Six Relationship Dealbreakers – Philippines

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Author: Reekay V.

Since 2012 I’ve been traveling through various islands of the Philippines as a full-time Expat and spent 1999 living in Vietnam.

Share with me my ongoing adventures of life in the Philippines. Hopefully you find my observations helpful in your own adventures.
— Reekay

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123 comments

  1. — Be sure to check out my Bachelor Course at Patreon. Save yourself money and heartache. — Don’t learn the hard way! More info here.. http://www.phbachelor.com

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  3. I’ve heard these red tables being referenced recently and it had to do with a Dumaguette video. Someone literrally showed these plastic red tables and said normally you can find people out here drinking at 9 am but not now because of the pandem. Are the the red tables I saw(I think) up in Valencia?
    Or this just a common reference that I that has eluded me or I’ve skipped over it in my mind?

  4. People should listen and listen good to what you just said and take heed when I first moved to the Philippines I dated off dating sites on the Internet four girls lied about having kids four girls lied about being married one girl slandered me behind my back constantly and was jealous and another girl was so jealous I couldn’t hardly stand it after a while but once I got off of the Internet I found a quality girl and we get along great and now she is my wife I also seen all those problems you talked about with other guys and their Filipina girlfriends I don’t know why they put up with it I think they just need to cut their losses and move on just like you said thanks again for your very informative videos guys out there you better listen

  5. I am not a smoker or a “committed smoker.” I cannot remember dating a smoker or a “committed smoker”.

  7. All six have in common hiding weaknesses…to which I would add…hiding of details on significant expenditures…every expense comes with an estimate, a treatment plan, an invoice…who, where, what, how much documented….thats the only way I pay….paper for paper. Silly requests immediately fade.

  8. I agree on all six issues however, love blind people. There friends see it happening and try to help but, no good deed goes unpunished.

  9. Trust, I always left a $20.00 on a table in my home to see if anyone took it. It sat there for 3 1/2 years before I remove it. People ask me about it and I just told them I would put away later. Found out that I had good friends.

  11. Really great to see you going back to your roots with an educational relationship video, missed it…thanks!

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  14. I would add Manipulation. If a person manipulates you to get what they want for their own selfish gain, get out. Love is not based on selfishness, but a selflessness act to give and take without any expectations. The two give their best to make each other happy. This is one of the greatest lessons I learned from my previous relationship with a filipina before I settled down with the right person who happens to be a Vietnamese. This applies anywhere in the world.

  15. I had a good relationship with a girl who I thought was going to be the lady of my dreams her name is Mie -AN JOYCE Subang 1 year an 4 months a d even planned on her coming to the states and she wanted to come here with her 3 kids and they even had the kids call me Daddy John and the 3 kids are from a con drug dealer and was in prison. And she lied lied lied lied about her boyfriend x con and was hiding him when he got out of prison. But told me she would never ever go back to him because he beat her all the time. Guys don’t believe these Philippine women

    2. i dated a filipina, similar situation. she was with me as a FWB while waiting for her drug-addict b/f (father of her child) to return. eventually he did return and within 2-months he left again, nothing had changed (he just needed a place to live.)

      but the good news is she met one of my viewers online and a year later, they got married and are married still.. doing great.

      life is rarely a straight line.

  16. “You can’t find the right woman until you get rid of the wrong woman first” Reekay. Of course this applies to men as well but one of the best pieces of advice ever spoken.

    1. yes. i came up with that years ago, while advising a female-friend of mine who spent 2-years trying to “fix” a loser into a decent b/f. no decent guy is going to date a woman hanging on to some fixer-upper. it shows she has bad judgment.

  17. Alcoholism is definitely a deal breaker in any culture. As an adult child of two alcoholics, it is very easy to fall into that enabling role with a potential love partner. As with alcoholic family members, it is not our duty to enable or save an alcoholic partner. Only they can fix themselves.

    2. yep. it was a shame, i really liked her. she was very sweet but once i got the full-picture, staying with her would have been like shackling myself to the titanic.

  18. Right on Reekay!! Sam Kinison, (RIP) a well known comedian stated “ there is that wild exotic bitch out there, whom is looking whom to blame for her fuked up life” and that person could be you!!

  22. Unfortunately, I have experienced all of the above and they were indeed deal breakers. It is amazing what we endure for love’s sake.

    1. I totally agree. Unfortunately I am going through all of this right now with my Filipina wife, for the third time in 10 years. especially the cheating, and I am dumb enough that I want to forgive her again and try again because I love her so much and I blame myself. But i thing it is time to give up and move on.

  23. When tampo starts, I leave…come back later, still going ? I leave longer, come back still going ? Start packin

    1. yep. i told one filipina with tampo, as she glared at me in silence, “well… i was looking for someone to hang out with, talk to and be happy with. from what i see here, you’re not interested in that. i hope your next b/f works out so, bye.”

  26. The sad truth is that women all over the world practice hypergamy and plate-spinning. Lying and keeping secrets are tell-tale signs that there’s someone else. Just because Filippinas are mostly socially-conservative catholics doesn’t mean that they aren’t constantly looking for a man who will make their life better.

    1. looking out for the, “bigger, better deal”. those type of women are their own un-doing. sometimes you can spot them when she’s over 35.. owns all her ex-husband’s stuff, is attractive but can’t keep a b/f very long.

  27. Another great 1 bro. Its like a combination of many of your past vids in digest. Any 1 of these happens then first ill discuss it with them. Then the next day after they go out to work or whatever, id move out, block the number till i buy a new phone and completely get out of that city asap.

    1. @Reekay’s LifeBeyondTheSea Or possibly just leave the bike there. I think what happened is he didn’t like her in the first place. I think that is the number one problem. Guys hook up with women they can’t stand.

    2. @Reekay’s LifeBeyondTheSea ive heard my share of these myself bro. For some reason, 2 years after i became a subscriber of yours guys would message me asking my advice. I guess they read my post to your vids and saw what a mess id made of my ldr hahahahaha. How are you guys? Magandang umaga there.

  33. Great video & great advice. Only problem I could of used it 40 years
    ago. Great reminder still.

  34. Great informative video. I find myself going back to check out your videos. You seem to be on the same page I want to be on once I arrive there. Keep up the content. I have recently joined your MEWE. I need to look into your Bachelor Course. Thanks..

  35. As always, good advice, but I hope those guys just thinking of settling down take heart , just these will weed out 99 percent of the women they will regret meeting later. I know I have.

    1. And sometimes the nagging has an unbearable voice and anger behind it. I’ve heard some of these women yelling at their man like the man is their kid and I’m thinking how can you put up with that ?

  37. I Totally agree and support these deal breakers, but there is just one more. If you have to start keeping one eye open when you are sleeping it’s time to pack up and leave and do not tell them where you are going to.

    3. I never slept with that woman Monica Lewinsky, I smoked but I didn’t inhale, Saddam has weapons of mass destruction and ties to Al Qaeda, read my lips: no new taxes, I’M NOT A CROOK!

  41. One lie is enough for me…that would be the end. And ignorance is completely inacceptable. If that happens I pack my staff and go.

    1. In the Phili there are degrees of lieing ive learned. Lies by ommission, lies to avoid confusion or conflict ect. I guess it actually depends on what and why she told the lie would have a bearing on my reaction. For instance if we agreed that we wouldnt be sending support money to family every month but then i later found out she was sending, out of her own money, support every 3 months. Can i classify that as a lie of mearly a thing i have to deal with?

    1. it’s about boundaries. these deal-breakers cross the line of what is commonly expected in a normal relationship.

  43. Reekay this was one of your best videos yet & I have seen most of them. A relationship has to be based on trust. My GF has never given me a reason not to trust her. I have gotten a lot of crap from people that say I shouldn’t trust any Filipina. I don’t believe you can really love someone you don’t trust. If I didn’t trust my GF, I would leave her. Really the same thing with a friend, they would no longer be my friend if I couldn’t trust them.

    1. @Mr. Ron It is a high percentage of women who are like this. 99% of women from Phil I met online were just wanting money from me.

    2. @Reekay’s LifeBeyondTheSea I agree. In this case I do not believe you cannot judge an entire group of people based on the actions of one. A lot of the time they did the wrong thing in selecting a GF and would rather blame all Filipinas rather than themselves

    3. yes. some people are trust-worthy, others are not. it takes time and consistency to spot it.

      i believe those who say “never trust a filipina” actually have a bad history of choosing the wrong type of women to come to that conclusion.

    3. “better or worse” circumstances. just like “for richer or poor”. those are external circumstances.

      but when one person is abusing the other, it violates the other part of the marital oath which is, “to take as your spouse to care for and love.. “.

  47. I do love your link to Christian dating down below in your shared links. Just a reminder that marriage isn’t easy but takes the strength from the Lord to help both become as one mind for God. As Jesus says and teachings in the bible.
    From the book of Ephesians in the bible

    Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— for we are members of his body. “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
    Ephesians 5:21‭-‬33 NIV

  49. Reekay! I watch and enjoy your videos. I’m married to a Filipina, from Leyte, for 8 years now. We have a six year old daughter. Live in US. When you are married, with a child, just can’t cut and run. We’ve gone through some ups and downs. At one point I showed her where the door was, and she could take it if that is what she wanted. She stayed, and is better now. Don’t go through too much bs, except her family always needing money. We’ve got the age gap.
    We expect to move to PI next year, God Willing. Usually visit Philippines twice a year ( except this year) as I work(ed) for a major airline.

    2. yes, having a child complicates things.. a lot. not so easy to leave. which is all the more reason guys should take a lot of time getting to know a woman before making babies with her.

  54. I couldn’t send my girlfriend any more money using western union because I’d gone over their defined limits for the year. She told me she was going to pawn her phone (I’d paid for that too) for a week because she needed money urgently that day if i couldn’t help her. The next day when I was still trying to figure out what to do she again said she’s going to pawn it and eventually said it might be up to 2 months before she’ll get it back. I told her to set up a bank account to make it easier and she told me you need 10k of pesos to open a bank account. Then she wanted me to send to some friends bank account for her and told me who it was. I refused to do it and again she made the same threat about the phone. I eventually discovered moneygram cash pickup was there and sent her 7k pesos. I told her that I didn’t believe she’d pawn her phone and that it was a manipulation technique which she of course denied. She has the ability to hide because the internet is bad there and I can’t always video call. I can’t see her because of this covid madness and its been 4 months already waiting to be able to meet her. She might be a future faking romance scammer for all i know. She definitely is a covert narcissist by all assessments at the very least.

    1. @Universal Power Did you meet her in person? Wait, correct me if I am wrong but, you wrote “… will meet in January.” . Okay going on that. Let’s go over some basics. Never send money to someone you haven’t met. It isn’t a “relationship” until you have met and consummated the situation. Any questions?

    2. @Universal Power i’d highly recommend you cut her loose ‘now’ and don’t even bother to meet her. 99% chance you will highly regret it as lost time, lost money and lost energy you could have better spent finding a better candidate for a mate.

      when you mentioned she ordered items COD and then looked to you for the money, that was a clear cue on your role in her life. she sees you as the guy who buys her stuff. a good-filipina would have asked you before even making the order. and would not be particular about what standard of phone she expects from you.

      it’s your choice, but you can do much better than this woman. my advice, go to the dating site(s) and block any woman that asks you for money. only give time to the ones who show an interest in You.

    3. @mountain biker yes when I told her I couldn’t send anymore she seemed to immediately appear different like an avatar devoid of feelings. Other times when ive accused her of being a stone cold unethical user she went into intense reverse psychology and said she was only taking it because i offer it, which is true only half the time. One time for example she ordered two hair straighteners c.o.d without telling me and then expecting me to pay for them. Reckons she broke her phone and sends me a photo of it. I asked how she was still talking to me and she said she borrowed a phone and put her sim in it. Then when we found some she said she wanted the more expensive one which I bought her. The Philippines is cheap and easy to impress but what happens when they come back to where we live?

    4. If you don’t cut her off after these comments, especially Reekays, then enjoy being used.

    5. @John Corum thats a fair assessment, i cant argue with that. Once I even downloaded a confirmed malicious file to see what would happen. It trashed my computer to such an extent, even after several rebuilds and repairs it was never the same again.

    1. a pet-peeve of mine is when i hear people use the Letter, ‘O’ while giving a phone number.

      there is no number, ‘O’. there is only, Zero.

  57. There is an old saying concerning lies, theft and murder in a relationship, and it is this: “Someone who will lie to you has the potential to steal from you, and if they steal from you, they have to potential to kill you.” It is just a matter of degree, because all three are sins.

  58. That is an awesome vid. Wish I had seen and thought about these objectively before my last relationship.

  62. Loved this video Reekay, you always see things so clearly and with common sense. As you so rightly said, it’s often so much easier to see things, when you are not actually emotionally, and directly involved in a situation. You make an excellent counsellor, who will be of great benefit to many people.

  63. Tampo is pretty much par for the course, I wouldn’t consider that a deal breaker. At first it used to drive me crazy, but now I just chill until she comes around, and she always does. Everything else you mentioned ,,,, definitely deal breakers.

    1. If you allow that behavior you are just a meek geek with no self esteem. Also known as wimpy… you are wimpy to let her get away with Phsycological warfare.
      Be a man for once in your life.

  64. Wow, good video! What I have found in a bad relationship here (or elsewhere) is not just one of your six but at least several in the same person, i.e. nagging and tampo. Also, I would add a seventh, mental instability. This something never talked about here but is just as common here as anywhere . What makes it worse here is that it is seldom diagnosed and treated here.

  65. Hey Reekay just thought I’d say hi , feeling kinda lonely out here. Guess I’m the only one watching.

  66. Yup after being married to a Filipina, agree with it all. Culturally a lot are different and some of these things are ingrained into them from either past circumstance or treatment.
    Yes they are all deal breakers, a decent woman will understand that we don’t deal with Tampo and the smart girls and guys get to agree that it doesn’t work and decide that after a short cool off talking it out is the only way forward.
    The rest aren’t culture clashes, absolute deal breakers for me.
    Well done Henry, good info as usual.

    1. The thing i’m having a hard time dealing with is, her extreme shyness and damn near blind fear of rejection from my family. She’s only ever tampo’d me once But she’s terrified of rejection.
      My family loves her to death but shes so scared of them not liking her. It’s strange in a way.

  68. Congratulations on the Growth of Your Channel.
    I still remember watching when You only had ten Videos.

    2. @Reekay’s LifeBeyondTheSea And we miss you doing those types of videos. Maybe you could do those again, say, twice a month.

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