. Let’s see, “revolt1956”.. that would make you about 57 years old. And you STILL are gonna b*tch and whine about other people’s happiness rather than Man-up and do something about your own life?
Dude.. I feel sorry for you. I really do. You have no clue how much there is to enjoy in life and this attitude you have is only hurting you. As for the rest of us.. we’re gonna continue enjoying everything life has to offer.
To the commenter who calls himself; “F***U”.. your an A-Hole you don’t speak for me or anyone else and Yes I do see an attractive guy when I look in the mirror. Stop being a Hater! because it sounds to me like your jealous.
Don’t mind what revolt1956 say…its very old news just like him. As I see it your helping contribute for a good cause. You have a piggery farm that feed the locals. You support the local business BUYING consumer goods in return feed their families. What I’m saying is that your not a good for nothing bum who stays at a corner holding up sign for help. Your productive at all means possible..Just live your life to the fullest and be the happiest person you can be. Revolt1956 sees things unfold a different way. Not all people are the same. To each his own.
My mistake/correction. Revolt1956 may not be a “he” as referred to/or as thought. She/he mainly talked about taking advantage of filipina girls. It isn’t something that a man would dare talk about women in general. I think she was just trying to defend women’s honor but little does she/he know sometimes honor mean survival in this part of town. Life’s hard then you die. But then again it does not have to be for all.
I have no problem with any contrary position anyone takes. My beef with Revolt1956 is that he/she packaged it in the form of a personal attack. I’m all for a rational discussion, even a mild debate on an issue. But when someone comes out swinging at me.. they better be ready to take it if they’re willing to dish it out. My first month here somebody made some very hateful racial comments against Filipinas, nothing less than insults. I have no tolerance for that. I prefer to look upward and outward. I’ll look at the gritty reality of life, but there’s usually some silver lining to consider as well. 🙂
One last thing I forget to mention was this character revolt1956 could possibly be a dike. Never know for sure but one thing is for certain.she ain’t getting none of the good stuff. Why not try to invite her over your place and have the lady boys pick her up at the airport. They show her a good time and gives you a thank you note never to hear from her ever again, Now your happy, she’s happy..problem solved! lol
haha! Good idea. 🙂
Hi Henry,
You should check out this guy’s blog, for a more Dominant approach to dealing with Filipinas: http://expatriate-life.blogspot.com/. He hasn’t been active in a while, but his views are timeless — and a bit extreme! 😯
A few gold nuggets about protecting one’s self here in the PH, definitely. But some of his strong beliefs and practices I find a bit sadistic and cruel. I understand his position because here in the PH, they’ve mastered the practice of using our Western sense of compassion against us. Often to our own ruin. One of his accounts reminds me of a video an expat took (for his own protection) as he was trying to evict an overnight bar-girl from his home. Not only did she not want to leave, but even after he bribed her to leave and called her a taxi.. she was sure to throw a rock through his window before jumping into the taxi. That’s the kind of craziness and drama that happens here all too often.
As for me, I take the approach that if you filter ahead of time and stick with the ‘good girls’ you diminish the chance (though not altogether) of that sort of drama.
The guy is definitely into “kink” — when he says submissive, he means it! He also has a serious dislike of American women. He refers to them as Americ*nts.
Still, he has a nuanced understanding of the Filipino mindset regarding patriarchal dominance. He also knows his opinions are not for everybody. I’ve found a bunch of “nuggets” in his posts that should be required reading for prospective immigrants from First World countries.
In the end, however, I dislike his heavy-handed approach to “training” his woman. I know something about dog training and there’s a way to get what you want without surrendering your Alpha Dog status or biting your dog to teach it a lesson!
Not all American women are one and the same. Like I said before you just got to treat women the way they want to be treated. Alls well that ends well.
Yah, while there is no “all” to any group I do believe culture as a whole creates a ‘general average’. But there are always a minority of exceptions.
Show women love, care, understanding, and support. Just the same way men would want to be treated.You’ll live most happy to the end. No need to be Dominant over anything unless your CEO of a big company.The word Dominant make good sound for business application not for love.
Absolutely. While I do hold true to the ‘old-school’, conservative model of a Man being the final authority in the home.. it is my belief that such authority is to be held in a ‘serving’ context. He has the authority, but it’s purpose is to do what is best for the wife and family. It’s not about ‘power’ or dominance.. it’s about having a structure so that the family is given direction and protection.. maintaining order. When such authority bypasses this purpose and turns instead into a means of the man satisfying his ego or need for power, then it becomes nothing less than a ‘beneficent tyranny’ where everything is about ‘him’ instead of the Family. And that’s not a direction I want to go in. I’ve seen way too many men cause endless pain and sorrow for their families by taking that selfish route.
Much better to use the authority as Husband/Father to focus on what is best for the Wife/Family. Sometimes someone has to be the ‘bad guy’ when making decisions about the budget, the kid’s school, discipline, etc. and such unpleasant tasks are better shouldered by a Man willing to do what is best rather than what is ‘popular’ or convenient. Just my 2 pesos on the topic.
Definitely true as fact. Physical/mental strengths alone prove theres no comparison between the Adam and Eve. God gave authority to man to create all those essential things we use today such as machineries,airplanes, automobiles, houses, electricity, the bed, etc. i can go on and on and on to list. But all these things are not made possible if women weren’t around for the man or not exist at all. Bottom line is God made the two to tango and procreate as one as opposed to the one as a lonely number existence.
Reminds me of a little tune by the Godfather of Soul, James Brown..
“This is a mans world
But it would be nothing, nothing
Without a woman or a girl
You see, man made the car
To take us over the road
Man made the train
To carry the heavy load
Man made the electrolight
To take us out of the dark
Man made the boat for the water
Like Noah made the ark
This is a mans, mans, mans world..
But it would be nothing, nothing…
Without a woman or a girl”
— It’s A Man’s World
Evan supa bad jimma feel good bout been its a man world…hey! 🙂
A good wife can be found anywhere in the Philippines. Most Filipino women are still family-oriented and, to some degree, more loyal and not as vengeful towards their men as women from more developed countries. I think this is the reason why many Filipino marriages do not breakup as easily, in spite of its challenges, even in countries where divorce is legal.
Many foreigners (mainly men) find this strong beliefs in marriage and family among Filipinas very appealing. However, this well-sought trait is changing as more Filipina women move towards independence by having a career of their own and not just relying on their man to take care of them, while the machoism attitude gradually loses its grip on how the country is run.
Good observation. I’ve noticed a difference between the working Filipinas and the stay-at-home, non-working ones. It’s like looking at the present versus the past. With self-reliance comes independence and a patience about choosing a mate among working Filipinas. The non-working ones seem focused on being the best wife candidate they can be to hopefully ‘marry up’. It’s not a bad thing at all, it’s just the most natural way of things for being in either situation.
I totally agree with you about “the most natural way of things for being in either situation,” especially as times change and we learn how others live their life at lightning speed. Out with tradition and the past, unless they continue to meet the current demands of pragmatism.
Filipino women are no exception, especially with the stay-home moms who no longer believe they alone should bear the responsibilities of household chores. Many Filipino women today have a maid–even if they can barely afford one–to assist in tackling these household chores, so that they can still have time for themselves, their family and friends.
I think the stereotype view of a traditional stay-home mom stopped with my mother-in-law’s generation. She bore 13 children and was a full-time mom while her husband worked. She did all the household chores by herself without the help of a maid, even when the time eventually came she and her husband could afford one…even two.
My mother-in-law’s proof of showing her self-worth was how she took care of her and husband and her kids. It’s very hard to see, or bring back, that time-honored tradition in a Filipino household these days, according to my wife.
Yah. An older Filipina was telling me the other day how much the younger Filipinas have changed just in the last 15 years. With the internet, more exposure to Western ideas, materialism, sex, pop-culture.. it’s made for a more ‘wild’ version what used to be the old-school girl. In the province, where internet costs by the hour and it’s in a public place.. still very traditional. But the city-girls with their own laptop or smartphone getting into ‘whatever’ on the Net.. it’s eroded the old-school values to a noticeable degree.
Hi Reekay,
I’m not sure if you’ve heard about it or done it, but there is the ultimate day when you need to discuss with the entire family (60 or 70 of them) everything about your background and your entire life plan with your planned wife/girlfriend. That moment in time can be worse than standing on trial for a huge crime back home.
I can’t say I’ve had to deal with that. I did sit down with the parents of a an 18 year old girl that I asked out once. But before we could even meet at her cousin’s house I met with the parents and they were totally cool with it. No major questions other than the usual, “Where you from?”, “How many in your family?”, etc. stuff. 🙂
Just a little advise from a different prospective. look deeper into what you really are after. its easy to fool yourself. My wife and I had major adjustments after we were married. its been 4 yrs now and we still are adjusting to each other. she easily misunderstands my meaning and I hers. She is a next woman don't get me wrong but our ideas about some things are so different and you don't find these things out until your living with someone. so don't think this will be a simple road or all milk and honey. it will take work for you to get it right and you will never be able to communicate with her as well as you do with a native speaker. Just so you know and don't go blindly into that good night. everything has trade offs. some are you ready for all there is to being married to a foreigner?
DADDY, keep working on that relationship. it may take years and years to come but it will come nonetheless….
You are so awe inspiring. Hope to be there one day. Feel traped here.
looks like you have your plans ironed out there. will your soon-to-be best friend/future wife have anything to say about you relocating her to an island away from her family? looks like you’re not looking for a wife but a paid companion.
The key is in finding someone who is already going in the same direction. Plenty of Filipinas are already living away from their parents island for various reasons. If I wanted a paid companion, I’d get one. But that’s not what I’m looking for.
I am a professional with a PhD and want to meet a flipina that is near my age (72) and education. How does one find her ?
Hey Reekay, Thank you for the great information and your videos to which I subscribe. I wish I had found out about you and your videos before I went to Hong Kong to meet a OFW….you were right, her family and friends in the PI all asked me for money and I did give them some, but it soured the relationship….and she was just looking for sperm donor and a source of income….. Now, with eyes wide open, I am ready to go back to the Philippines to meet my future wife ! ! ! ! Thank you ! Thank you !
And under no circumstance choose a girl that works in the bar
The old saying goes you can take the girl from the bar but you cant take the bar out of the girl…..
Hi Henry, planning to go to Davao city and samal island have you been there? Planning to stay for a year and see if I like it. Also going to samar as well. Any comments would be great thx
Posted twice so the message didnt get lost as it was posted at the top.
Chris Roberts says:
Your comment is awaiting moderation.
10/13/2014 at 2:30 am
What do you think of lloilo city, PH? I met friends from there who offered for me to stay at there house. I am losing hope in finding an american wife. I grew up in southern CA too. I have dated between 500-1500 women and have slept with close to 200. But I haven’t found one girl I wanted to marry. Which is all I wanted all along. But I just ended up sleeping around after I gave up. Its bittersweet. Had a good time but nothing meaningful. I took a road trip to Mexico for 2 weeks but it is very corrupt and being white isn’t necessarily a good thing. You are known as a gringo in mexico and there are a lot of negative stereotypes associated with being a gringo from the north. So I also gave up on mexico and Canada as well. I am thinking honolulu, hawaii could be good. Lots of asians who I would trust more than girls from the Philippines. Maybe you have some advice of where to find a wife and how to. I read your article. But maybe you have additional advice.
Reply
Chris Roberts says:
Your comment is awaiting moderation.
10/13/2014 at 2:43 am
I am worried that the phillippines is too far from the usa. She won’t adapt to my culture if she moves here. May miss here family and want to go back. Plus a big culture difference. Also I may marry a gold digger or she may only marry me for money and security. Also if she is too attractive. She may bail on me for the next white rich good looking guy in the usa if I move her here.
My ideal girl would be:
-Very close to family. Good family values.
-Not much more attractive than the girls I am dating here in the usa. Attractive but not a supermodel or super hot. If she is too hot that may be a bad thing. I would be looking for a 7/10 or 8/10. Not a 9 or 10. That is asking for trouble.
-Catholic. Shouldn’t be hard to find.
-at least some college education
-things in common like art, travel, photography, writing etc…
-wants to have lots of kids (4-6)
-Young 18-25, 5’0 5’7height
-No kids
-takes care of herself such as exercising
-Cooks
I could find that here in the usa. But the problem is that they are not family oriented and to focused on making money over family. Why even get married. If two people are living together and just piling up money with no focus on family. Plus no girls cook anymore and too many unhealthy women who don”t dress good or take care of themselves.
Reply
Chris Roberts says:
Your comment is awaiting moderation.
10/13/2014 at 2:56 am
I am 29 years old, White, Handsome, have Post Masters Degree, well traveled,have a career, and not a sucker for a pretty girls tricks. So I feel I have a good chance to find what i want. Its up to me to at least move to the Philippines and find out for myself if it is any better than the usa to find a wife. I am not using online dating to find a filipina wife. That is a waste of time in my opinion. Have to move there. So No I am not the stereotypical 70 year old looking for a young 18 year old wife Filipina wife who can’t get women from his own country.
Reply
Hi and hello im larryme yabez on fb account an my no.0096176708732 im 31years of age im a separeted if u want more about me jz contack me.tnx u very much sir u like me and accept m i serching good i derstanding loyal and accept me wat i amm tanks very much
Hi sweetly your beautiful to me how you doing
I've been looking for a good guy to marry my wonderful niece, she's 39 yrs old. She's a very good woman, unfortunately she's just wasn't lucky with her last relationship to a bf who cheated on her so many times. She's working right now in South Korea, but I would love to see her find a loving guy who can share life with her before she gets old.. afraid to get involved of having relationship with another person again. If you're interested here's her email address: [email protected] her name is Miriam. Haha my husband is laughing that i called her a niece she's just 6 yrs younger than me, it's because i'm the youngest of 12 children in the family LOL.
Hi, I will be moving to dumaguete later in 2015. Will be going in February to get acclimated to the area. I am hesitant about getting married to another filipino. Been around american filipino culture for 25yrs now. I see that you have not yet discussed the differences between the 2 cultures yet. Philippines is a matriarchy while USA is a patriarchy. Met many american men here who have nightmares with their wives over head-of-household issues. Seen three divorces over it. The men are always complaining about their issues with their wives. Filipino women here in USA seem to view compromise as a form of weakness. Because the religion is for the most part, one of sexual puritanism, many use it as a weapon in the marriage. Also, because they do not believe in divorce, many filipino women here do not work out marriage issues. They focus on their children instead. Can you whip up a youtube video about the cultural difference in the philippines. Are the women more compromising or easier to work with on issues ? Thanks for your help.
Henry
I don’t see my request for a video about our different cultures or your response. Its important for
retirees to understand the difference in our cultures. I noticed in your videos that you seem to discourage retirees from staying single, so this is an important issue. Let me know.
John
I'm interested in (in time) meeting a potentially life-Changino woman.I want someone nice.aND a woman interested in relocating to the US. I'm very serious about my desire to find a Catholic girl for a "one night stand" that lasts for the rest of my life! What I do not want, is to find a computer connection on some seedy website. If you're a great woman, looking for a great guy, a loving man of passion, and a real genuine Christian, I hope that you'll write me. Thank you for reading.
Hello Sir,
My name is Nikhil Dave and i from India, I found a girl whom is 22 years old, as she working as baby sitter somewhere place. He told me his story about at the age 15 she got pregnant and later she has to drop her baby to her mother that stays near leyte naval. She says that she doesn’t mind whatever age man she gets. My age is 35 and i am divorced. I got her contact from Facebook as she added me. Then afterwards we started doing skype. It is about a 2 months we are talking. Whenever she comes online on video chat the background home is same. When i told her that i will pay the tickets for you but you come here and she said that you have to meet my parents first and so you come here first. She also wants get involve in physical relationship when i come there. She said that she will stay at my hotel with me for 10 days as i think to stay for 10 days. She is frank and open with me. She has 4 sisters and 1 brother living in different city.
As i had a time today and i watched all your youtube videos. I am beginning to get afraid that what if i get victim from her. And so that is why i am here by contacting you and need a advice. She is a catholic girl.
I am but confused with her, when i tried to say just bluffing on her that maybe i won’t be able to get visa, and she replies that OK, whenever you had visa at that time come.
I don’t know what to do, whether i go there and risk or i shouldn’t. As you have much experience with filipina girls.
So i am here for a advice from you.
Many thanks…
Yup nice!!
Hi my name is Jasmin Vasquez from phillipines I want to married foreigner
Hi Jasmin, good to meet you. WoW you are very quick and direct … 🙂
Hello Jasmin Vasquez, Can you tell me a little about yourself and maybe send some pictures? I am looking to marry a Filipino woman. Do you prefer to live in the Philippines or the states? I will be waiting for your response.
I'm nice girl Catholic girl I'm ready for married foreigner man
please don't delete me from your friend's list! gracias!
Emma C. Agir Why would I do that Emma. 🙂
It is quite a relevant question these days, as men are usually looking in different countries for a wife or even a partner, with people going to and fro for business and pleasure, the interaction is much greater, a lot of it is also facilitated through meeting sites such as http://www.meetoutside.com that have made it possible to get contacts with simple browsing of profiles, along with direct communication option. With the growth of internet, there has a sharp increase in desire of both men and women from different countries to try a new flavor.
When using a dating site you have to watch out for the scammers. Eventually you'll find that someone special as I did,
When using a dating site you have to watch out for the scammers. Eventually you'll find that someone special as I did,
Hi im darra onteveroz from batangas philippines ,pls add me on facebook so you can see me and i can see you ..then let us know eachother.hope to see you thEre.
can any one you tell me how i can find out if a Filipino girl is married or not.thank you for any help.Donald
I’m a single father of three girls and r seeking a nice gentle warm loving wife to be the mother of my children and maybe some day expand I am James William BEATTIE check me on facebook if u would like more info
Dear James William BEATTIE ,i saw your message here.i will like to know you.this is my email, [email protected]
great post, so many guys know all about these girls these days and there are so many misconceptions about them
as a first timer you really do need to have some patience and think with your big head instead of the little one, but that isnt always easy
HI
I AM FROM SOUTH AFRICA
LOOKING FOR A WIFE 47 YEARS TO 57 YEARS
I SECURED AND STABLE AND NEEDS
WHAT WILL THE COST FACTOR TO HAVE TO FLOWN TO SOUTH AFRICA.
THANKS
Your first place to get information will be with the African Immigration office. Specifically, the requirements for immigrating a foreign wife. Then you will know the costs and paperwork required. Any expenses beyond that is for travel, dating, etc.