i miss you send money scammer philippines love

The Process of a Love Scam

I normally don’t like to focus on the issue of ‘scammers’ in the Philippines because, on a percentage basis, the bad seeds make up a relatively small portion of Filipinas as a whole. However, since long-distance relationships and online dating is where they tend to operate, it’s a good idea to know how they manage to dupe so many aspiring expats in search of a relationship.

Before we begin, you might be surprised just how ‘obvious’ the process is and think to yourself, “Oh, nobody would fall for that.”  But after speaking with hundreds of expats, believe me, the heart and lust win out over logic and reason more often than you’d think.

Step #1 – The Fishing Phase

Those of you who are fishermen will easily relate to this.  If you want to catch big fish, the two vital elements are where you fish and what bait you use to lure the fish to the hook.  There are plenty of other nuances involved to fishing, but location and bait are fundamental.  And it’s no different when a romance scammer is out to catch herself a ‘big fish’.  (You.)

First, she picks her Location.  She wants a place where there are plenty of ‘rich’ foreigners to be found.  What are her top locations to do her fishing?  The first is online dating sites.  I’ve said many times that while maybe 5% of the people on dating sites are sincere about finding a true relationship, 95% simply cannot be trusted online.  A Filipina can put out several profiles on several sites and even on just one site she can have a dozen different guys on the line.  Just like a fisherman with 12 poles in the water, she’s improving her odds this way.  She may send out ascammer filipina romance fraud online dating copy/pasted message like, “Hi.  I am single looking for true relationship.” to fifty different men in a day.  And if only two or three respond, she’s gotten her first tugs on the bait to work with.

The next location is… the bar/disco/night-club and major malls.  Romance scammers know that plenty of foreigners can be found in such locations.  I call the ones who circle the malls all day, “Land Sharks“.  And they have the advantage of observing to see if you have a wife or girlfriend already.  They (women) also have the advantage in person of reading your body language and picking up in conversation your general demeanor.  A quick tidbit on women.. from the time they hit puberty and men around them begin to notice them, they develop a keen sense of ‘reading’ men even from a distance.  They may not be able to articulate it into words, but they know even with peripheral vision when a man in a crowd is looking at or watching them.  They know when they’ve hooked his attention.

Secondly is, the Bait.  It’s no secret, women know what men want.  So they will be as borderline romance love scam bait sexy filipinasexy and innocent as they can portray themselves in their online profile.  They are “sincere, go to church, serious, not interested in players, loving and willing to give all for love…”, yadda yadda.  They will ask you, as you begin to chat, what it is you are looking for.  Surprise.. that’s what they are.  They will take an interest in you and, in the process, figure out what your financial situation is.  They will also figure out just how desperate or lonely you are.  None of their questions or responses are without purpose.

In person, she is better able to lay out the bait.  Short dresses, the right make-up, the right shoes, the right amount of cleavage.. women in general know how to dress for just about any situation.  She knows what to wear to church or a family function.. and she knows what to wear to catch a man’s eye.  Again, there is rarely anything random about how a woman dresses on any particular day.  They dress with a purpose and awareness of the situation.

Step # 2 – The Bonding Phase

Once the romance scammer has gotten her target’s attention and interest, she begins the bonding phase.  This is where she begins to build up trust, commonality and affection while making herself ‘seem’ to be falling madly in love.  Mind you, she’s doing this with 6 or 7 other guys online and maybe if in person, 2 or 3 other guys if in the same town.  Even more if some of them are in and romance online dating scam howout of the country after a brief vacation.

Part of this bonding is making herself seem sincere and ‘human’ with frailties she’s willing to confess about because, “she trusts you”.  It’s a manipulation that takes advantage of an unspoken idea that says, if they make themselves ‘vulnerable’ to you.. you need to make yourself vulnerable to them in return.  And if they offer these tokens of ‘trust’.. you need to respond by trusting them as well.  And so, little by little, they build up your confidence in them that they are a trustworthy person.  (this ‘confidence-gaining’ phase is why the term ‘con-men’, or ‘confidence-men’ came about.)

The rank amateur romance scammer will get impatient and try to rush through this bonding phase.  In fact, they will often ask for money in the first one-hour chat session.  And crazily enough, a few guys fall for it.  But the really successful romance con-artists will wait until the target/victim (You) has totally fallen for their supposed innocence and sincere emotional attachment.  They might even test this by suddenly not responding to texts or messages for a few days.  If they suddenly stop messaging and see repeated messages from you such as, “Are you okay?”, “I’m worried about you, what happened?”, “Are you mad at me about something?“.. she knows the target guy is hooked.

Step #3 – The Payday

This is her favorite part.  Once a fisherman has gotten the hook ‘set’ into the fish from a solid bite.. it’s time reel it in.  And in this case, once she has gotten her target to believe in her sincerity hook, money scam payday romanceline and sinker… she goes into the payday phase to get those money transfers coming in.

How does she do this?  Simple;  ‘catastrophe’ strikes.  This  is another indication whether you are dealing with an amateur or experienced scammer.  An amateur will just blurt out that they have no money for the rent, the electric bill or better yet, their internet bill and might have to go offline until they can afford it again.  This works with a lot of guys who are not that observant.  They rush in and want to fix the situation.  Men are problem-solvers.  It’s one our key strengths, but it’s also our biggest weakness when dealing with female scammers.  If a woman we’ve come to care about has a problem, our first reflex is to fix her problem.  And with scammers, the solution is always the same, “send money”.

But the more experienced scammers will not ask for anything.  Instead they will make a post on their Facebook (knowing you will see it) and post something like, “life is so hard.”.  Then, it’s you who asks them what the problem is and.. bingo, you are soon sending money to fix the problem.

Separating The Wheat From The Chaff

At this point you might be asking yourself, “How can I tell the difference between a scammer and a sincere Filipina who is having reasonable, difficult hardships?”  Good question.  And the answer to that is, “When you are speaking online from over 1,000 miles away.. you CAN’T tell the difference.”

Some will tell you to try and view hospital bills, get receipts, etc.  But a devoted scammer will either have those documents (doctored often-times) or come up with a plausible reason why they can’t find them or send a copy online.  And many guys want to trust them so, the money gets sent.  Online, you have zero assurances that ANYTHING she has told you is even true.

It may not be true she’s single.
It may not be true she has no kids.
It may not be true she doesn’t have other guys sending her money.
It may not be true there is any emergency.
It may not be true she’s a biological woman.

It is only because it is POSSIBLE she’s telling the truth that some men will roll the dice and send the money.. hoping they aren’t being lied to.  So what can you do to improve your chances of not being fleeced?

TIME IS YOUR FRIEND

Take your time.  Make it your goal to get to know who they are as a person.. without any money coming into play.  If you have known this Filipina for less than 3 months, promise yourself to NOT send any money for any reason.  If you’ve known her for longer than that.. and, she has not asked patience timefor nor implied the need for money.. set yourself a limit of what you will send.  My suggestion, if you’ve only known her online and never met her in person.. but have chatted her online for 3-6 months.. at most send maybe $50 US dollars in a month.  That is plenty to show you care and take the edge off any minor emergency.   You don’t know her well enough to send more than that.

Keep things in perspective.  Sending large amounts of money to a woman you’ve never met in person, or even only knew for 3 weeks during a vacation.. that is the sort of thing you should only be doing in an exclusive relationship or with a fiance’.   No matter how much ‘bonding’ you’ve had with her online or how much she might brighten your day.. realistically you are still at best just glorified pen-pals.

You haven’t spent time with her in person beyond 4 hours in a day.  You haven’t seen her when she’s stressed, bored or upset.  Your entire sum of time with her is when she is ‘on‘ her best behavior during screen time.  For all you know, after she logs off from talking to you for a few hours online.. she then cooks up dinner for her husband and kids that she never mentioned.  Sadly, many husbands in financial straights don’t mind at all that their wife chats up some foreigner.. if it means the guy is going to wire some easy money to pick up the next morning.

For the reasons above, I strongly encourage guys to not use online dating sites until they are actually IN the Philippines.  It’s a whole other situation when you can find them online and meet with them a few hours later in person.  Then you can use your best judgment to get a feel for their honesty and any chemistry, face to face.

As I mentioned at the start, I’ve found most Filipinas that I met offline (or online and met the same day) have been wonderful women the majority of the time.  But when the entire interaction is limited to online chatting from a great distance.. your odds of getting scammed get very high.

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Reekay
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www.seetheph.com

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Author: Reekay

After 49 years living in Southern California, USA, I decided to move to the Philippines despite never having been here before. In July, 2012, I took a leap of faith and transplanted myself to the amazing Philippines. I am a single man taking an honest look at all that the islands here have to offer, one day at a time. I hope you find my LBTSea site informative, entertaining and hopefully a bit of each. 🙂 Be sure to visit the Forum and other parts of what the site has to offer. Browse around and be sure to sign up for updates via email. Enjoy!
— Reekay

25 comments

  1. Good advise here Reekay…and for men getting “groomed” right now- be very careful. Don’t evaluate the women on-line until you actually with her – in person. Very hard to do online. There are too many scammers that have 5-6 men sending them money. Its their job. Thats how they survive! I have a simple rule – I never send money on line to a women. Never. Why even both going online to chat with a Filipina …wait until you get there I would thing is the best option! Thanks Reekay – Hope it saves some men from hardship- Please guys listen to him !

    Merry Christmas to all !!

  2. Great advice as usual from the master. But as you say, men are wanting to make things better. Rescue the damsel in distress. So easy to believe that the person far away sincerely needs you. Has been waiting just for you. Promises you are the only one in her heart. Tells you her mom and Dad love you. Her sisters all say “hello”. Not so easy to resist this ….especially during a cold winter in the United States. Have a great flight back to the Philippines. Hopefully Korea airlines pilot will leave LAX airspace and go the correct direction. (Not towards Santa Anita Race Track).

  3. That article their written by Henry is pretty much spot on I would say to the experience ex-pats that Have been over here for a while like myself that Have had more girls that I’ve ever kept track of I know exactly what to look for and some other ex-pats also know that as well , i’m kind of like the male version of them so it’s too late now for their tactics to work on me but for guys that Have never been here or have only been here a few times they easily get nailed and lose your money .. remember the key phrase which is (((can you do me a favor )))

    Once you hear that log off or hang out she’s definitely a scammer

  4. Great Article, well written. Love the first image! Thanks. Whenever a man’s relative SMV (sexual market value) is below hers, it’s likely a scam. Older guy with hot babe is a huge SMV disparity. He might be able to get some action, but one way or another he has to be buying it even if he’s denying it. I see many Fil-West “couples” in this scenario in one form or another. So, how does one actually get a hot young lady who is truly single, childless (doesn’t want them), implanted contraception, no STD’s, doesn’t want marriage, career oriented, college educated (or going to college), not into religious dogma and who is “user friendly” with no tampo? What does that cost? And, how can you find it (has eluded me even when I was in my 30’s)? All I’ve personally observed and met in the Philippines were girls wanting marriage and family or bar-girls (including sideline) and scammers. Admittedly, I’m no PUA and I don’t lie about what I’m looking for (only live in). At least I’m honest. Asian dating site statistics show the men are grossly exaggerating their incomes, represent 70% of the members, and are probably promising marriage and family, (even if only to disappear after the transaction). And, as you’ve suggested, about 95% of the girls are seeking money in one form or another.

    1. What you say is largely accurate, however, you can’t ignore the cultural differences……virtually every Filipina that falls for you will dream of marriage and kids. Filipinas without tampo do not exist (in my experience). Filipinas genuinely fall for older (western) guys…is not necessarily a scam, but often is.
      Being honest is one thing, being realistic is another….live in GF’s exist, however, many will go along with that in fear of losing you but at the same time in the hope eventually you will marry her…or alternatively they will agree as their lifestyle may vastly improve.

      1. Be careful every where in the world so many scammer…yes im a pilipina but not only in the philippines and not only pilipina can do that so many in the whole world because im a one victims of scammer before i meet my husband he is an american man that man can abused my true feelings …its better to meet in person first…

  5. Hi Reekay,
    First of all I want to wish you and your Family a belated “Merry Christmas”. 🙂
    Secondly, as usual, I loved to read your article. Very well analyzed and described.
    Thanks for that.

    Marcel

  6. Interesting that you would have to tell a grown man how to take care of himself. Are there so many unaware (trying to be nice) guys out there desperate for some companionship that a female can easily dig into his pocket? What a shame..

    1. Billy, actually its not surprising at all, if you know the country to a degree. People are scammed all the time ( grown ,not grown and the elderly) and are prayed upon a very high rate! Surely you know this if you have been there, or do I have to tell a grown women/man this at all? I think your perspective is wrong Billy, per se ( to be polite) . Awareness , as served by Reekay’s article is always a good thing and helpful for many as a reminder. The cultures from around the world are different. The women that scam these guys don’t do it “easily” as you say…they work at it hard, pulling all the levers they can…and some are very good at it! . Reekay’s awareness article serves many men the right way- just to be aware. Hey if it saves a few people from getting scammed, would this not be a good thing would it not? It sounds like you blame the man here for things….pity ! “Blame the victim” as illustrated by your words, is always misguided , and is salted with other motives ! hmmmmmm.

    2. Absolutely Bill you would be amazed at what some guys out there will do for young smoking hot puss because they would never have a prayer of getting that stuff in their own country and even if they did the laws are so strict they wouldn’t take a chance where ass here you have tons of flexibility even though there’s laws on the books very rarely are they ever enforced..

  7. When i read, i could see how it works and how i was scammed. Coz i have been scammed twice with 2 girls in philipines, one i have forgive and still my friend. Second one will take time to forgive, and she realy showed me how garbage i was – when wallet was not giving anymore. She is still doing here business with guys, she is jumping from one wallet to the next one. I hope one day that she will be punished for here doing with suitors. The second is close to family, so i trusted here more and thats why i have been there for 8 years when she needed me. That is now over and im moving on, and have tottaly lust intrest gething real love for years to come.

    1. Oh no do not be generalize because i am a pilipina with a good thinking and responsible wife and mother of my children’s i have my own family with my foriegn husband but i dont think money and im not a gold digger…as of now im 12 years dint meet or visit my homeland even here and my country is not too far because im thinking if im always going to my country its waste money…my husband have stable job and he trust me everything then i hold it his salary every month…im sorry if some but please do not be generalize…

      1. I’m not generalizing. Nowhere did I say this is how most Filipinas are. (That would generalizing.) What I wrote on was the process actual scammers use.

  8. I used to disagree with you about having to go to Philippines to find a nice girl, but after ten years of hunting online and coming up empty handed, you are correct! The only time I found a nice Filipina is when I finally went there. They are everywhere BUT not online.

    1. If I spend the afternoon in any downtown area in the PH.. on average I see at least 4 or 5 ‘keepers’ that are just out and about doing their daily business. But online, it’s just too easy for them to hide things.

  9. Before I watched your videos I went thru a Filipina dating website where I “met” about 10 women in the 3 months I was on. I chatted with a few so I was able to see them.

    3 I chatted thru e-mail. Within 2 e-mails 2 women wanted money and one offered to dance for me naked on the webcam for money. I cut all of them off.

    I saw those copy and paste descriptions of what they were looking for on quite a few different profiles so you are right that the best way to find a Filipina is to visit the country first and take it from there instead of blindly looking online.

  10. I notice that everyone acknowledges that many Filipinas are scammers but they all think their wife / girlfriend is not. I’ve been married almost 15 years and the relationship is still based upon money. If I didn’t bring in the money shed be gone in no time flat. In general, she cares more about things in the Philippines, her family there, politics there, and even hopes to retire there one day. She’ll never think of the USA as home. It is a means to an end, a way out of poverty and support her family.

    To the men out there, I’d suggest know what you’re getting into. It is probably an illusion. View it as entertainment and don’t spend more than you can afford.

    1. It’s difficult to say that all American women, or Filipino women are the same with any accuracy. I know too many happily married couples to see any uniformity. Another thing to keep in mind is that ALL women seek financial (and emotional) security from men. It’s no different than how us men seek a woman who is both attractive (to us) and a good companion.

      If a woman is no longer attractive or a good companion, a man loses interest. Same with a woman. If her man is not providing financially and not meeting her emotional needs, it all goes downhill into a practical arrangement.

    2. Excellent Steven. Totally accurate! You’re not alone. I’ve had much worse!!! And others I know have too. The asawa sees her family, including her children, as part of her pontoon (canoe). She marries, often arranged for a dowry, to a businessman; thus becoming strapped to a husband who is focused on his pontoon. The dowry includes ongoing remittances to her family. Thus, marriage forms a catamaran of sorts to produce offspring and fulfill duties and obligations, a purely transactional relationship. The asawa is NOT family, it’s not even love! It’s just flimsy straps that hold the pontoons together for procreation. I’ve seen and heard many pinay wives say that sex for pleasure is evil, etc. Marriage to kanos is never about her true passion that might get her wet; that raw desire for that hot young popular bad-boy that knocks her up (low class so no contraception used). And it’s hard to have intimacy (deep connection) where the cultural differences are so great. The man must be exceeding conservative. So, when the babae’s limerence of resource capture fades you’re just a male servant of money. Note that all women evolved to have a temporary spike in dopamine (and testosterone which produces passion) when a girl is hooking a man just like you feel when hooking a prize fish. But this wears off as soon as the fish is on the scales. She married so her kids can better support her (and foreign citizenship = more $$$). Also, she has been sending remittances to the Philippines which if YOU had invested for yourself, would add up. Often the pinay may insist upon buying property in Philippines you can never own (huge mistake). But, as your lawyer says, it’s cheaper to keep her. Some even try to bring family to your country and guess who pays for all that? Look at the financial side of the equation (most men refuse). It’s a huge windfall considering who she would have married at home. Finding a young woman with no kids to just live with (like Reekay found) is the solution; but this has totally eluded me, despite numerous attempts. Also, other kanos I’ve met there in the hotels I’ve stayed at, have admitted they can’t find that either. Admittedly, I don’t peruse the districts where the lower-class girls are, it’s outside my comfort zone (the stray dogs, beggars, sewage in the streets, lady-boys, Hepatitis, Cholera, Dengue and more sort of turns me off). Most babae I see in malls are in barkadas, and show no sign of possible interest. When I ask pinay how I look, they say “cute” and “handsome”. But they also say they can’t understand my vocabulary, although I keep it at a high school level.

  11. ….just my thoughts, please feel free to disagree – your far better off with a good Filipina than a good North American women. I think it comes down to respect. Men are disrespected in the west on mass In general these days in the west, a sociological phenomenon, that was born out of far left feminism. Everything from TV commercials,print, even sports casting has a feminist bias. The bias is everywhere, making it believable and a base culture. Even “nice” women here have the anti male slant. Common. Culturally, I feel this is why many men move away from the no win situation and appreciate the Filipina, as she is quite distinct from the western ideology. Sure any relationship comes with expectations, agreed. It is a contract of faith and some economics to an extent….everywhere.Given this more men are leaving the west when they can. Surprisingly this has not been covered in any journal that I’m aware of. The silent escape from the west.

  12. Stay away from all filipinas they will burn you at the cross very fast like. Nothing but money driven egos who do nothing to stop them from obtaining it. I know several that make a living off facebook alone having 5,000 friends posting sexy pix just to draw them in. Think about it 5,000 friends. Ask half everyday for small loan like $10 or $20 if only half of them give that’s a average of $1,000 a day. Filipinos are natural born liers and cheats. Drunks most of them

    1. Marriage is like Russian roulette with 5 of 6 chambers loaded. What you “invest” in passion and intimacy (NEVER money) is what develops romantic love to deeper levels. The Filipina, and any narcissist, can’t invest deeply and is just relying on the ether of limerence of resource capture that results from the spike in dopamine and testosterone when hooking the big “fish”. Offer her no money, visa or babies and see how interested she is in you. It may be possible to find a keeper who is investing without any financial “hook” involved (as that’s the only way it can be romantic love). But, as a kano, the odds of finding that are near zero as it’s your financial security she notices, not your popularity as bad-boy in the local band. This is why Western women are not any better ether. It’s a no-win situation for most long-term, but some can play it intermediate-term IF they cover their heart (kind of sad) and shield their wallets (no kids or obligations). Women are highly hypergamous (see Briffault’s law).

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