Author: Reekay V.
Since 2012 I’ve been traveling through various islands of the Philippines as a full-time Expat and spent 1999 living in Vietnam.
Share with me my ongoing adventures of life in the Philippines. Hopefully you find my observations helpful in your own adventures.
— Reekay
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Great advice. Your channel should be named The Voice of Reason.
The big hurry is God says your running out of time
I wish I would have heard this before, thanks.
This is such wise information for men to understand. I’ve seen so many men not understand this fact of life.
I understand when you living in PH, you are not in so hurry to marry. How about when you dont live in PH and you go there once in 1-3years and spend
in PH 4-weeks vacation. Rest of 11 to xxx months you are in LDR and you wanted to be with your GF, what advice you give to them.
I have a very similar story the reasons why I got married although later at 28 I eventually grew to regret my decision I’m glad I’m not the only one thanks Paul
Thanks good information where was this advice when I was 19 making the same mistakes. Keep giving this good information. Hopefully people will listen.
This is solid advice for any man regardless of age or country.
Outcome independence. I used to push and come off desperate.
The first time I got a girl over to my place and acted like I didn’t care, 5 minutes into netflix and she was all over me. I wanted to kick myself thinking of all the girls I scared away with my desperation…
Excellent!
Need some money to take care of that sick buffalo? Well, may be next year dear…
Very good advice
Im not an expat, but have been there 10 times since 2008, not since the “thing” cuz Im un “thinged”, however, I was married to a filipina I met in Canada in 2002, she was bipolar, suicidal, depressed, eventually cheated then sued me for child support for her 2 kids, won, five years later beat her in court ( divorce time) wilst her BF who she cheated with and got her pregnant whist living with me, attempted to be her lawyer in court. Judge shut him down in 30 seconds told him to shut his pie hole. Since then, I have dated several filipinas in da phil,. I came to a conclusion, if they are looking for a man, stay away, thats correct, you read that right. NEVER date a filipina who is on a dating site or any social media, they become addicted to men. The best luckj I had was walking around meeting girls on the street or in their work. I also found there are 2 types. One, I asked ” are you wanting to live abroad?” if they say yes, I walk away. Take this for what you can get out of it. Cheers.
If a man will go in with an attitude of indifference toward all women he dates from the outset, with no thought about the future, he will be able to progress in a healthy way. If she passes the third date and I still want to see her then she is worth the investment of some time to see what makes her tick. If she lasts 3 months, then I can reevaluate. The key element is I tell her she needs time to determine if my flaws are acceptable enough to want to keep seeing me. What I have learned is if she can deal with my flaws, and we get into a disagreement, she will bring them up. After three months I wait for her to reveal her flaws, and the level of drama I will have to deal with. If there is any stressful events or things that come up, then I know it won’t work. After that I make her wait a year, then I will be open to discussing future plans. If she is a keeper, she will allow me to set the pace of the relationship.
Great content, advice! Thank you for sharing your story!
It’s because guys are thrist. Most guys have zero clue how to approach or talk to women. So when they find someone who will sleep with them, it’s like they are afraid to let go.
I that’s not bashing on anyone. Just simple truth
The internet has put people in a instant gratification world . they want a relationship to go from A to Z has quickly has possiable even skipping the middle steps of the process.
My girlfriend wants to marry and it comes up a lot. I’m from United States, traumatized…
Valeu!
Wise and logical words.
In called a women in Guatemala. She said I have been home three days.
Everything is closed. We cannot even buy food.
There are protetests in the streets. That is why.
Fear
There is the fear of loss. I know it well. A women can show me she is in the middle of hell and a burning building and I will put my trust in her.
Fear. Knowing what is going on in Guatemala or another nation is vital. There was little news in English but a lot in French and Spanish about the situation in Guatemala.
Fear. A Filipina will play into that fear if you plan on having her translate for you for the rest of your life.
Fear. You got some good advice here but if I am in Guatemala and l cannot speak for myself the women on the phone must speak for me.
Fear. In every country there comes a time when it is every person for themselve and God for us all. When you land and find out your friend has to lead you by the hand like a lost child you fall in love with her and only her. One fears to take the risk of finding a new translator every day.
That is what happens. I see it every week end.
Here is a Filipina who can help. I personally would not land in thé PI until I understand what she is saying.
Fear Is lessened by understanding.
https://youtu.be/-wQ4tPNeYLA?si=xSS_pENMH9nyRPeM
In this song he says everything I say to my self when I feel that “driving need”.https://youtu.be/3XwxXQ9InOM?si=tnuYByZfOwQNCWq4
Keeping expectations low is key. Not easy to do but have to go that route.
I liked the advice from Paul’s Asian Adventure, when he said that it takes expats a bit of time in the Philippines to adjust to the appropriate level of self-confidence and sense of abundance. At first, you might not realize how many dating options you actually have in the Philippines, so you are more needy and not as selective as you should be. After some number of months or years, your internal intuitive sense of those things calibrates to the appropriate level.
Great video that I can relate to and outcome independent actually going through currently and learning !!! Seriously now considering coming and living in the Philippines and want to live in an amazing country with amazing people !!! I am not much for the USA losing December or Western and still some racism here !!! So women would be a secondary thing there and is what it is and a time process thing if and when !!! I wanted to come sooner but the Lord said that I need to stay here the last 8 months for Ministry and a little recent changes in it and will be getting my Passport soon from some signs given me!!! And see permissions where ??? Final Decision is His !!! Hopefully there or could be Hispanic Missionary ???
Independent Outcome sounds similar to John Wooden’s (UCLA Basketball coach that won 10 National Championships in 12 years) focus on Competitive Greatness, rather than wins and losses. Sometimes, UCLA won and he was disappointed with the team’s performance. Sometimes they lost, yet he was content because the team played to the best of their capability. When you focus on playing to the best of your ability, it removes a lot of the pressure. You don’t have to play better than the opponent (who may or may not be more talented); just have to play to the best of your ability. When you play to the best of your ability, the outcome takes care of itself. Applied to dating, you don’t have to win the heart of a specific girl; much of that is out of your hands anyways. You just have to keep your head (maintain a rational thought process) and put your best foot forward. If it doesn’t win this girl’s heart, it’s only a matter of time to win the right girl’s heart in the near future.
Expats didn’t sell everything and travelled 8K miles to enjoy the lousy infrastructure, internet, traffic, food and heat. They came there to start over and be a husband and not a chick boy. Enjoy the journey is just straight up psychobabble at this point in their life. Success is measured by the result, not the effort. That is why they all have a sense of urgency. In their minds, it’s the 4th quarter and there’s no time for lollygagging.
Great insight and suggestions. Needy is the kiss of death. I think many men not being able to say NO to pushy women is also a risk. When I went my first time I was heavily approached in the provinces of Bohol and Leyte. If I was a conscious man, I would have been seduced. They were very attractive Filipinas. I know I have no idea who these people are so I firmly repeating said NO. Eventually they went away. The way I’ve made all decisions for the past decades is what will leave me with the most peace of mind. I can sleep at night and I have no regrets. I grew up in a chaotic home and at the age of 5 I decided no chaos when I’m an adult. Thanks Reekay
In reality there are no reasons at all to get married. It’s a matter of religion and tradition. In some countries there are also laws for inheritance.
When I was still on the online dating sites, I used to ask them what secures a lifelong relationship and happiness. In most cases the Filipinas said that it was marriage. I stopped talking with those. It saved me a lot of time. Ofc it’s not marriage, it’s love, and the foundation for a successful relationship , i.e. mutual trust, mutual respect, good communication and a whole lot of passion and affection. Marriage is not even part of it. In fact, many relationships would probably be much healthier if the two didn’t get married.
One of my worst fears has been to end up with a hag who wastes her life in front of the TV watching Kdramas or Tulfo in Action. I don’t want that. I prefer to invest my time into the relationship by creating memories and nurturing the relationship. Not being married forces both to give that little extra to maintain a good relationship.
Many Filipinas seem to have to end up sitting in front of the TV watching some pointless stuff at a volume loud enough to wake up the entire neighborhood. No thanks to that.
Good advices!
(You have surely become the Grand Master in writing prompts to generate your AI pics. What AI model do you use?)
(There was a funny video on FB several years ago, I think, that started with “Once upon a time there was a woman and a man where the woman wanted to get married. The man turned her down and he had the best life of everyone, he bought whatever car he wanted, he drove bikes without a helmet, f#cked every woman he came across, piled up a lot of cash, didn’t have to listen to crying babies and he never ever regretted that he turned her down”.
Something like that. Ok, a bit of an exaggeration but there is some truth to it).
Excellent thoughts, thanks for sharing that part of your experience!!!
Because living past 40 is a recent thing.
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