How Culture Affects Dating & Marriage – Interview with Payam, MA/Psychology

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Author: Reekay

About Me.. In 2011 I made the decision to move to the Philippines within a year. Since 2012 I’ve been traveling through various islands of the Philippines as a full-time Expat. (Mactan, Bohol, Panglao, Moalboal, Dumaguete, Bacong, Boracay, Cebu) I recently spent the year living in Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam.

Share with me here my ongoing adventures of life in the Philippines. Dating, vlogging, cooking, traveling and sharing the information with you needed to make your own plans for living as a full-time expat in Southeast Asia.
— Reekay


  1. I Recommend Christian Filipina Dating..
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    In this video I discuss, “How Culture Affects Dating & Marriage – Interview with Payam Heidary, MA/Psychology”

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    1. @The Expats Report by the way.. transferwise is a bank-to-bank service. so yes, you can send to your PH bank if you have one. but it is not for cash-pickup (like palawan or hueller).

      but if you have a transferwise debit card, you can use that to pull pesos out from the atm, with any atm-fees reimbursed for the first $200/month. (1% fee after that.)

    2. @The Expats Report Had a big bill last week for dental work here in the Philippines. Dentist does not take credit card or Paypal. I used my USA credit to send myself via Western Union. I found out afterwards that the credit company considers the transaction a cash advance and has extra fees /higher rates. In addition I believe it lowers your credit score.

    3. @The Expats Report i’ve done it in the past. simply use your Paypal debit card as the funding-source.

    1. Dear Chris – Please go back and watch the video again because nobody defined emotional intelligence as “reading physical details…” HOWEVER, identifying and regulating emotions in others (emotional intelligence) often requires the ability to read their body language or detecting or identifying “physical” [cues or details] which is reflective of a particular feeling or emotion such as anger, sadness, fear, joy, etc. For example: the physical details of their facial expressions (e.g., raising of eye brows, smiling, etc.) or physical details of their body posture (e.g., folding arms, tilting your head, etc.)

  2. Thanks for this Reekay, it’s always interesting to hear the views and experiences of knowledgeable people, Payam is a good guest, and you both interact well together.

  3. brilliant topic and two great smart men thinking deeply and logically, good info here 🙂
    I love the idea that if u do bring a foreign women to the west than its better if she older as she is more stable

  4. What a good interview Reekay!
    One of the problems I noticed that.all people have in a young relationship is projection. We project all the things we want to see in a partner on this new.person without realizing it. We as western men do it and filipinas do it as well. The resulting problem of disappointment sets in when we realize the reality often does not match our hopes. Very, very few people will match our dream mate and it is how we handle this fact that will often determine the success or failure of a relationship. You have to know what your willing to compromise on, and what your not, in this ideal. I call it being a realistic adult.

  5. Henry, you had the fellow.’s attention, but didn’t discuss Myers-Briggs personality typing to better understand yourself and potential relationships.

    1. i’ve done that with a g/f in california (about 20 years ago), it was eerily accurate. and, true to M-B.. we did break up within 6-months even though we were engaged.

  6. Payam, So True the value of a woman’s stock is high when she is young and reduces from there with time and age. Man’s stock starts low and builds and increases with time and age. I learned this a long time ago. Virgin, no thanks. Had a girlfriend tell me once that a man does not want a woman after age of 50. Mesopause is real and shuts most women down. Most excellent dis
    cussion Reekay. Lots of good reminders here.

  7. i love to talk to him….. as i hane lioed thid life,,,,,, sorry I dont want to say more but his work is great… Thiss is A man with slikk

  8. The same applies to expats who lives in Phils. The more educated they are, the more well-travelled they are the less likely they will turn into sexpats. Simply because they will want a Filipina who has got something between her ears not just because of what is some’thong’ between her legs. A Filipina here who has lived abroad way before I met my English husband. He loves me being westernised and at the same time-keeping my selected good Filipino attributes. He gave me a car the minute I arrive here in the UK and has pushed me to do things-play golf, spa with the girls, focus on my career and also bought me a beach house in Pinas! All this because he is confident within himself-quite rightly so! He is hot!

  9. It is complicated when you try to do things according to the norms of the society you grew up in. I did not follow the american norm, due to them being shattered when a child. I have resigned about having a family for age has caught up to me. I dont feel a need to have children any longer. I know its something which many asian woman want or need to feel fulfilled. I honestly dont trust woman in general I think its because I could not trust my own mother. Is it a burden? It has made me more self reliant and I know that I will die alone, I have a few long time friends which I take solice in. I dont like complication in my life unless the other person is honest, I dont think I was raised in an enviornment where a goal was for a loving family life, if you dont have something how can you exxpect or know it if its there. I think for myself, indepence life is for me. If there is another life after this one, then maybe if I am granted a mature loving parents who are capable of showing and verbalizing love for their children, then I might be more suited for that sort of a life. I dont want to create children burdened with the same circumstances I was born intol

    1. @Reekay’s LifeBeyondTheSea Its true, having had to be self reliant in respect of not being nurtured, since I was six years old I dont see any need of taking responsabilty for anyone else. I have been cheated on a few time which makes relationships something I dont want. I dont need nor want any scammers in my life and there are so many of them it gets to the point that it reinforces my caution of taking others seriously. Even today I was contacted on facebook by two scammers, I should of taken your advice over a year ago when you said to stay off DIA for there is 80 percent scammers there. I got taken by a Filipina , so now from the experience I know not to fall in love online. I rebounded and wont fall for DIA any longer. Only meeting in person is the way to go and even then I dont want marriage . I am ok with companionship but not where I am financially responsible for anyone else. I feel too many just want to use you if you have the means to survive in this economic climate. Hence scammers always keep me on guard.

    2. i think your outlook and decisions are very sound and normal for having had that sort of background. much in the same way a person might get cheated by a business partner, then decides to only run a new business as a sole-proprietor. not much motivation to enter a bad situation a second time.

      what’s good is you see the situation for what it is and accept it. this frees you to shirk off the demands of ‘society’ that says you’re supposed to have a wife, 2.5 kids, a dog and the white picket fence in suburbia.

      this frees you up to do pretty much anything you want to do. 🙂

  10. Your subject material is very appreciated and appropriate for this time period in to days world. Especially for individuals will to advance there personal well being- J Bragg

  11. The problem with Facebook and the filipinas on there, is that they hide under different names and its hard to find them or even know what they call themselves,,,, there is very few filipinas i have met that dont have more than one name, actually more than 2 names, you really dont know.

    1. @Reekay’s LifeBeyondTheSea I only have one FB acct, im not trying to hide from anyone, as a matter of fact someone tried to masquerade as me, and i asked myself, who the hell wants to be me, hahaha,,,, he was reported to FB , in which they did nothing about it, FB sucks

    2. very common in the ph. although sometimes it is because they create the fb-account using their sim-card, and then either lose the sim/phone or can’t remember the password and don’t have that sim anymore. few use email to set up a fb-account.

  12. The matching of partners ages in the Western countries is most certainly one of the factors contributing to the 50% + divorce rates. Females libido drops drastically when they get close/reach menopause (hormonal changes) while males libido remain high.
    Sexless relationships (and resentment from both parties, not enough/too much) lead to divorce (not mentioning other issues). A 10 to 15 years age gap (man/woman) should be a social norm. Nothing like the good old days!

  13. That would be had to do, my girlfriend has 4 or 5 accounts with about 4,000 friends on each account….. Great video guys

  14. I have a question: How would Payam describe the psychological reason for trolling on YouTube. My simplistic answer is they are extremely envious people.

  15. Your damn right she’s gonna change especially when the social warriors get a hold of her and start indoctrinating her with how white males are racist, oppressive and how exploited she is by being with you. If she is young and pretty then guys will be hitting on her constantly and asking her what she is doing with that old man even while right in front of you. The Marxist ideological variant called Critical Race Theory is penetrating every aspect of our culture through educational institutions and via the mainstream media and it won’t take long for Me TOO Feminist ideology to negatively influence her way of thinking. It would take a very mature self realized woman to resist the onslaught of propaganda that is presently confronting young people in America.

  16. Hello Henry and great session with Payam! My take on meeting Filipinas is this: For those that meet a Filipina and stay in the Philippines, your chances are greater than 70 percent that she will stay with you, live with you, and may eventually marry you. Why? Because several factors come to play. These include 1. the safety and security of her knowing her true friends and family are close by to help her and be with her at any given moment. 2. she is comfortable in her surrounding environment, including speaking her home language and knowing her surroundings.
    In regards to men who visit their girlfriends/fiances and then BRING them to their western country, these things may happen: 1. The fact that when you were with them in the Philippines, everything was a FANTASY at most. Yeah, you enjoyed your vacation time there getting to know her and her parents, her friends, maybe her co-workers BUT all this happened in HER COUNTRY AND WITHIN HER ENVIRONMENT. Now take her to YOUR country and different changes takes place. 1. the thought of her interacting in a very strange environment with strange people, different languages, different customs, behaviors, riles, laws, and FREEDOM will now come into play in her mind. Now, an example is one day you go with her to the supermarket, she goes into one aisle and you go to another. After 15 minutes, you look for her and find some random guy hitting on her and at the SAME TIME has given her his business card or number. Now, your thoughts after this ONE TIME is, WHY DID I BRING HER HERE? Random thoughts of INSECURITY, JEALOSY, and soon RAGE come into your mind.
    Now this may happen to those who date and bring over the younger Filipinas but I agree with Payam on the more educated, more experienced, more traveled, and older Folipina you bring here to your country, the LESS she will be influenced by things ( or guys) around her.
    Just my thoughts!

  17. I met a filipina 14 years ago online . She was previously married for 30 years to a filipino . I was previously married to an American woman for 23 years . I met her in 2006 , flew to Philippines in 2007 for 17 days , and again in 2008 for 48 days . Applied for a K1 visa in 2010 , and in May 2010 she flew into the USA . We got married 2 days after she arrived , and have been married for 10 wonderful years . My suggestion to any on , have a long relationship before you think of getting married , or bringing a woman into a different country .

  18. So very true my Filipino wife changed after living and working in the UK after 5 years she was more westernised than I was and left me high and dry, my lesion I learned is don’t bring them over go live with them in the Philippines.

  19. I enjoyed the interview. I took a few Sociology courses in college & have found it helpful in adjusting to the culture here. The advantage I had in an LDR was we were both able to chat on Messenger 10/7 for 10 mos. I also chatted with her friends & family at that time, including her daughters. When chatting with anyone it isn’t always, what they that is helpful but ask yourself why did they say it.

  20. Prenup ? I thought i could have attorney write prenup bring it to Philippines for her to sign not that simple she will need a Philippines attorney herself it similar to divorce as far as paperwork . You need international attorney who know laws from both countries prenup may mean little in Philippines with no divorce unless your rich. My comment i understand not fact i don’t know laws of ether country except no divorce Philippines only annulment. I lean toward forget prenup agreement i plan to have her part of my will anyway married or not at some point . Interesting topics Henry we can all learn

    1. @Michael Byrne a few clarifications;

      there is no divorce court and no divorce available in the PH. even if married to an expat. what there is in the PH is an annulment, which is not a divorce. a divorce is a dissolution of a marriage. an annulment is the voiding of the marriage stating it was created on false grounds. (usually incest, duress or mental incapacity.)

      an expat can divorce his filipina wife, if he does so in his home-country. once he obtains a judgment of divorce/dissolution in his own country, the PH releases both himself and the filipina to re-marry.

  21. Great topic! If people fall in “love” mostly because of physical attraction or hobbies, I think that their relationship would be on thin ice. Fragile. For me, there needs to be a strong spiritual bond, too. My Faith is very important to me and I need to know that my spouse would share those values… belief in God, commitment to family, respect for others, need to be honest, etc. I looked for this in the women I dated and in their family members and in their friends. I believe that I have found a Filipina who shares those values. The shared spiritual values are an important foundation for a strong relationship….in my opinion.

  22. Watching guys, good stuff, about the shoes maybe she could not afford shoes and well maybe the dress was borrowed,but understand what your saying Henry.

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