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Sexual Compatibility with Wide Age Difference
I've spent quite a bit of time watching Reekays videos, reading his posts and belonging to a Philippines yahoo group for several years and reading every post. I have been to the Philippines around 13 times for various lengths of time. My question is related to all the information relative to how there are so many happy marriages between 20 something Filipinas and 60 plus year old Westerners. My question actually comes from my brother who believes that the filipina would rather have someone her own age due to "better sexual compatibility" if you catch my drift. To all those who are happily married with this kind of age difference how do you manage this? Any filipinas care to comment? I can't find any information on this topic.
I'd say the first thing to nail down (no pun intended) is the definition of "sexual compatibility". It differs in the East from the West.
In the Western cultures, men and women are independent, outgoing and usually curious about their sexual frontiers. In Southeast Asia, Philippines in particular, the woman takes a submissive, demure approach to sex.
What this means is that, when with a western woman, she has needs and expects to be equally pleasured in the whole incident, every bit as much as the man.
But in the Philippines, (again, generally speaking.. there will be exceptions).. women look at sex as just one part of their obligation to make their man happy.
So, here's how it goes down (another pun) when it comes to sex and your question. In the PH, a Filipina is looking to her man (husband/boyfriend) to take the lead and show her what makes him happy. She is very willing to go along with whatever desires he has and rarely will voice any resistance to.. again, whatever makes him happy. She is looking to him to define how often, how long, etc. She does not bring 'demands' to the bedroom the way a western woman will.
So, if her husband is 70 years old and she's 22.. and he only wants sex once a week, same way each time.. she's happy with that. She won't push for more. She won't push for variety. If he's happy and content with that, that becomes their routine.
If her husband want sex ten times a week, sometimes in the morning, when she gets home from work or at 3am.. she's fine with that too. Why? Because it makes him happy. Same thing applies if he wants her to wear lingerie, try adult toys, etc.. so long as it is kept private, she is usually willing to comply. But.. if he talks about it to his buddies or word of what they do behind closed doors gets out to her family.. expect she will retract and not be so compliant in the future. Sex for them is very private and to be kept behind closed doors.
Which is great news for most men. Whatever their frequency is, a Filipina in love with adjust to that. The problems come in when the Filipina is not in love and she desires more sex than he can give or wants to have. But that's more of a bad-relationship issue, not so much a sexual compatibility issue.
Thank you for your quick response Reekay. I hope you're right. I love, love, love your You Tube videos. You're doing a great service. I hope to see more on this topic though I realize it is delicate. I have been married to two Filipinas. Both marriages ended in divorce after 5-6 years and I believe that bringing them here to the US had alot to do with it. Hope to meet you for lunch someday and tell you my story. I know you are all about Living in the Philippines and I have tried twice and decided I just can't do it for a number of reasons. I'd love to see you do a You Tube video on the pluses, minuses and pitfalls of bringing a Filipina to the USA. I'm in the process of doing it for a 3rd time ( love those Filipinas) with a lovely 38 year old with one child. I am retired and free to live where I want but the majority of men looking for a Filipina as a lifetime partner, (including me the first time), I believe, are working and may only have a 3 week vacation to work with. they don't have the luxury of living there for a year or two and knowing her for 9-12 months as you recommend. Any thoughts would be sincerely appreciated. Keep up the great work. Its truly worthwhile. You are giving something that can't be measured but is helping many.
I think Reekay knocked it on the head pretty right.
Unlike in Western realms, where it is common for a man to (sometimes) discuss his sexual exploits with his mates at the local over a few cold ones, that kind of thing is pretty much taboo in the Philippines, even if it is a one night fling. Whilst there may be some light hearted jibs between mates and family - it is just that, very light hearted and non-specific. A filipina (one with decent morals) would be aghast to learn that her partner was spilling the beans on their 'private' matters and could possibly even pack up shop and move on.
Filipinas (in general) also do not get overly fussed about age differences - although there is some shift in sentiments in this area nowadays, as they become more exposed to Western culture they see the differences. In my experience the closer to Manila you get, the more Westernised they are, this is just my perception. Don't let this fool you though - there is definitely a deep ingrained psyche in the filipina which adhears to (in a lot of cases) strict cultural and family practices.
If you find a Filipina who genuinely loves you, she won't really care if you are 30 or 60, as long as you treat her right and can provide for her. I believe in another post (maybe here or in the blog) Reekay touched on this to as well, most women, regardless of country are looking for a man who can support them and any offspring that may... well spring. It is a trait of the female creature to want a man who can provide for her future rugrats, a pretty simple and basic provision, filipinas are no different in this area.
Good stuff, thank you all. I am 63 and you going to be meeting a 32-year-old Pinay. I have asked her numerous times about the age difference and how it might be unfair to her but she says it’s not a big deal. I’m definitely not the man I was when I was 18 years old and it sounds like that’s not important to her at all.