Is Marriage For Suckers? My Thoughts on Marriage in the Philippines

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Author: Reekay V.

Since 2012 I’ve been traveling through various islands of the Philippines as a full-time Expat and spent 1999 living in Vietnam.

Share with me my ongoing adventures of life in the Philippines. Hopefully you find my observations helpful in your own adventures.
— Reekay


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  2. I agree with you on marriage. This trading out women every 3 to 6 months runs the risk of bringing western culture to the Philippines. Do we really want to do that? Are we not going to the Philippines to find a traditional relationship?

  3. maybe in America a marriage is for suckers in a place where marriage is basically forever i say go for it, you can live with a woman for quite some time in the Philippines before you marry her

  4. Expats Marriage in the Philippines is because they don’t know how to live alone (loneliness),
    in my case I been single all my life I think is great, some times boring

  5. Don’t get married in the Philippines. Marry a Filipina outside the Philippines where divorce is allowed. That’s common sense especially when divorce is disallowed in the Philippines.

  6. I understand men who can’t do it again but just be honest up front. Many girls there are thinking about marriage right away if they like you. Sometimes days or less. They’ve been dreaming of marriage forever. Men who lead them on and no intention are scum who will lie just to hookup.

    I like marriage too; I get being hurt by western women but a good Filipina is nothing like a western woman. And they will only love you harder if you do bc most of them are old fashioned and want that and will probably resent you and grow apart over time if you don’t.

    There’s also the religious aspect of marriage but that’s a whole topic in itself

  7. If you are naïve (stupid) enough to think that marrying a Filipina will keep her faithful, then you deserve marriage. But you might want to meet a few of the dozens of married Filipinas who have visited me over the years. LOL

  8. I totally agree with you on your perspective on marriage, I don’t want to play Goldie Locks, I want to cultivate an organic relationship with someone I could spend the rest of my life with. I grow tired of hearing play the field, I know what I’m looking for

  9. If you are certain that you have a good girl, and you agree to each other’s terms, you should get married if that is what both of you want. If that is not what you want, then let her know up front so you are not wasting her time and possibilities of a wonderful life and family with someone else. Otherwise, you are a complete selfish asshole by treating her like a disposable piece of meat…. She’s a human being just as you are, and deserves equal respect. Now if both of you are pieces of shit, then do as you will and good luck with that….

  10. I think formal marriages are a sign of distrust. There was a time in history when two people could commit to one another without involving the state, in today’s world there is a legal contract and courts involved if things don’t go right.

  11. I do agree on the communication part. Let them know what you want, so they can decide if that fits what they want out of life.

  12. maybe Vee doesn’t want kids now ,but what about when you been married for a few yrs she then wants kids, you’ve said many times before pinays want kids!

  13. Reekay, I admire your commitment to the intangibles, but given that marriage overall is a gift to the wife/sacrifice by the husband, I’m don’t see an advantage to it over the ease of legalities and the intangibles. In effect, Control of the relationship goes to one partner, the Wife, in marriage. It gets worse, though; marriage actually puts control of the relationship into the hands of one partner – the wife.

  14. You should do a video about having kids without marriage, where the guy supports his children.

  15. It’s not a question of what a man stands to gain from getting married, or that men want to “swap out” a woman every few years. It’s about protecting your assets, especially when you’re retired, and too old to go back to work.

  16. Reeky, of “all the filipinas ” I’ve seen online and offline. Vie is no. 1 As far as trust and commitment. More filipinas should be like Vie. She’s not playing around..she’s serious

  17. Reeky , with all due respect! I really like you, learned much from your videos. And would like to meet/be a friend. But, of all left the wedding rings and you throw out this revisited video ” is marriage for suckers’ I pray to God you dont hurt Vie like a previous good girl (name I won’t mention) you hurt in the past . You are very ‘OCD’ when it comes to packing and traveling. I’m not buying the ‘left the rings ‘ business. Dont hurt her too ! I hope we can meet one day and still be friends. But, what I’m saying to you is ‘what true friends who really care will not be ashamed/or afraid to say . Good xpats are not in the business of hurting people, when should be helping and embracing the local people …

  18. I think most people in general get married/remarried for companionship & most of the time it’s the women who take care of their spouse.

  19. Hmmm,,,, Sometimes it takes a few years to find out that the woman is the female equivilent of Chad and Tyrone !

  20. For the most part, the tangible value of being married is for the Filipina’s future. The social value is primarily for the Filipina also, same as USA. Since 99% of expats are not meeting and getting married to Filipinas with assets such as property and cars, nor are they meeting Filipinas that are earning high wages by western standards then 99% of the joint assets is so the Filipina benefits from what the foreigner provides. I think it’s sad that some foreigners leave a Filipina with a child and penny less when the old loser dies. A huge benefit for the Filipina is to be married and be listed in the foreigners living trust or even more beneficial is if he gets her to USA for 10 years so she gets survival benefits from his social security. That’s basically free money from our government. Obviously not that much but if the foreigner has other assets then at least he’s providing her some stability when he passes. Age is reality and not just a number so do the math. You can find many girls that won’t want/need marriage to continue a live In relationship but please don’t F-up her life by getting her pregnant, that’s child abuse.

  21. Some people even though they want to be married, once any trouble starts they want out. Marriage is for the good times and the bad

  22. When you are in a great marriage, it’s the best thing you can ever experience. It’s finding that great marriage that’s a B-tch. Took one of my sisters 3 marriages to find the right guy. The other sister is on her second, but It’s iffy. I have one failed marriage, but am willing to try again. My parents had a terrible marriage until their divorce, and my mother was miserable in her second marriage. I guess what I am saying is that there is definitely a perfect person out there for everyone, but if you are tired of beating your head on a rock looking…I get it.

  23. I recently read a quote: A perfect marriage is comprised of two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other. They are willing to make the inevitable compromises. If you are like that, and you believe you found someone else like that, I say, “go for it” because I think it’s the best case scenario, at least for me.

  24. Pressure to marry comes from family and religion. Today two consenting adults can cohabitate and have a loving relationship w/o marriage. Just my two centavos.

  25. Personal preference. So many cultural differences. I can see living together for a few years first to try and discover problems. But as a westerner young women will keep hitting you up and some guys prefer being able to see someone else.

  26. I wonder if you had made this video say 5 years ago, if you wouldn’t have voiced a completely different opinion. Am I wrong about that?

  27. Being married only means that the one who commits is in a committed relationship, the other still does what they want. And committed relationship does not just mean you don’t go anywhere, but also means that you keep on working on it to keep it going. And here is the problem with a lot of people: they think they are married, so they own that other person and don’t need to be grateful anymore, so simply behave any kind of way and destroy the relationship. Maybe the ability to walk away is one way of staying appreciated, and if even that is not working, then marriage is certainly the wrong choice.

    Also for men and women marriage is different. Seems to me that most women push to get married because they finally want to drop the mask and show their true self, after having secured the provider. It’s a hard life to fake being in love every day.

    When a man wants to get married the woman is his first choice, so he will keep on loving her. A woman pushes to get married if the man is her last resort, and she will resent him for that.

  28. ive never been married and always felt its a trap , but after going to the PH and meeting her after talking with her for 2 years we are engaged and i truly feel safe and ready to spend the rest of my life with her .

  29. Really awesome video and I do want to find a wife also when I get there. Will definitely let them know up front.

  30. If this person you are partnered with is a wonderful person and you are proud to have them by your side, marriage is the only way you will ever be able to bring them to the USA unless you want them to cross the USA’s southern border. That’s just a fact.

  31. Marriage is a legal contract which allows the other partner to access your finances should it fall… and 50% fail. Pretty poor odds.

  32. Great content. It ultimately comes down to personal preference. After observing marriages my entire life, and seeing how people change, move is opposite directions sometimes, change their mind, I think it’s worth spending a couple of years, at least, to see who people are. In the Phillipines it’s important to see if someone is emotionally stable, independent, whether lifestyle preferences are the same, how deal with problems, do they drink, are they collaborative in nature. At my stage I don’t want to go from one person to another. I don’t want drama, chaos, stress, extreme jealousy, controlling in my life. It’s easy to misjudge. There are consequences to our decisions. I prefer peace of mind, an emotionally encouraging and supportive relationship, healthy intimacy and playfulness

  33. Reekay, I was married for 40 years and all but the very last couple of years it was a great marriage, Was it all her fault? of course, not it really is. I could have done better at the end too. Unlike a lot of ex-pats, I do not hate western & if I hadn’t fell in love with Ne, I am sure I would be with a western woman. Is it just a piece of paper? Pretty much, but it does show a commencement to the rest of the world. Bottom line commitment is what is important. I don’t want anyone but my Ne. I hope I die in her arms.

  34. A good marriage is really cool and worth it, but it’s kind of rare. All the other player stuff is BS and dissapation in case you didn’t know. Thanks Reekay, Thailand Paul loves Phill.

  35. I can understand why men would not want to get married again after a bad marriage and divorce.

  36. I just arrived in Manila today and came through Doha. Btw, even though I bought a forward ticket, I was never asked for an onward ticket when arriving in Manila. But, it only cost $14 so it was worth the peace of mind.
    Thanks for all you do Reekay!

  37. Hi Reekay, I couldn’t find your email, and I know you have been traveling. But in case you haven’t heard your friend Orville passed recently.

  38. Temporary companionship?

    The Woman will sign on because she gains the stability of your resources on tap- but, she’d still be wasting her most fertile, child-bearing years.


    “Shoot & Scoot”

    Filipinos figured out a long time ago that you can’t get divorced if you never marry her.

  40. Reekay this is an old video, but if you don’t discuss kids, and otherwise cohabitation then don’t waste everybody’s time. You didn’t discuss the most important issues.

  41. An AMERICAN man with American money living in Philippines paying Philippine prices has it good.

    He can have his wife and family without worrying about affording to live.

  42. You have shown over the year’s your own social activities and you have always explained about leaving them better than you found them… If..If a man can use his brain over his sexual desires and look to long-term then you must find common ground together for a future.. I spent 1yr and 3mos talking to my wife before visiting and I was positive she was the one… 1st mistake you must spend time together not just a few week’s.. learn eachother… I can kick myself for not spending more time together..
    Is she really ready to be a stay at home mom and no longer work.
    Is she ready to be away from her family and friends..
    Does she think all your vacation time is how you really live your life..
    Did you make it sound better than what life really is outside the province…
    but guess I made my bed and have kept working on the bumps and still Love her and will never Stop… 7yrs in February…

  43. My second thought is that if you can afford to have a wife temporary and don’t want to live alone between dating period than go for it.

  44. Great points… This is definitely a subject to take proper consideration….due diligence as usual… 95% of your happiness and sadness in life is dependent upon who you choose… However… it may be possible to find most of the elements of a good woman in Asia more so than in America Since its’ culture on family has deteriorated since the “Feminist Movement”..

    The bottom line… A man must lead the relationship when in Asia… handle the money and take a greater responsibility in the day to day decisions there… Women in asia look for that… or they will reverse the scenario and take it over….

  45. A marriage with such a huge age gap is temporary! Old guys who are insecure do it in the Philippines who can’t live alone. You have maximum 10 years sex life so thats why a marriage is temporary plus you will pass away anytime after 60.

  46. Yeah I feel like I could get married again Reekay….I’m in love with a beautiful Filipina…..but I will see when I get there if we’re compatible….by the way your a good son to be with your mom all that time. I’m really excited for you to be with Vee once again….

  47. You are a decent guy when u don’t cheat the girl if your intention is short term . Many men tell the girl they want to marry but all he wants is to play

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