Q. “Should An Expat Provide Support To A Filipina’s Parents?”


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Author: Reekay

About Me.. In 2011 I made the decision to move to the Philippines within a year. Since 2012 I’ve been traveling through various islands of the Philippines as a full-time Expat. (Mactan, Bohol, Panglao, Moalboal, Dumaguete, Bacong, Boracay, Cebu) I recently spent the year living in Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam.

Share with me here my ongoing adventures of life in the Philippines. Dating, vlogging, cooking, traveling and sharing the information with you needed to make your own plans for living as a full-time expat in Southeast Asia.
— Reekay

54 comments

  1. Reekay you said it perfectly. ” If she’s willing to turn her back on her parents, how well will she care for your old butt”. I agree with you so much. I have been a long time lurker first time commenter but this video was so truthful.

  2. No problem Filipina wants to help if she is earning and contributing to the household day to day expenses. Don’t marry and older woman with grown kids that are married and have started producing their own kids. Aka grandkids!! Grandma thinks she is responsible for their education in the best schools, the latest computer or smart phone. I speak from first hand knowledge, there have been many of fights because of this. At 70 I made her stop working and finally a lot of their selfish wastefulness. Now she is 77 with early stage Alzheimer’s and me her main source of income, I have cut down the money tree in the backyard and told them go to work or hell same thing.

  3. The help or funds given to the parents will be distributed to other family members. The parents will then say what they received is insufficient to survive on in hopes of
    guilting more money from the cash cow…

  4. It is hard work but you can filter out the girls that have the family problem. My search started with red line filters.
    Middle class family. No kids. Has a real job. Has a passport. Etc.
    I was successful.

  5. Boundaries need to be established early in the relationship. If that is not clear, then problems will likely result over the long haul. Appreciate these snippets from your livestream.

  6. This one Filipina that I chat with sometimes she’s beautiful she’s gorgeous she has two little boys she’s 24 years old she told me if I ever come to visit her and decide to stay there in the Philippines she wants me to take her away from her family as far as she can with her two little boys

  7. If you are in a relationship with a girl from a poor family you must help are give her the freedom to work and send them money. If you think that you will be # 1 in her life. Your wrong !!! Her parents and siblings come before you !! Maybe even the Grand Parents come before you. I help !!! Her two young sisters live with us and help with my son and house work. Time to time I send food are money to her family. If I have it I feel good helping !!! You marry her. You Do , I repeat you do marry her family !!!!

  8. Reekay, I understand and agree with the parent situation (support for the parents) my problem has always been when the brother or cousin or aunts start asking for help because you are helping her parents. At what point do you draw the line and say “we will help your parents but your brothers, sisters, cousins and aunts” can get their own job and income?

  9. I agree with you completely honest and, I’m a white guy yes but the beginning part of my life I live in South America it’s no different there than here is in the Philippines you take care of your parents. If you want her happy you got to help the family.

    End it mazes me how much they will help you because like I remember one time together hi my checks were coming in and they weren’t doing the things are supposed to do etc. add her family who is poor as hell make sure I eat every day it wasn’t very much it was an extravagant it was just conception so after that I have always stood beside my family matter who is my wife as I’m going to stay on the side those people because they still beside me

  10. Thats the best way to handle helping the family. You acknowledge they’re important and set the boundaries. Everyone’s happy

  11. Why even discuss it with your wife? Just do the right thing, and put them into the budget, send them $50 bucks usd per month, and find the children’s birthday, and send them $5.00 cash in a birthday card or at Christmas. I always looked forward to my grandma sending me $10.00 in my Bday card.. Don’t be such a cheap bastard.

  12. We don’t give my girl’s parents money because they have more money than we do. I wouldn’t call them rich, but none of her siblings do either. They all live on land her parents gave them. I ask her one time if she ever gave them money, & she said no, but I have borrowed money from them. Honor thy father & mother most, do not interpret as give $ to them. I have helped her 5 grown daughters out when they have needed it for their children. If you are going to follow scriptures, U should seek the Lord for interpretation, not man’s wisdom.

  13. I agree with you on this one. My biggest issue is that their other adult children keep coming home and draining the parents for one problem, issue, emergency after another and I have to keep hearing how they don’t have food etc. I love my girl to death and I don’t mind helping her parents but, it really just supplements all of the rest of them that don’t want to help their own parents.

  14. @Reekay’s LifeBeyondTheSea , I absolutely agree with everything you said. As the Philippine people see it, their parents raised them and did without so that they ca.n have a life as well, when they are older it’s only fair to support them the best you can when you are older and working. Many here in America do the same thing, although we have the option of a care center or a nursing home to put them in. I promised my mother that would be the very very very last thing I would ever do. My mother is near 76 y/o and has had a stroke. My Filipina’s Nanay is 81 nearly 82 as well (they share the same birthday, my mother and her Nanay) and there is no way I can ever just let her turn her back and walk away from her. She wouldn’t do it and I wouldn’t allow it (if I had any say in it).

  15. You must adapt yourself to the Philippines culture with an understanding and willingness to love her family as much as she does

  16. I use a combination of Paypal and GCash for remittences as well as send Pesos to myself while I’m in the Philippines.
    First you need a PayPal account created in your currency and let’s call this your “Main PayPal account”. (in my case a Japanese Yen account)
    Second, you will need to create a Separate PayPal Philippine Peso account in your name.
    Third, you will need to download the GCash app on Google Play Store and create a GCash account…
    Oh, you will need a Philippines SIM Card on your Phone for the App to work (Globe perferrably or but it may work with Smart)
    My phone supports dual SIMs, so I have my normal Japanese SIM in slot 1, and Globe SIM in Slot 2.
    Note, the GCash App will only show on Google Play Store if your current location is in the Phillippines…
    BUT you can get around that by using a VPN OR finding the App on a Non-Google certified site (I’m not going to show you where, you’ll have to Google it yourself)
    and force it to install on your Phone (I downloaded mine when I was in the Phils in 2018)

    Upon entering the GCash app, you will need to have it Fully Verified by sending in 1 or 2 forms of ID (Driver’s license, Passport, any ID in English)
    It may take a day or two to have it Fully Verified.
    Non-Verified : P50,000 limit
    Fully Verified: P100,000 limit – also transactions are much faster
    After your GCash account is Fully Verified, you can link your Philippines PayPal account to GCash by tapping “Cash In” and linking it there.

    Your Main PayPal account must also be linked to a Bank account (this is where your money will be withdrawn from), or a supported Credit Card.

    To send money:
    1) Send whatever amount from your Main PayPal account to your Philippines PayPal account. This is where the conversion occurs and the only place you will be charged a Fee.
    In my Case, whether I send P1,000 ($50) or P100,000 ($2,000) the fee is ONLY 499 Yen (about $4.50)
    2) Log into your Philippines PayPal account to check if the funds have been trnasferred.
    3) In the GCash App, tap on “Cash In”, Tap the linked PayPal account.
    If the App has successfully likned your Phiilippines PayPal account, under “My Available Balance” you will see the Peso Amount in your Philippines PayPal account.
    Enter amount (Verified: P100,000, Non-verified P50,000), Tap Next
    In a couple of seconds to a few minutes, that amount will show in your GCash App.

    You can withdraw Cash at any Globe store, or shops that support GCash (for a small fee.. P100?) , use the GCash app to pay at supported shops/supermarkets

  17. Love gives, Lust takes. If you are able to help the family the question is why would you not? I am sure they may be reasons but just to not want to is not one of them, you eliminated love in the relationship.

  18. Good video….The best case for me is to let her work. Its hard for me to spend 24/7 with a girl..I’m retired and enjoy a few hours meeting other expats for coffee or a beer..I would have her save all her earnings and put them in her bank account..Then talk to her on how much money she sends to her parents..I would pay that and add 30% to start…Its a good idea to let her work and save her money for her future…I think everyone has a different life. I understand you not wanting her to work because your life is to travel International so it makes sense for the both of you

  19. Yeah I help out my girlfriend’s parents in the Province. It would be heartless not to help in you love your girlfriend or wife in my opinion. They are hard working farmers who eat a small diet of corn, rice and fish. But I send money to help them have bread and other things to live a better life. Reekay I can’t wait to move there and marry her as we love each other. She’s in Dumaguete and has her own YouTube channel called (M&M Journey) her name is Merlyn and I am Marc so the M&M is for our names Marc and Merlyn. She is 27 and very beautiful inside and out. We met on Christian Filipina 3 years ago and I flew over to meet her in person and I met her family as well. If you ever want to have Merlyn on as a guess split screen of course I am sure she would enjoy that. Anyway thanks Reekay for all you do with your channel as I really enjoy it….

  20. Reek you are totally rigth you cant love someone without giving anything , keep up your fine work. irreievant when they are going to open for turism in philipines, dont answer is rhetorical question 😉

  21. When helping hurts– how to alleviate poverty without hurting the poor and yourself. It’s a book. Good book.

  22. Agree with your outlook and management of issue discussed. Very important to pay attention to girlfriend’s behavior towards parents, siblings, waitresses, animals, etc. I f you are being treated specially nice while everyone else, specially parents are not, you are being groomed and she is damaged. Run away as fast as you can.

  23. i happen to agree with you, if you are involved with a filipina you are involved with the whole family… we try to help out the parents as often as we can, and so do her other siblings. we all either take turns monthly or we all pitch in for other things that are needed when an emergency comes up for prescriptions and other things,, it makes me feel good that we as whole family comes together and do things for all of us when in need.

  24. I’ve been looking for Filipinas online recently. I’ve kind of dismissed the 18-30 range. Many 30-40 yo have young kids, not all though. 45-60 have become my sweet spot. I’m 64. I’m finding professional women earning a good income, own their own nice house and land. These women are done with kids and have become kind of the head of their families. They in control, they decide when family members need help or they’re just being lazy. Also some have no longer close to family after years of giving them money and land ownership issues. Just because family is important to Filipinos doesn’t mean all families are great people worth helping. Same as in the US…plenty of families here with lots of harmful behavior.

    One size does not fit all.

    As far as expats not wanting to help family… I’ve noticed a lot of expats are really not very bright. They believe conspiracy theories and talk a lot of crap. They’re living in the Philippines party because it’s cheap, they never saved for retirement. They like living in a fantasy world and admitting they really don’t have the money to give to a Filipina’s family so they talk crap. A guy with no savings living check to check should first be saving extra money imo. They should first be responsible for covering their own future emergencies. Most don’t seem to actually do this, but they should. Reekay is probably doing OK with money and can afford sharing. Not everyone seems to be in that boat.

  25. Just remember those of you who are just getting involved with a Filipina you marry the entire family. You have to search your heart and with your wife to determine how much and for how long you’re willing to help but it has to be a mutual decision. We’ve helped out for a good number of years and feel good about our help but no more. At some point you have to make a decision when enough is enough otherwise it will never end. Just my thoughts and experience.

  26. Sorry Reekay, I am aware of this culture, but I will not support her parent, her mother works and can pay her own bills. When I first met her mother, she told my girlfriend that she expected me to give her 1000 pesos a month if I wanted to marry her daughter. So that was not the best part, she expected me to support her son(mothers). A lazy shiftless no intention to work.And wgen he did it was for cigarettes and booze.My immediate family had addiction issues so supporting those habits is NOT in the game at all.We had a reasonable conversation and agreed that OUR family, children(she has 2 beautiful ones) will be the priority. I never made any promises to pay to play.I am not saying if mom was starving I would not buy foid for her, or pay for a doctors visit, but I am not just going to hand over money so I can date her daughter, to me that sounds a lot like well the oldest profession in the world.

  27. I married a rich Filipina… So.. No. One of my rules prior to marrying a filipina was…. she had to not be an impoverished Provincial girl.

  28. I agree with you to a certain extent. However, you forget to mention the fact that she has 2 arms, 2 legs, a head on her shoulders, and most likely can have a job, and any money she makes she can give to her family.

  29. Excellent topic. When you’re partnering with someone of a different culture it’s a pretty good idea to know how that is going to apply to you.

  30. It’s one thing “helping her parents “, not supporting whole family. Including those that don’t want to work.

  31. Nice to see people helping other people. I was ordering tickets to go to the Philippines March 2020. Everything shut down and we thought this would clear up by last Christmas. After that she wandered off. I noticed things seem worse there now while the rest of the world is opening back up. I doubt any tourist will be allowed until after President Duterte’s term is over on June 30, 2022.

  32. yessir,, such great points and sights,, love for them and their loves soo right my friend..you can say yes or no or maybe,, they may leave it at that or ask ask, but if there is love or care we can work it out, share

  33. I agree with a lot of what you said about taking care of the parents but only the parents .. not the brother’s sister’s Uncle’s cousin’s just the parents

  34. If I’m a regular/poor female in America and I’m with a middle class or rich guy, it’s his responsibility to send my parents money or fix up the house if need be? I’m trying to see the logic in this.

  35. Good video and I fully agree with you but – the fact that a filipina is helping her parents does not necessarily mean that she will treat her foreign husband the same way, plus – not all expats can afford it, not all filipinas are like your g/f , not all parents are decent like her parents, and in many cases the farang is expected to help not just the parents but the whole extended family. So yes – Helping out is nice and important , but like you said – it depends on the situation. You are a great guy and your heart is in the right place, its always a pleasure to watch your videos.

  36. Great question!! I believe it depends on the financial situation the ex-pat finds himself in. I have a family member that married a filipina and resides in Southern Cal. His job situation is uncertain (covid issues). His wife is working, however the cost of living pretty much puts a huge dent on their budget. Living pay check to pay check like most of us…is a struggle. As for sending $$$ anywhere to anyone???????

  37. Henry, all good points but something you mentioned way back in your earlier videos. It went something like support the in-laws and perhaps direct siblings with schooling or something like that, but you have no obligation to the cousins and other distant relatives and if such pop up with their hands out early on in a relationship this is a red flag that needs to be sympathetically squashed at the outset. Please feel free to correct if I got it wrong. Having said that there are always, in my view, the exception for example a child who is exceptionally bright and diligent but can’t afford the education they deserve, in that case I would if I had funds help out.

  38. I agree that her parents need support when they’re getting old.
    What i would do is i will give the money to her parents only and not to be given to any other people in the house,especially those that are married,without job and yet with an army of kids and when they see those money that their parents is holding,believe me that they will want it.
    Bottom line is me and my girlfriend will only support her parents ONLY and not the entire household.
    If her siblings need money themselves,they should work for it and not getting it from the elderly.
    Also,we can only give what we can give and not to what they demand from us.

  39. It’s both a cultural and a legal obligation for Filipinos to help family. Often a foreigner may no realize this. It’s common for boyfriends and husbands, foreigner or not to be asked for support especially if perceived as wealthy. Ideally, the spouse negotiates with family and are not dependent or exploitive of the boyfriend…..this is a big relationship test. Almost always, family comes first over even a Pinoy husband. In the old days, it was traditional to take care of the seniors and still is.

  40. Personally, I believe that:

    #1 A son-In-Law should help his parents-in-law just as much as the wife is expected to help the husband’s parents.

    #2 You should NEVER allow your Filipina to know exactly how much you earn. This way, you aren’t expected to contribute anything “exact”.

    #3 The Filipina, should get a job when she comes to live with you and she herself can kick back some money to the parents. $500 month should be about the limit, but chances are she’s trying top pay off their farm debt or help them finance a Pig Farm.

    #4 The Filipina will be getting asked constantly for “help” including financing her sibling’s education and for birthday presents. Most of those “Loans” will NOT be being paid back so they need to be loans with the understanding that the borrower will contribute to the family themselves later – just as you suggested.

    I personally gave money to help my Filipina friend during C19 , but those requests for money grew and grew and eventually I stopped altogether because they became annoying. You can’t lend without reservation, records and reserve.

  41. A filipina and her parents are a package deal. Money we consider inconsequential in the US makes a huge improvement in a family’s security there.

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