Love In The Philippines, “What’s It All About, Reekay?”

love in the philippinesBack when I was a kid of eight years old, it was 1971.  I lived a pretty sheltered life and had no clue what sex was, much less what this whole “sexual revolution” thing I kept hearing the grown-ups talk about in hushed tones at neighborhood barbecues might be about.  My Dad was in the Marines (4 years) and then Air Force (20 years) so I just hoped this revolution wouldn’t involve my Dad going to war.  That’s pretty much how clueless I was.  Unlike today’s eight year olds.. but don’t get me started on that.


I’ve been nocturnal since even that age and on weekends my parents would let me stay up watching tv until the signal went off the air at around 1a.m.  That’s when they’d play either the Air Force ‘High Flight’ poem or the ‘Crying Indian’ footage and then the signal went to a test pattern along with a long beep-tone that went on until the next morning’s broadcast.

But before that happened, the family would go to bed and I’d be up watching Carl Kolchak chase down vampires and monsters in “The Night Stalker”, a predecessor to the X-Files show or “Men In Black” films.. way ahead of it’s time if you ask me.  Another show that absolutely puzzled me was this show, “Love, American Style”.  Even the title confused me.  Does every nation have it’s own ‘style’ of Love?  I’d watch all the little skits they’d do and could never make heads or tails of why everyone was acting so goofy.  It was a very 70’s type show complete with the bell-bottom pants and polyester shirts with the paisley designs.

So it was around this time that a movie came along one night on the ABC Friday Night Movies which was a seminal turning point in my  whole outlook on love and romance.  It was a movie starring Michael Caine called, Alfie.  I got absorbed into that movie.  Back then you couldn’t save it to Tivo or rent the dvd.  If a movie came on television you paid attention because it might be another year before they replayed it.  So there, with a blanket on the sofa I observed this man’s life as a carefree, single bachelor.  (Jumping forward for just a moment, the film was later recreated in 2004, with Jude Law in the starring role, soundtrack by Mick Jagger.  I love both versions of the film.)

whats it all aboutIn the film the main character, Alfie, is a handsome, young bachelor making his way through life focused on the one pursuit of enjoying as many women as he can fit into his waking hours.  He has the charm, the looks and his carefree philosophy of bringing moments of joy into so many women’s lives is his way of giving back to the universe.  Mind you, having a multitude of lovers is a ‘job’ he takes on with great enthusiasm.  He doesn’t become emotionally attached, he can’t afford it.  Doing so would collapse his lifestyle.  How could he possibly limit himself to one woman when there are simply SO many available  in need of the ray of sunshine he brings to each one?  I will leave it to you to see either version of the film to find out what becomes of Alfie in the end.  I highly recommend seeing the film if you haven’t already.

Which brings me to.. as you can imagine, the lifestyle we single men enjoy upon arrival to the Philippines.  Many of us were no ‘Alfie’ in our home country.  Even the successful bachelors never had it so easy ‘back home‘ as once they set up camp here in the PH.  I had only been off my plane no more than 5 hours and already I could see opportunities all around me.  This.. is the place to be a Single man.  I am still overwhelmed by it all more than a year after arriving.

While walking about the Grand Mall on Mactan one day, I began conversation with an expat by the name of Nile, from midwest America.  He was in his early 60’s and as we began to meet daily at the Chow King for lunch he told me of his travels he’d been on for more than a decade.  When we counted them up, he’d traveled to the life of alfie philippinesover 18 countries including China, Singapore, Russia, Thailand, Malaysia and of course, the Philippines.  He was a confirmed bachelor with no intention of ever getting married.  He’d had several women in every country.  Sometimes switching them every month, other times living with them for up to 8 months before packing his one suitcase and backpack to hit the airport for a new destination.  The last time I saw him he was catching a flight to Singapore with his Filipina girlfriend where he intended to break up with her and move on to another country.

I asked him, “What about when you get too old to travel?  When you need someone for full-time care?”  He just mildly laughed and said, “I’ll pay someone.  I’ll settle into a place have someone paid to take care of me.”

I then asked, “But.. what about that someone being a woman you have some history with?  Someone you can trust, who cares about you?”  His response, “Don’t need it.  You chase it if you want though.”

Now, at the time he told me this it was during my first few months in the Philippines.   I was locked into a complicated relationship with a life of alfiemarried woman.  (Yes, I know.. very bad idea in the PH but, it’s over now.)   Listening to his travels and long string of women, ‘Alfie’ came back to my mind in a whole new light.  This man was living it.  Here I was, not really in a relationship and not really single either and meanwhile Nile is running amok in the candy store.  He soon caught his flight to Singapore with the girl he was ready to dump and I’ve yet to see him since.

A lot has happened in the year since meeting him.  I ended my relationship with the married Filipina, moved to Bohol and began working on a new game-plan.  But which direction to take now with my newfound freedom?  Here I am, a single man, 50 years old and surrounded by beautiful, young, eager Filipinas at literally every turn willing.. hoping even, that some ‘rich’ foreigner like me will strike up some conversation with them.  I know this should seem like a no-brainer but.. it hasn’t been.

As I’ve mentioned before, I have a “no babies” clause that I simply will not deviate from.  I’ve raised four kids already, it was great.. fantastic and I love them greatly but, I don’t desire to do it again.  It  is a wonderful experience for anyone who desires being a Father again, but it’s not what I personally want.

Perhaps it is because I first married when I was only 19 years old.  And that to the only girlfriend I’d ever had, from high school.  Was married for ten years.  So, for me, there was no period of my life (until now) where I was a single man, living in my own home, on my own recon and living spontaneously.  There was none of that for me in my younger years.  I graduated high school.. got married.. three years later, I was a Father.   That charted my course for me to live a stable, conservative life for my family.  Job, health insurance, vacations, in-laws.. the whole ball of wax, starting at 19 years old.

And so, now that I have my freedom once again.. I will admit that remaining a bachelor in philippinesliving the life of Alfie or Nile does have some appeal to it.  I’ve experienced it and it’s quite intoxicating.  And quite honestly, I’m not ready to give it up just yet.  I will admit that it could ruin a man if he doesn’t manage it properly.  There’s a long list of men who have been destroyed one way or another from enjoying too much of a good thing to keep an eye on his assets or personal safety.  I don’t want to be added to that list.

But where to find a woman who (a) I find attractive, (b) has no kids, wants no kids, (c) has a good heart, (d) is a woman I can trust and adore, and most importantly.. (e) I want her so much I’ll forsake every other woman available to live happily with her.

I’ve perused the online dating profiles.  Among the Filipinas under 25, many of them do not have children.  But the vast majority of them check the box that says, ‘Yes‘ to the question; “Do you want kids?”.  The ones looking to widen their net answer, ‘Unsure‘.  Which to me means, “I’ll tell him I don’t want kids and then maybe change his mind.”  Young women want at least one child.. it’s a force of nature that cannot be dismissed easily.

As for the Filipinas over 25.. it’s hard to find one that doesn’t already have children.  Usually from some boyfriend that took off once she got pregnant.  Sometimes from a marriage where, again, the husband took off to be with his mistress and start yet another family while being paper-married to her since there is no divorce in the Philippines.  That leaves her in this “complicated” situation to say the least when it comes to starting a new relationship, knowing she can’t re-marry and jeopardizes jail-time for having a live-in lover while being paper-married.  It’s only a matter of time before the paper-husband comes sniffing around for blackmail money if she’s hooked up with a ‘rich’ foreigner.

So, whether it’s online or offline.. being a carefree bachelor, unattached and not looking to marry seems to be the way to go if you’re not looking to have more kids.  It’s a slam-dunk finding a woman to marry if you’re willing to raise a new family.  Marrying a Filipina with a child, or having children together.. it all works out great.  There is literally a plethora of beautiful women available for that.. IF you’re open to having a family.  My 2nd wife had a 5 year old daughter who we raised together as our own and it was a wonderful experience.  Any man who is willing to marry a woman with a child or children and raise them as his own is a good man in my book.  A very good man and I tip my hat to you in admiration and respect.

As for me, I know what I want.  I want what I never had, a mate to be with.. just the two of us.  I want the ’empty nest’ relationship.  Just my wife and I, my partner in crime to go off on whatever adventure we feel like exploring together at our own pace with just a backpack each and not a diaper bag to be found.  I’ve enjoyed this before, for wine on the beachbrief weekends here and there with my previous relationship (the married woman) and it was fantastic.   Not that we even planned to do that all the time.  Sometimes we just sat and drank wine on a terrace and talked for hours beneath the stars.  No interruptions from kids who need a drink of water.  Just the two of us enjoying a wonderful night together.

But where to find this woman?.. this partner in crime who will run amok with me as my very best and closest friend on the planet, with me to the end??  It’s not enough that she doesn’t have kids.  It’s not enough that she isn’t able to bear children. She has to be firmly settled in her mind that she won’t be adopting any in the future with me.   Or possibly her child is nearly ready to leave the house.  It’s a good thing I’m in a sea of women here because what I’m looking for is a one in a million rarity in a Catholic country where a woman’s identity is largely attached to her producing some children with her husband combined with a social stigma that discourages the use of birth control.   As for me, I’ve been shooting blanks for 20 years so, after much field testing and a repeat cauterization for good measure, there will be no more little Reekays.

There is one glimmer of hope on the horizon currently.  I did meet a woman only 2 weeks ago who, so far, seems to meet what I’m searching for.  I am very attracted to her.  She has no children.  She is 37 and had already considered not having children so late in her life due to losing her last pregnancy during the 3rd month.  She is widowed, so she is available and single.  She is from the province, takes care of her parents and is a hard working woman with a cheerful outlook on life and her own small business.  She’s adventurous and, she makes me laugh.  But most of all she has a heart of gold.  Her name is Jovan.

But.. I’ve only known her 2 weeks.  I told her up front that I am not ready to commit to a relationship for another six to nine months, once she and I take some time to get to know each other better.  Even this she is fine with.  She is in zero hurry.  Her husband seems to have been a good man and passed away only ten months ago.  She was not looking for a relationship.  Like me she’d been tossing herself into her work as a productive way to cope and spend her time.

Frankly, the whole idea of starting a relationship scares me out of my mind.  It scares me that it might end in some terrible fashion like the Greek tragedy of relationships past.  It also scares me that perhaps I actually found what I’m looking for so quickly and effortlessly.  Can it possibly be providence has smiled upon my undeserving soul yet once again?  I have no idea.

whats it all about alfie - philippines lifeI think once again to the lifestyle of Nile.. how much safer that is, emotionally.  No commitments.  No heartbreaks.  No dashed hopes or mangled expectations.  Just bounce freely along, skimming the surface from one woman to the next.. a new beginning, over and over again.  The perpetual honeymoon phase and then off to the next one.  Like having the icing off the cupcake and moving on.  This lifestyle calls my name like a siren late at night when even the roosters have fallen asleep and the crickets have stopped chirping.  The late hours between midnight and 4a.m. is when I hear that life calling me like a voice in the ocean late at night.. offering me safety from the heartaches that may come with pursuing a lasting relationship.  Just have fun.  No expectations, no disappointments.

I look at that life.  And then I look at Jovan’s photo on my phone.  I lay back against my pillow under the mosquito net and I ask myself, “What it’s all about?”

Henry ‘Reekay’ V.
www.lifebeyondthesea.com



 

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Author: Reekay

After 49 years living in Southern California, USA, I decided to move to the Philippines despite never having been here before. In July, 2012, I took a leap of faith and transplanted myself to the amazing Philippines. I am a single man taking an honest look at all that the islands here have to offer, one day at a time. I hope you find my LBTSea site informative, entertaining and hopefully a bit of each. 🙂 Be sure to visit the Forum and other parts of what the site has to offer. Browse around and be sure to sign up for updates via email. Enjoy!
— Reekay

76 comments

  1. None of us knows these celebrity couples personally and the truest truth about their relationships is that they don’t owe any of us an explanation about the trajectory of their partnerships. What’s unfortunate though is the same people who complain about being hounded by their family and friends about marriage and who have explanations on top of explanations for their current relationship status don’t extend the same “we’re not all cut-from the same I-want-to-be-married-today cloth” courtesy they’re seeking from other people. How is it wrong for Brandy to want to be married, wrong (or an assumed lie) that Gabby is waiting to be married, and wrong for Oprah to not want to be married? Are they not representative of who we are in actuality: diverse, contemporary woman with different relationship desires? And really, what other options are there outside of these other than it’s not legal for us to get married?

  2. Cheers to you Henry and good luck. It’s good you meet Jovan, she seems nice. I hope you both have a better love story ending than Alfie’s. You are a talented writer. Have you written that book you said you were going to write?

    1. I agree Henry is very talented writer. I brought a book a few years back titled ” A man’s guide to life and love in the Philippines” by Larry Elterman on Amazon.com. I hope Henry writes a book for expats that are seeking advice on living in the Philippines. Larry states in one chapter that men should marry young women, because
      men will become envious seeing other men with young women. I would like to experience an author who’s view point is less shallow. But that’s his opinion.

      1. I’ve been focusing on the video portion but, soon as I pass 250 videos online I hope to begin focusing on more articles and some books. I have both eBooks and novels floating in my head waiting to get tapped out. One thing at a time though. Making progress every day. 🙂

  3. Hello Henry,
    What you say is true, I just happened to be going from Singapore to Cebu on the plane and met a very attractive 30 y.o. that was, how do you say, up for a for a good time, on her insistence, this was before I found out she was married and also had a boy friend hahahahaha.I am no spring chicken and as you have met me you must agree on this but quite honestly some of the offers I had I still can’t believe. As for your friend Nile,I think one day he will regret not having the courage to give his heart to one of his ladies. Take care, keep the beer cold, not long now.

    Regards
    Chris

  4. I think you need to follow the beat of your own drummer as trite as that sounds. Nile has a good life…for him. Yet, his unwillingness or lack of desire to settle down may not be what you want. I sense from your writings here that it is not. That’s cool, we all have own drummers, even the women.

    My recommendation, take it for what it’s worth, is to just enjoy your time with Jovan and see where it leads. Also pay attention to your intuition even if you are over the top smitten with her, if something “feels” amiss then you need to check that. Otherwise enjoy the ride and don’t worry about where the journey may (or may not) lead. If she’s that great woman who is your souls companion you’ll know. If not there are 82 bazillion others. You won’t miss the boat. Here’s the really big thing, if Jovan really is so right for you the kid thing will work itself out (if it’s even an issue). Just trust your instinct and your inner voice and you can’t miss. Or if you do miss at least it won’t be fatal.

    1. I’m thinking you’re onto it. There’s no way I could just walk away from Jovan without giving it a chance to know for sure. I just have to play it out over time. If the right elements are there, I think it will be obvious. If not, I wouldn’t want to waste her time.

      1. That lifestyle if fine for a youngun’. Most of us grow out of that and find there is more joy to be had by making someone else happy than by the ME ME ME thing. I suspect the guy has an emptiness he doesn’t quite understand. Poor fellow has no solid friends. He might lie to himself about it. Once one does that, it’s not a lie any more when talking or even bragging about it, because it is honestly believed the individual.

        1. Yah. My Dad divorced my Mom when he was about 42 and remained a bachelor the rest of his life. When I went through his things after he passed away, he had at least five notebooks filled with the names, addresses, birthdays and notes of women he’d been dating over the decades. The sad thing is he finally had gotten engaged to a woman he knew from high school and he passed away only months before the wedding. Nile ‘seems’ okay with that for now. But later, he may regret it. Or not. A minority few people are happier remaining single.

  5. Great story Henry, like you I arrived here 1 year ago seeking an adventure after 30 years of marriage, children and the works. I have been hooked up with a nice girl who also makes me laugh although demanding at times. There is certainly a wide range of relationships to be had here as you explained. My brother brought his whole family here and much to my surprise exploited some those relationships even whilst having his current wife living with him. I guess he could not resist the temptation that flows like the ocean here and I will have to admit I sometimes find it hard myself. Keep up the good stories, I hope it works out for you with the new lady.

    1. Me too. She only takes off Sundays from her business, so today we hung out doing stuff. She’s in no hurry, mature and very cool. She has her own motorcycle so we went riding for awhile after a movie then had conversation over some Pizza Hut. No red-flags so far, liking her more and more every time I see her.

      1. Great to hear, Reekay, pullin’ for you for a happy ending. Not massage parlor happy ending, I mean hoping it all works out good for you both. You seem to have a knack for finding the ones that are mature minded and don’t have unrealistic expectations of you, ending in trouble or a nasty breakup. I am sure you will find the right gal.

        1. Thanks. I’m hoping for the best, but I think I finally learned from my earlier years that rushing in is not the way to go. If things do work out between Jovan and I, if we get married I plan to continue dating her as if she’s my girlfriend. 🙂

  6. well Henry, you know how I feel and I will share with your other readers the words I gave you when you told me about Jovan. Enjoy your time together and in time you will know what is meant to be. as far as the child thing goes, I already had a premonition. and, just as you wonder how the story will unfold between you and Jovan, I will wait to see how my premonition unfolds. Love is a powerful thing we dont always understand. It is truly felt with the heart and not with the mind.

  7. ''What's it all about?'' Love, Henry! As Nisratta said ''The consciousness in you and the consciousness in me, apparently two, really one, seek unity and that is love.''.

    I think the guy who just has endless women is not happy and seriously lacks love because if you love someone you can't just get rid of them like that. That is cold hearted behaviour, a sure sign of a being with a lack of love.

    The trick to finding what you are after is finding someone with a few [at least] mutual interests as your own simply because then you have things to communicate about together and communication is life and creates life in a relationship, group etc.

    Relationships break down on communication which is usually preceded by differences in realities, different goals etc.so the other person becomes ''unreal'' just like those nasty monsters that used to stalk Darren McGavin in those sewers in the Nightstalker! I grew up laying on the couch with a blanket too watching that show.
    and also other great American stuff like The Man From U.N.C.L.E as Aussie programs were few and far between back in the 70's.

    One last possibly helpful quote is from Friedrich Nietzsche ''It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.''.

  8. My own life experience was practically the opposite of yours: Single until my 30’s, then met a woman more than 8 years my senior. We decided on no children as a lifestyle choice, and I had a very satisfying home life. That’s code for good sex with no complications. 😛

    Now that I am a widower, I’m looking forward to being a kid in a candy store when I come there to retire. The thing is, I’m uncertain as to whether children will figure in my life. Sure, that means a commitment to their future (and a constant pain in the ass until they reach the age of majority). However, I can’t say for sure I don’t want that for myself. Chances are, it’ll happen “by accident”, which will settle the matter by default.

    [Sigh]

  9. Hi Henry,

    If Jovan turns out to be all she appears to be, consider yourself a lucky man.
    Don;t let a gal like this one get away. I’ve been lucky in love with a really great Cebuano husband for a long time now, and if you meet someone that meets all your desires, the fates have continued to be kind and are looking out for you. For myself, it was great fun looking in the beginning, and a even now young stud on the side could be inviting, 🙂 but IMHO, finding the right mate and making a commitment can only enhance your experience and longtime future in the Philippines. Having a partner to take you to that next level and intimately open up a new world for you that is the real Philippines through her eyes and experiences. The search can be fun with many dates and partners, but you’re really only just scratching the surface. I’m pulling for Jovan to be the one, but it will all be up to you and she ultimately and as you said, you’ll want to take your time and let your gut instinct decide.
    Take care! Queenie

    1. Thanks for the encouragement. I spent the day with her yesterday and am even more convinced she’s a ‘keeper’. Even so, I’m giving her time to get to know me as well. Next weekend we plan to have lunch at her parent’s house, she will be doing the cooking. Then we’ll be going for a scooter ride to the beach. I’m stopping by her resto tonight so we can have coffee together. She’s pretty awesome. 🙂

      1. Hello Henry, I hope the best for the both of you. I’m a sucker for happy endings. But what I want to ask is how is your communication with her

  10. I am starting to think I am a strange one among men. I am 55 and have no interest in women in their twenties or thirties. I am lucky. I have always been attracted to women my own age group. At this point I really appreciate a beautiful woman developing laugh lines and personality in her face. When I was in my twenties, I would have considered women like that to be old.

    If you don’t want kids or don’t want to date a women with them, date someone your age group. Her kids will be grown and she will have a well developed sense of self and a confidence that no one in their thirties/twenties will have.

    I tried dating a girl in her late twenties a while back and not only did we look silly together but we really had nothing to talk about. I was the one that ended it.

    1. Yes, a lot of truth to what you say.. we each need to find what we’re attracted to, both inside and out. The woman I’m seeing now is 37 years old. Every so often I pass by this super-cute Filipina at the mall who is gorgeous and about 21 years old. That’s nice and all, and I’m sure some other guy will jump at the chance to have her.. but I like the idea right now of being with someone who has suffered through some of life and come out the other end a survivor, like Jovan. And not only survived, but kept her joy and smile intact. That’s the kind of person I want next to me.

      The younger girls, you pretty much gotta hold their hand through how to cope with life before they actually mature in their 30+ years. Some guys are up for that.. more power to them. Me, I want the best friend I’ve ever had who has been around the block and know’s what’s going on. Not to the degree that I’d date a 50 year old though, but a person 13 years younger than me seems to be a good range for me.

      1. I’ve always had girl friends here in the State that were 10 years younger than me. One reason I look young for my age. I too can’t see myself with a 18 to 29 year old. I prefer women online 30+
        But I notice that Filipinas don’t seem to age very well. I’m 65 and I’ve seen many women in their early 40’s who look older than me. So, I won’t date women that look like my child or women that looks as old as my mother.

        1. Speaking on the more, outward aspect.. one nice thing about dating women in their 30’s is that by then you got a pretty good idea of how well they ‘hold up’ into the later part of their life. I’ve seen some really cute 20 year olds who are just cute as a button.. ‘right now’. But you can just tell they’re gonna kinda ’round out’ later in life. Like we used to say in high-school, “always meet the Mom” for a preview of the future. ha! Some women have a high metabolism, even hypERthyroidism, which keeps them thin their entire life no matter what diet or excercise regimen they have. Other women, either due to genetics or hypOthyroidism will continue to gain weight despite dieting/exercise. I’ve seen some Filipinas here in their mid-40’s who are still a total knock-out, still putting the younger girls to shame. ha!

          But.. getting past the physical, if she’s super hot and can’t be trusted, I’ll pass.

          1. Thanks for the advice, Henry. I also notice, for instance if I filter a search for women on the DateInAsia web site in the age range of 35-45 many of the ladies are over weight.

            It seems like you got lucky in meeting Jovan. I hope everything works out great and the both of you have a great and happy life together.

            P.S. Does she have a sister LOL

    2. I chatted with a women in Manila for over a year. She is 35 had a bachelor degree and worked as a school teacher. We chatted everyday about many different topics and tell each other joke. I never got bored chatting with her. So, there was very serious and not so serious conversation with a lot of laughter. That’s the kind of girl I hope to meet in Cebu.

  11. Hi Henry. Love your videos and articles. It’s great to hear things about my country from a different perspective. Congrats on your first year and I hope you continue enjoying your stay. I’m a pinoy based here in MetroManila btw. What really boggles my mind is that a male would have to look all the way to another country for an eligible female he can marry. It’s seems so risky with so many unknowns. Anyway, I’ll be watching out for more of your videos. Make sure you also visit other parts of my country. Good luck!

    1. Kumosta Nols? Welcome to LBTSea!

      I think Americans like Filipinas in part because they are somewhat exotic to us, and opposites attract. Just like many Filipino men are attracted to American women. I personally like the Filipino culture and the way a good Filipina treats her husband.

      1. Speaking for myself (and male Pinoys in general), I find many foreign women very attractive but I would say most male Filipinos will still marry a Filipina if given a choice. As an added advice to foreigners, you will not just be marrying a Filipina but you also be marrying into her family as well. It’s just the way it is with our culture.

  12. I’m happy for you Henry . I hope it works out for you . I think that if Jovan can give you what you want , then you should go for it . Because the bottom line is when will you meet another girl like her . Yeah you can always find a pretty girl , but that girl will not have all that qualities that Jovan has . All the best . Pmags1331

  13. I hope you really found “the one” now. All what you`ve posted on youtube and here it´s true. In fact I made now 3 times the wrong experience and paid a high price for that.
    Well, I am about 50 years on age, galing sa Germany, speak fluently English and basic Tagalog now.( I am still learning to get certificate level).
    I think looking for someone in my own age group would be good for me.And of course there´s one thing I´ve learned forever now: First and main condition – she must have an own job, and her own money for living. ( I got lost several miliyons ng piso already).
    And these girls in the Malls, in an age of 20 with an 70 years old foreigner “boyfriend”..that are long stories, maybe I write about an own blog.

    I wish you the best time of your life doon sa Pilipinas.
    In 2014, I will also finally move there after I visited several times all parts of the country. I am not retired, but nevertheless…life is short !!

    Maraming salamat at ingat ka parati

    1. Part of me says I should get the prettiest, youngest, hottest girl I can find and go with that. Then my brain kicks into gear and.. I want more than that. Don’t get me wrong, the young ones are awesome.. for a while. I’m finding that when I think about going down a road that would lead to actually getting married, for me.. and for what I want.. someone over 35 is a better match. Teaching a younger girl to navigate Life can be fun and all, but I’ve done that in my last marriage. It was great and all. But now I’m thinking for the long-haul if/when I do settle down I need a real companion that doesn’t come with a huge learning curve.

      1. I’ve been chatting with Filipinas for over 3 years now. I found one 35 years of age and college educated and works as an elementary school teacher in Manila. We chatted every day, when I wake up we would chat for 2 hours and when she wakes up again chat for about 2 hour. One time we chatted for 16 hours taking breaks only to eat. We talked about every under the sun and there was many hahahahs. I really like her. When she asked me when I was moving to PH I kept pushing back the date to get more money. But she started chatting less and less, I saw on her Facebook that she in a new relationship with a Filipino. Moral of story a Filipino in hand is worth more than a foreigner in the bush. I’m sure these ladies hear so many false promises. But, I made up my mind I will finally retire and move to Cebu PH in first half of 2014. Happiness is more important than money. I read a story today about a 24 year old professional football player walking away from millions of dollars and the game to find happiness. It’s men like that and Henry that I admire.

        1. Yes, it´s true. While chatting a long time with someone, you cannot await to go there.My experience is, better wait until you are there and then maybe chat and meet the person the same day. But I think there will be no need to chat anymore once you are there in person 😉 Things will come fast and automatically…
          My situation is similar. After many times staying there in the Philippines, sometimes for 2 or 3 months I want make a living there, also near Cebu. The most likely places were Davao, Guiuan, Cebu, Meycauayan.
          I am same age like Henry, not retired yet and living in Germany. The only problem is to collect enough money to stay there in the Philippines. And by the way: A simple life, walking away from consumerism and materialism is also my plan.This is the next problem, because Filipinas expect that all foreigners are rich…and support the whole family, buy a house, a car and so on.
          This is not my way of life and especially a problem for a foreigner in the Philippines.
          A good hint: Before you move to Cebu in 2014, make a basic language course in Cebuano.
          I am learning Tagalog until 2014, before I go back to Pinas. That will helps you a lot and you will be treatened in complete another way by the Filipinos.

          Ok then and a good time for you

          1. Thanks for the advice Manananggalaswang, I plan to learn the language after I move there. Here’s a story I saw about the Phoenix Suns First round draft pick a center from Europe. I saw the interview on the internet, he said the his rapid learning of the English language was due to having an American girl friend. His English is very good for someone that’s only been to the States for less than 2 years. Maybe I can find a girl that speaks very good English and have her teach me her native language.

  14. I remember Night Stalker and Love American Style. Haven’t thought about either show for over 30 years. Night Stalker had just the right balance of scary drama and humor. Love American Style was kind of silly but often had beautiful babes, which as a teenage boy,
    was fine by me.

  15. Well you must really be starry eyed and she must be beautiful…because you have posted only one time this month…not even a diary entry…leaving all your readers left out…lol

    1. ha! She is a rare gem and has cast some sort of voodoo on me. But believe it or not, still taking it all very, very slow. Completely platonic. We decided that we’ll work on the friendship until at least March before even thinking about moving beyond that. I like that she’s not in any hurry. Gives us time to simply know each other better. But I’ll try to update on the latest here soon. I just uploaded two new videos to the Youtube channel today. https://www.youtube.com/user/enricosuave263

  16. Lol wow ,she may be your soul mate .funny how God seen you take the leap of faith,and you traveled half a world away to find your new life an bride to be .i.wish an hope you the besy my Friend.

    1. So far.. all is going well. We’re still platonic friends until her full year of mourning is over. But enjoying our company together so, it’s all good. 🙂 Just taking it one day at a time.

      1. Hi, Henrey
        Wish you the best in search of happiness.
        I’m a pinoy here in WA USA. live here in
        Pacific Northwest for 32 years since my mid 20’s. Never been back . I thank you
        For all experiences you posted. I didn’t
        Know a lot of own Country.

  17. Hi. I am in a 12 year relationship with a woman 10 years older than me. She seperated from her husband 9 years ago. I love her but i don’t want to leave her she has four kids and she is 40 and if i want a kid i need to have one now and i really don’t want that. But if i have to do it now I will a lot of people younger than me have kids. However i’m putting my whole life on hold because of this realtionship, i have fallen out with my very Catholic parents who are really good people but can’t see what i’m doing is right. i cant travel I’ve a masters degree and can’t get a job in the isolated part of my country i live in. Can i leave her or should i stay. i totally love her but i’m worried the reasons I’m staying with her is cause i want to keep her safe and i feel full of regrets already. As pathtetic as this sounds, she is the only woman i’ve ever been with. But i’m starting to feel resentment towards her cause of all the sacrifices i’ve made and i’ve been a bad boyfriend lately as a result. She has been amazing though treating me like a king but i’m just so torn i don’t who what to do… Any advice out there?

    1. I’d say you need to find an answer to these questions which only You can answer. (1.) How important is it to you to have your own children? (2.) Are you ready to commit to marriage with this woman?

      If the answer to both of these was ‘Yes’.. you wouldn’t have such an inward dilemma. It sounds, to me, like you want to wait a while before having children, but if you stay with this woman you need to do it now before she gets much older.

      The child issue is secondary though. First, you need to decided.. Do you want to marry this woman? If the answer is ‘No.’, don’t confuse that with the pain of breaking up. If you don’t break up with her, you’ll end up common-law married to her by default in practice since you won’t be free to date other women. Time will pass and she will effectively become your wife. So.. the question is, will you make that choice consciously or wait for circumstance to choose for you?

      If you love her but don’t want to marry her, you need to move on. In fact, you should have moved on about 9 years ago but it’s too late for that now. Dragging out the decision is what got you into this predicament in the first place.

      So.. think in through and, if you truly love this woman, marry her. If not, don’t play house with her because it puts her life on hold too. You can always help her financially from a distance if you choose.

  18. I have been dating a married woman for over 4 years. I have been in a relationship for the past 2 years. We agreed that no one other than her husband and my girlfriend would come between us. She also told me that if I ever got married she would break it off with me.I got engaged on Christmas Day and didnt tell her. Other people at work found out but i still didnt tell her because i really loved her and didnt want to lose her. She found out the week of my wedding that it was about to happen so i had to tell her. She got extremely upset which i understand,told me she couldnt trust me anymore and told me not to call or text her anymore and she would get her number changed. Its been a week and i havent heard anything else from her. I sent her a text apologizing for not telling her and told her i didnt tell her for fear of losing her. She hasnt responded to anything and when i call she doesnt answer. I just want to know should i stop calling and texting and have i really lost her. She and i have been best friends for over 4 years and i really love her so much and know that she loves me.What do i do now? I miss talking to her and seeing her whenever we could.

    1. I was dating a married woman for 3 years and finally had to let it end. She would break up with me for seeing other women, meanwhile she was living with her husband. As it turned out for you, you realized you needed someone on a daily basis, not just when convenient. My advice is, build your new life with your wife and don’t look back to what you had with the married woman. This will allow her to find someone new (which she can’t do with you hanging on) and will avoid problems with your new marriage. It was a period on your life, but now it’s over. The sooner you accept that, the better for you, your new wife and your ex/girlfriend.

  19. Hello to this forum……and to all the men in here..i just want to ask everyone why most of old men were into a very young lady like 18 to 28 years old young lady…which the age of this guy(foreigner)is like 60 to 78 years old..it’s just my observation bcoz i been doing this dating site thing and hoping to find a foreigner but i think i’m not that lucky or maybe it’s not in my destiny to marry one..which sometimes make me disappointed…

    1. While many men are looking for younger women, many men do not want the immaturity and are seeking women over their 30’s. It’s best to meet people in person, but if you establish expectations early on, when online, it avoids losing time with the wrong ones. Just as some men want more kids, others want no kids.. there is someone for everyone, I believe.

      1. Yes Henry, there´s soemone for everyone and that takes time and at least a meeting in person for maybe 3 or 6 or more months until that can goes on ..You are going absolutely the right way there and I will follow and do the same.
        I visited several times for several months the Philippines before and I´ve been already around the country.
        Visayas, Mindanao, Samar, Leyte, Zambales, also Cebu and Mactan. Very beautiful places.
        The best time I´ve had at Talikud Island and Davao. Very peaceful place and very clean. Also Meycauayan, Bulacan and around the outskirts of Maynila…
        I hope to see much more videos from you and by the way…I have also the idea to buy a motorcycle there and drive around…I think I could stay for one or two years around Cebu and go on proceeding then.I am looking also for a simple nipa bahay on a small island in a deep province for a simple pinoy style living.. I will find it , I am sure about.
        So long…have a good time and it´s more fun in the Philippines always…

    2. That´s an interesting question. I just can say, I am not into a young girl. Galing ako sa Alemanya.
      No, I think I am 51 taon gulang na at if I would look for a girlfriend , she could be also 55 or more..
      Depende sa charakter and the person and it depends especially when it goes to a relationship with a foreigner on some special things.Ang malaking problema ay: Ang pera .
      Not all foreigner are Millionairs like Filipinas ALWAYS thinking. That´s the biggest problem. Tapos, halos lahat ang mga foreigner want´s a simple life doon sa Pilipinas. Sorry about my Tagalog, nagaaral pa ako.
      So that´s no problem when a woman is much older than the foreign friend so long as they can be satisfied with the things they have together.
      I have the same journey like Henry ahead..haha..a ones mans journey into paradise.
      Maraming salamat

  20. Henry, you certainly have a good talent for conveying to expats and those married to filipinas (such as I will be in about 2 months) a broad array of subjects and different ways to see each one of those subjects. What we all have is an admiration for the filipina(s) but each in his own way a slightly (or vastly) different approach to pursuing or living our dream with these beautiful women. I like to call it our “similar differences” we have. Like yourself I set out to find a woman that was definitely okay with not having children (as I raised 2 wonderful kids myself as well). Also about 10-15 yrs younger. I found her for sure because she was the one reminding me that I would not change my mind about children.

    Henry, I do believe your heart will choose the month it will/might be time to take it to the next level, even though your brain is telling you it will be in March (thereabouts). Be open and ask yourself how you would respond to her, should she ask the same question about marriage to you at an unexpected time-you know …think about it during that midnight to 4 am time when even the crickets are sleeping. What will you say? I’m not talking about right now. What about if January rolls around and she tells you she has reached a crossroad? Because love grows in unexpected ways. You know…Scenarios played out in your mind. Just a thought to share for what it’s worth-and I hope and pray it all falls together nicely for you Henry.

  21. Henry,your a gifted writer. you bring everything to live. good luck on all your future relationships. donald- living in negroes occidental Pi.

    1. Thanks. I miss writing here, I’ve been so busy with the video aspect and now with this earthquake I’ve been covering that in video as well. But I intend to do more writing here very soon. 🙂

  22. i’m a single man.i’m in a relationship with a married woman who has a 7 years old child too.as a matter of fact i knew her as the love of my life since 5 years before her marriage.we could not get married together because of the social issues.and i never forget her for about 8 years after her marriage although i walked out of her life.but now this love relationship starts about 2 years ago again and since then i’m with her by her will as she starts it.i’m dying for her and she is the same but she has a life with a reasonable man and a child and she has no reasonable reason(socially)to leave that life.i can distinguish that how hard it is for her to continue this.morally she cant be with me and emotionally she wants to be.i loved her about 15 years (5 years before her husband even know her).i dont want her to be hurt.it doesnt matter that i’m a victim.what should i do for her.if i quit,she will hurt.if i dont she will hurt.what should i do for her not for myself?

    1. I know this is painful to hear, and I’m sure intellectually you’ve already considered this but.. you cannot have a life with a married woman. I know, I tried for 3 years and it simply doesn’t work. And if she were to leave her husband for you two, the fallout and consequences will be much greater than you can imagine. The longer the two of you cling to each other.. in that undefined gray-zone of emotion, to that degree neither of you can move forward in your lives. I know that really sucks on an epic scale but, that is the reality. Either you both throw all caution to the wind and build a life together.. accepting all the consequences of that decision… or you walk away and make a clean break of it. It’s too hard for you two to just ‘be friends’ like you’ve been trying to do. It only prolongs the pain.

      I made that break and believe me, it was incredibly painful. But the pain subsides. Then it returns, then it becomes a little easier to deal with. But now she’s able to live her life and I can live mine. You have to end any intimacy with her as well. That only blurs the lines into thinking you’re a couple when really you’re not. You need to talk with her and for the sake of both of you, both make a clean break and move on.

  23. “Any man who is willing to marry a woman with a child or children and raise them as his own is a good man in my book. A very good man and I tip my hat to you in admiration and respect.” Reekay. As my dear departed mother used to say…”A man who raises some one’s elses kid…is either a saint or a fool. Which one are you today…?”
    Great writting by the way. Just found your site the other day. I will be in your situation next year. Lots of great information. Tom

    1. Well, the way I see it is, anyone important to the woman I love is important to me. Including her parents and child, even if they’re not my parents or my child. I know there are many men who think that’s ‘foolish’. But upon examining how many of those men live their lives in other aspects, I really don’t want to be anything like them anyway. ha!

  24. You have posted some great videos and I wish you luck in your relationship.. I like what you have said because it makes so much sense and it goes along with my own knowledge. You need to know the person well, just over the internet does not cut it. I have been to the philippines 5 times in the last 20 years. I have been in two relationships. I think filipinas are great, but you have to really understand them too or its not going to work out. I think your doing it right because it takes time to figure out individual filipinas. They use there face to signal so many things that americans just dont do as much of. If you get a filipina that is the right match for you then in my opinion you will be the happiest man in the world. But i will also say if you get the wrong filipina, you could also be the saddest man in the world.

    1. Very well said. Taking one’s time for something as important as a life-partner is crucial. Taking the short route or “fooling around and falling in love” at the bikini-bar is just asking for one of those worst-case scenarios. I’ve met a wonderful Filipina 3 months ago, but I’m taking another 6 months to get to know her better, the reevaluate and see how it goes from there.

  25. Hello henry I am a single male from louisiana just about to retire in a year if i want too
    looking to go scout around over there to meet women is a week to short?
    like to go and meet you saw a lot of your web page
    thanks Will
    From louisiana

    1. If you’re looking for a girlfriend or wife, a week is pretty darn short. Maybe if you speak to and weed out some online and then spend time with them for a week you’d get a decent introduction. But honestly anyone can be on good behavior for a week. I’d say a week is enough time to just have some quickie-fun and go home. Building a relationship will take some time. I recommend from 6 months to a year in-person before making any big decisions.

      1. right on reply HENRY!

        from another Henry…i live in Negros Oriental 2 yrs now. Engaged to be married in 4 more months. i smile.

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