Starting Over..

Well, last month was certainly full of surprises.  I didn’t anticipate being single again when the month started back in October.  Even though I knew the possibility (theoretically) existed even before I left the States, I really didn’t see breaking up as a likely possibility.  Just because something is possible does not mean it is necessarily probable.  


Even so, back then I had to ask myself if I would still stay in the Philippines if things with my girlfriend and I didn’t work out.  Before I ever got on the plane I knew that a new work environment and ability to spend more time writing would keep me here if that were to happen.  And happen it did.

So.. this last week I’ve had a new set of eyes on.  I’ve been analyzing the right type of Filipina lady who would be a ‘right’ fit for my situation.  My situation is a bit different from most guys who come here.  Most ex-pats getting off the plane are over 62, collecting their social security and open to the idea of starting a new family.  That’s not me.

I’m only 49 (currently, 2012) and since I have no retirement money to fall back on, running my online business ventures is more of a necessity than a hobby.  I just think of it as an indefinite semi-working vacation.  I work my own schedule, but I do have to ‘work’ albeit via my laptop.  Which brings me back to finding the right companion here.  I want to grow my business, do some traveling, report on what I see and write my novel.  I also do NOT want to have any babies or get married any time soon.  This means I need a Filipina who (a) Does not have children, (b) Does not want children either, (c) has her own goals and schedule so I have time to work and (d) makes my life easier, more pleasant.. not harder or full of drama.

With the workload I have and writing a novel, I can’t get involved with a Filipina who has NOTHING to do all day but be in love.  Otherwise one of two things will happen.  Either I’ll stick to my work and she’ll be bored/unhappy or.. I will put her first and, as I give her attention all day, my work productivity will suffer a tremendous blow.  So.. a Filipina who is either already working (preferably not in a strip bar) or going to college is ideal.  Also, so many women here by age 23 have a child already from some loser who got her pregnant and disappeared.  Married ones are even a worse choice since, well.. you can read more about how I learned that lesson -HERE-.

I’ve given it a lot of thought while on my long walks and have come to a conclusion that will doubtless raise some eyebrows from family and friends back home.  Here, in addition to a Filipina who is busy with either school or work, for her to have no children and young enough to have children in a second marriage after I am gone there is only one logical solution.. choose the youngest lady available.  I’ll go into this in more detail in a separate article, the reasons behind my conclusions.. but suffice it to say that I’ll not be looking for any 49 year old Filipinas who have never had children.  They don’t exist, not even at 25 years old.. it would be like trying to locate a unicorn.. with blue eyes.

So, today I went to the mall since the water-company I get my purified drinking water from STILL had not delivered my water since yesterday and I’m now completely out of drinking water.  Usually they deliver it in 30 minutes but when I passed by yesterday they were hustling to fill out some huge order.. probably for one of the local hotels.  I really liked the sandwich I had at the Pink Daisy the other day, and they have the cutest girls working there so.. a deli sandwich is what initially led me there.  Usually there is a team of three, extremely cute Filipinas working there in short, pink mini-skirts.  It is at the entry of the mall and since my first day off the plane it’s impossible not to notice how cute they are.  But today there was only one of them there running the place.  I ordered the chicken fillet, pasta salad and the chocolate pudding with graham crackers.  (I rarely get chocolate here, but that’s another story.)

So, the girl brought my food and kinda monitored the eating area since there was another customer there as well.  After a few moments she asked if the food was satisfactory and I heartily told her, yes.. it was very good.  It was after 5pm and this sandwich was actually my breakfast.. yet again I got so busy I forgot to eat all day.  Next thing I knew she and I were talking for over an hour, interrupted only twice by other customers in need of service.  The rest of the hour we just talked and hit it off right away.  I asked her if she’d like to spend more time together this Friday and she said, ‘Yes.’  So.. I guess this Friday I’ll be seeing her (Michelle, seen at left).. and most likely either her sister or best-friend will tag along because, that’s just how it works here.

From all first appearances she seems like a likely candidate.  Too early to tell for sure, but as I shared with her the kind of Filipina I’m looking for she agreed that it makes good sense for someone like me.  She even said she has had reservations about having a child with the world the way it is now, so uncertain both politically and financially.  She’s very cute, even with her hair all pulled-back for work.  Sweet and amiable.  We exchanged cell numbers and I asked if I could take a photo to match with her number and she posed for three photos, no problem.  One of which is the one you see here (above).

I had two dates with another young lady earlier this week, but things fell apart on the second date as we had the ‘baby’ conversation.  Better to find this stuff out now, is the way I see it.  But she still wants to stay friends and she’s adorable in every other way.. a truly lovely young lady named Sarah.  As for other candidates, the only other one I’d consider is Kristine.. but she’s not interested so, no point pursuing that.  Better to remain friends since I really count on her for good advice when it comes to my questions about how Filipinas think here.  Even she told me the other day that us getting involved might be the end of our friendship if it didn’t work out.  The last time I heard that from a close female-friend, nine years later she still felt the same way so, I’m not expecting Kristine to change her mind any time soon.  But I do adore her, she’s a real heart-breaker.

The only other women that hit the radar are Baby and Steffani.  Baby, my maid and friend, is in the midst of breaking up with her boyfriend but.. I like her as a friend and she feels the same way so.. we’re both gonna just leave that alone.  I don’t even want to mess that up because (a) she cleans my apartment really well, (b) she gives very good massage and (c) she’s a good friend I’d not want to lose.  So, she’s not an option.  And that only leaves Steffani (seen here).  She’s just super-cute when she’s all dressed up.  This photo is when I did a photo shoot of her at an arcade for her Facebook page.  She’s a fun girl but has a baby already and that doesn’t fit into my long-range plans.  She’s got tons of energy, very happy and is fun to be around.  But not an option for me.  Her sister is absolutely gorgeous.. but she also has a baby.

I don’t know the future, obviously or I’d know what Lotto ticket and stocks to buy.  I will just have to find my way despite the completely different dating paradigm that I find myself in.  Here, things move VERY fast.  In the States you have the luxury of ‘dating’ someone with no commitment for months at a time before transitioning to the ‘Exclusive’ status of dating, ie; the ‘Relationship’.  Here.. none of that.  First Date:  Decide if you like each other.  Second Date:  Meet the Parents and entire family at their home.  Third Date:  Begin discussing ‘no other women’ and ‘living together’ or marriage.  You might think I’m exaggerating for effect.. I wish I was.

My first date with Sarah, her Aunt and cousin came along.  Our second date, I was given ‘clearance’ to be alone with her if I had her home before dark.  At the end of the date, I was supposed to meet her parents but instead visited the home of her Aunt because her parents had to work late.   There are some ‘liberated‘ ladies here who date who they want, don’t involve their parents, get tattoos, smoke, drink and stay out late.   But they are not the ‘top-shelf’ Filipina that I am looking for as a long-term companion.

So.. onward into the new chapter with my wits about me and an eye fixed on the horizon.  I know what I want, I know she exists somewhere.. I just gotta sort through the candy store to find her.

Henry V.
www.lifebeyondthesea.com

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Author: Reekay

After 49 years living in Southern California, USA, I decided to move to the Philippines despite never having been here before. In July, 2012, I took a leap of faith and transplanted myself to the amazing Philippines. I am a single man taking an honest look at all that the islands here have to offer, one day at a time. I hope you find my LBTSea site informative, entertaining and hopefully a bit of each. 🙂 Be sure to visit the Forum and other parts of what the site has to offer. Browse around and be sure to sign up for updates via email. Enjoy!
— Reekay

32 comments

  1. And it's a awfully large candy store at that! Just remember to keep that horizon in check and that patience is a really good virtue… especially in the Philippines.

    1. I don’t know what concerns me more.. not finding someone who is ok with not having kids, or ‘settling’ too early. Like I mentioned, in the States I could date a few for awhile and make my choice. But here, after 3 dates they pretty much assume you ARE in a relationship. If they know you’re even just ‘dating’ other women, they get all offended and leave. I don’t like being rushed into things this important. Any ideas on how to ‘Americanize’ their concepts of dating? ‘Cause I can’t think of any right now. ha!

  2. Oh Henry, the choices you have to make. What a life hu! lol. But I do know a 49 years old woman, a Cebuana, a very good friend, who is also attractive, never been married and never had children, she’s into men, but unfortunately still not interested in having a relationship with anyone. Or maybe just got discouraged by a Filipino bad boy a long time ago. She’s just very happy being unattached. She’s in America though. If she’s in Cebu I would introduce her to you for company, but you are probably already very busy. Enjoy and good luck.

    1. Thanks. One of the other factors I didn’t delve into is that.. after so many years of dealing with older, American women who have been burned by at least three other bad relationships and have all this negative baggage about men to get through; I’ve had it with older women. Here it’s totally fine to be the gentle leader in a relationship, mentoring a younger woman along who actually appreciates the kindness and guidance an older man can offer her. That’s far more preferable to unraveling the damage an older woman often has with the idea at the ready that, “I knew it.. all you men are the same. You’re just like my ex-husband, ex-boyfriend..”, etc. Life is too short for that craziness, I’ll let someone else take that job. Me, I want a sweet, demure, appreciative woman I can spoil with respect and get the same in return. My only main problem is the speed they want to go into a relationship doesn’t give me much time to decide whether I want to either stay or go. ha!

  3. Henry, no mere mortal can resist their powers. I’m 50 myself and was captured 2 years ago in Mandaue City. Being a prisoner is not all that bad. You already know the ground rules. Don’t pick too soon and don’t pick a girl you can live with. Pick the girl you can’t live without. Superman, the island is loaded with kryptonite. We’re betting 30-45 days til you’re in love again. Either way, be happy…..VERY HAPPY. Life is good in Cebu.

    1. Sounds like you’re happy with your Filipina now that you’ve been ‘bagged ‘n tagged’. 🙂 I’m glad for you. As for me, I’m thinking that if I meet someone and she’s on the fast-track to live together (I’ve already had one offer for that), maybe the only way to let her go is to let her know I’m now dating someone else. But the problem I still have to solve is.. what about when I meet someone, like Michelle, who seems really nice but I need at least a few months to know her better… and then next week I meet some other really nice one? How do I spend time with both without a bunch of chaos and drama? Therein lies my dilemma so, any thoughts or experience any of you can pass on would be greatly appreciated. 🙂

  4. This is from my own experience. Love takes time…..sometimes. Then other times it just takes a decision. If you start with the right materials you can build anything. Does she want steak or soup ?? You both may start out wanting a friendly relationship and then realize that you’re good together. My first advice. Look with your heart not your eyes… We’ll leave the brain out of this completely. The flower fades and beauty is deceiving, but the heart will always stay lovely. You’re on an island that’s very big and very small at the same time. From your own advice, “You will get caught. Its just a matter of time “. You can’t have them all. Its like eating at a buffet. Focus on what you like the most. I know its a refreshing break from the States, but remember the things about your first love that made you come to the other side of the world. You’ll find it here. Just stay focused……..ONE AT A TIME

    1. Thanks for the advice. I’m on my first date with Michelle this weekend. No plans set up with any others, yet. Part of me says I should just run and hide as a means of staying single until I can sort this all out. But not having a consistent companion kinda sucks. Then again, losing my freedom to evaluate my options so quickly doesn’t sound too appealing either. But I would for the right one. Hmm.. this is gonna be an interesting situation. I’ll keep you posted.

    2. p.s. — So.. just in case I might have misunderstood you, what you’re saying is; I can’t have them all? It’s a small island, I’m figuring the demographics of what I’m looking for should narrow it down to maybe 300 on Mactan that fit my criteria. I’m not saying ‘have’ them all.. but more like ‘evaluate’ all the options before making a decision. 🙂

        1. Yes.. the pigs always get caught in the middle of these sort of situations. ha! Actually, she and I are going to sell the piglets that are mine in December and she’ll reimburse me for them at that time. I’ll also reimburse her for the food and vet bills. After that she and a friend will continue with the piggy farm without me. She and I get along fine, in fact, she met me at the Waterfront Hotel for a nice breakfast there since I had to go to the American Consulate there this morning.

  5. So (300 women) x (1 to 3 dates) on an island of beautiful, gossiping jealous women. Yeah, I think that is an equation that equals DRAMA. If you can pull it off YOU ARE SUPERMAN. If you can’t, you’ll NEED SUPERMAN to get you off that island. I played music for years and the stage is intoxicating. You’re on stage now. Its cool isn’t it ? But don’t let it carry you away. Most men don’t know what its like to be in such demand. You’re a good man. Don’t become a player. One of the things I most love about the Phils is the love and innocence of the people. The way America use to be when we were young. Make love the most important thing or the beauty will keep your head turning until your neck snaps. The next one is always prettier. That’s why its called temptation. Remember, they don’t believe in divorce. In their mind love and marriage is forever…And I promise you, they love completely. Especially if they are a clean sheet of paper. (Young and haven’t known heartbreak). If…When you find THE ONE, she will love you so well, you will feel unworthy. I’m forgetting I must be politically correct in this day and time. By “have” we don’t mean sex. That will cloud everything and make a good decision impossible. Intimacy of the heart is always first. Take your time. You’ll do well. You’re a good guy.

    1. The ones that are brazen, like at the Ayala Mall who just pretty much grab you and push for whatever they can get.. those are pretty easy to spot and put on the no-fly list. ha!

  6. I believe you’re right. One at a time and then when it seems ‘right’.. just go for it and forget about the rest. The last thing I want is drama and chaos.

    I had a date lined up for Friday. That unraveled.. seems she ‘may’ have had a boyfriend already. She says they broke up. (They barely started the relationship 3 weeks ago.) I said, okay.. I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt. But then she came back with ‘lets be friends’, ‘cant date now, got family issues’ and even ‘maybe you should date other girls’ so.. I guess scratch that one off the list.

    Only 298 left to go.

  7. But then she came back with ‘lets be friends’, ‘cant date now, got family issues’ and even ‘maybe you should date other girls’ so.. I guess scratch that one off the list. You Got Busted !!! Every girl wants to be THE ONE. From the time she was young she dreamed of ” The Fairy Tale”. (Pretty Woman, Snow White, Cinderella). A good singer for example, George Michael still needs good lyrics.( Father Figure and One More Try). Read the lyrics carefully. Women look at the package, but remember the words. They compare the words to the actions and then allow themselves to be in love. Men remember the package and……………Love songs work because they are written from one to one. Cupid doesn’t shoot a shotgun, he shoots an arrow. Ready, Aim, Fire.

    1. The only thing is, I wasn’t dating anyone else when I asked her out. Sarah was a done deal, that was over in 3 days. Michelle felt put on the spot when I asked why she was going out with me when she just started a relationship with another guy only 3 weeks ago. But it’s ok, if she’s not interested then better I know now before dating her in vain while she has a Filipino boyfriend I (almost) didn’t know about.

      Meanwhile.. back at the ranch… I’m going to try a more traditional, Filipino approach next time. Rather than try to develop an Americanized version of dating here, it seems to make more sense to do ‘courting’ as it is expected from Filipinas.

      As you said, since they were little girls they’ve dreamed of a proper courting and being the only One dated, exclusively. So.. I’m gonna do that and not even entertain any other prospect, giving one young lady all my attention and focus.. meeting her family, chaperon, the whole 9 yards. Not with Michelle, I think she and I are pretty much done before even getting started. But.. the next one. 🙂

  8. Henry….
    Don’t forget, YOU ARE THE PRIZE. You are on the MOST WANTED LIST.

    Take time and Enjoy yourself…you still have 298 to go 😎

    1. I figure there’s two ways I can play this.. Quantity or Quality. Years ago I spent six full years going for Quantity and dragged a lot of bad fish into my net. It caused a lot of drama, money and chaos.. apart from the sex, the experience overall really sucked.

      Yah, I could go jumping around here.. there’s plenty of opportunity for that, no doubt. But, I’ve decided to pick the best one out of the bunch and go at this the old-fashioned, traditional Filipino method. Courtship, meeting the parents, chaperon.. the whole nine yards without any complaining and just enjoy the experience.

      I already, in the last 24 hours, have found a new candidate. She is amazingly beautiful.. very traditional values, not a party-girl and very close with her family. We’re getting along very well so I’m thinking to focus my attention just on her.

      Not as flashy as nailing half the island.. but a whole lot less complicated. 🙂

  9. Henry you are learning well. BUT…. LOVE IS THE PRIZE. That’s why you came here in the first place. If you were the prize you could live and die alone and be happy. Treat every woman you meet like the only one and they will pursue you. They will like the way you make them feel and remember that feeling long after you are gone. The gift of a true lover is speaking / singing to a crowd like she’s the only one. If you have daughters or a mother you already know how to do it. YOU ARE LATINO for God’s sake. My drummer told me to say that and she’s usually right. Show women the gift in you and the beauty in them. YOU CAN’T LOSE. Just practice everyday.

    1. Yes, if you can make them feel special and like they are the only one. You will do fine. I also don’t date women that I wouldn’t want in a LT relationship.

  10. Good luck Henry, btw how old is your new potential mate? I am also 49 and have been talking to a filipina student over the past year and im planning to visit her in march…I dont want any children and either does she…

    1. Mike, you’ve hit the Mother-load vein with that question. I am right now putting together a comprehensive article on this very topic. To be posted very soon and it will definitely challenge our own Western concepts about what defines a ‘proper mate’. Stay tuned, it’s gonna get interesting. 🙂

      1. Okay my new friend I will be anxiously awaiting your new comprehensive article. When I arrive in March and meet with my girlfriend I am anticipating that I will not blend well and stick out like the Jolly Green Giant. And be called a multitude of negatively connotative phrases… oh well … it is what it is…

        1. I have comforting news for you my friend.. the only negative stigma you will have to deal with is from the West. Here in the Philippines, she and her family will consider her to be the luckiest girl in the neighborhood. And there are so many other May-December relationships here walking in the mall, same situation as you, on a daily basis that nobody will even bat an eye. Trust me, I see it every week.. it’s no big deal here.

          Back home? That’s another story.

          1. okay my friend.. Henry, that’s great news to me, probably the best news I’ve heard all week and quite frankly l could care less what people in the states would say. I’ll be the Jolly Green Giant but they will be the ones who will be green with envy…;)

  11. BTW, I know i’m off topic here ,and I appoligize in advance for that…But i just wanted to compliment you on your outstanding service with regards to the supplying of my Lovely Filipina with a load. It’s now my understanding that Touch Mobile is not the most universally utilized moble service and as such, requires additioal labor on your part to provide the load to the end user. However, You went over and above what i feel that anyone else would have done in an expeditious manner to provide my GF with the mobile load. You are a true professional Henry, and I sincerely thank you for that my new friend…:)

  12. I just catching up on your posts. I was reading what you are looking for in a Pinay. I agree with many of the qualities you want. I agree you need a Pinay with a job or in college. I think it may be difficult to find a young Pinay who doesn’t want any kids. I had a Pinay GF that had a daughter with loser who she had married but they separated early because he never worked. She wanted to finish her college so I paid for it and it kept her busy. The daughter also was a joy and no problems. So you might want to look for a single mom, then you won’t be pressured to have more kids. She will appreciate you more for taking her and the child because no Pinoy will do this.

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