Bad Romance & the Anti-Cinderella Syndrome – Expat Life

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Author: Reekay

About Me.. In 2011 I made the decision to move to the Philippines within a year. Since 2012 I’ve been traveling through various islands of the Philippines as a full-time Expat. (Mactan, Bohol, Panglao, Moalboal, Dumaguete, Bacong, Boracay, Cebu) I recently spent the year living in Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam.

Share with me here my ongoing adventures of life in the Philippines. Dating, vlogging, cooking, traveling and sharing the information with you needed to make your own plans for living as a full-time expat in Southeast Asia.
— Reekay

195 comments

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    My Story:

    After 49 years of doing the hamster-wheel in California, I finally left it all
    and decided to see what Southeast Asia had to offer. I moved to the Philippines
    for 6 years, experienced some of the best times of my entire life!

    Now, I am exploring again and living in Vietnam. Join me as I venture out to see
    more of Vietnam and the surrounding areas. I will share with you my thoughts on
    what I see and how I handle the various challenges of living as a full-time expat
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    — Reekay
    http://www.lifebeyondthesea.com
    #philippines #vietnam #travel

  2. Problem is: the world is moving away from Christ and what the role of man and woman is supposed to be in marriage.

    1. fhtrucker62 said the blind man ensnared by the devil to do his will… 2 Tim 2:24-26…. also 2 Corinthians 4:4..

    2. Michael Gray amen to that… I was sent to the Philippines by God Himself for ministry and to go meet my future wife.. I was totally shocked because I was not looking for a wife… I was only looking to do the will of God…I knew this Filipina for over a year n a half.. only as friends/brother n sister in Christ and nothing more.. I had prayed to God to send her a husband.. I prayed that she deserved one for accepting me as a man of God and comforting me during a very difficult season in my walk with God.. the next few days God began to show me that for doing His will in the ministry thus far, she was my blessing and to be my wife… He backed it with scripture as well.. I never proposed to her…,read Ruth 3 n 4… Boaz never proposed either.. God is good all of the time.. all the glory be to God n His Son Jesus Christ

    3. Christ was born by a promiscuous woman that could not remain loyal to her husband. After cheating on him and getting pregnant, she came up with a far-fetched story of immaculate conception. 
      I wonder if you would believe your wife or girlfriend if she gave you the same dishonest explanation?

    4. I used to believe that too. Then I researched Christianity, and saw it was stolen from the Egyptian, Greek, etc. religions which were based on Astro-theology.

  3. Time is a key element in developing a stable and lifelong relationship. Spending 4 weeks several times a year with your Filipina, or any other woman for that matter, doesn’t guarantee that you’ve found your next wife or life partner. If you’re not in a position to move to the Philippines permanently, then spend several years developing your relationship before investing your life savings into it. If the girl can’t commit to that, then she’s not the right one for you. It took me several tries at finding the right Filipina. There are good ones out there. You just need to let your age and wisdom overcome your manly desires. Patience, honesty, loyalty and kindness go a long way with a younger Filipina looking for a good Expat.

    1. @Reekay’s LifeBeyondTheSea
      True, it IS hard.
      Harder is living in bad relationships and going through the eventual breakdown.
      Either one is a choice we can’t really blame anyone else for.

    2. so very true. we all ‘know’ the phrase, “fools rush in”. but it’s still so hard for many to build a new relationship with patience.

    1. @Reekay’s LifeBeyondTheSea I would say the visa available to live 1 year in Vietnam as a retiree without going out every 3 months are quite limited. Language maybe be a problem too. The Philippines make it easier for expats at the moment. Not easy to meet a Vietnamese woman unless you want to marry her and you can afford a good lifestyle. Like you, I meet a lot of guys, in THailand in my case, that gave a lot of money to their Cinderella and later she dumped them.

    2. hard to say. the numbers say that more expats return to the PH and make less returns to Vietnam. but there is curiosity about VN so, could go either way.

  4. Reekay, you are one of the smartest youtubers. I am following your channel for many years and in that time period i learned aspects of life i would have never considered to be relevant for me. Growing up without a father, even at 36 years old i still learn a lot about life, that i should have learned from my father. I thank you for that

  5. Men have been groomed to love in a transactional way. To GIVE the amount of love they wish RECEIVE. IF I JUST LOVE her enough, give more, serve more, she will have no choice but to feel and act the same way in return. Oh what a disaster awaits the fool who believes a woman is capable of loving as deeply as a man. (White knights need not reply)
    The transactional method of relationship building is a sham. The other side feels ZERO obligation to fulfill the unwritten side of the contract. IF fact, she’ll very likely feel less attracted to you the more you grovel and shower her with praise, cash and prizes. Hard to let go of the contractual model of failure we’ve been groomed to perform. But there IS a better way! Thanks again for another insightful video!

  6. i’ve always thought it was crazy how these older guys who have so much life experience, some of them divorced multiple times or otherwise emotionally and/or financially wrecked by women in the west go over there and get destroyed again like they never saw it coming.

    my 2 cents are: if you want unconditional love buy a dog AND jerk off before making any important relationship decisions especially if it involves the giving of money to people you’ve never actually met.

  7. Women don’t love you. They love what you can do for them. Remember guys she’s not yours its just your turn.

    1. @Subotai lamest overused dig ever. I suppose it was cute the first thousand times it was used in 1992. Time to refresh your insult library. Jackass.

    2. everything in this life is temporary .Even when your wife loves you , once you die she moves on Daniel. Friends, family? Once you die you suddenly become the body . You wil be refered to as ”the body ”, not refered to by name .

      Life is great but its good to remember that we should view this world as a tourist (this life is temporary) . There is music everywhere because the silence is making people ask themselves: what the heck are we doing in this world. Whats the purpose of life?

      Peace be with you all

  8. It happens all over the world that some people (men and women) are so desperate for love that they try to close that gap between the one they find and themselves as quickly as they can. The pain of loneliness is stronger than the common sense of waiting to see if they found a good match. The hare wants to feel the exhilaration of winning as quickly as possible (being a tortoise is for losers!) Moreover, learning from others experiences has always been a problem for mankind (Yeah, it happened to Jim, that doesn’t mean it’ll happen to me.)
    Very good lesson, Reekey. Hopefully you’ve saved someone’s life tonight.
    Hopefully.

    1. Women like Housing: You buy when it shows appreciation. You sell when it starts to de-appreciate.

  9. The routine of getting down on one knee and professing your love comes out of pre-modern, pre-welfare society in which a YOUNG MAN, just starting out, had to establish his ability to house and care for a family and children. In those days there was no state to care for and support family members, and secondly, within the legal system then, the man had all the rights. So the woman had to be able to depend upon his honesty and sincerity in order to avoid being abandoned and left in servitude. That scenario does not apply to the situations we are considering here, but nevertheless the man, withyout thinking, is sticking to the FORM of courting and marriage without the REASON.

    Vacationing in Asia, the woman is surrounded by her society and has lots of options, whereas the guy is lonely ans waiting to be fleeced. Sure, it can work the other way, but a modern Euro/American man is much better off making friends or getting a housekeeper with privileges.

  10. Great video, thanks Reekay. I fall into the role of matchmaker. Due to your video’s and the Vlogs of other expats I can usually weed out the takers pretty quick. I’ve met a seemingly wonderful woman. She is a widow and she exhibits the characteristics of a matchmaker as well. She has a good job and is responsible. I have helped her with her wifi so she wont struggle to make ends meet. Everything is going well…..except she dropped the L bomb two days after we met online. I havnt even met her in person yet. She knew from the get go I “was the one”. She is very attractive and is not lacking for admirers but she latched onto me. I told her she doesnt know a thing about me and I might be a very bad person acting like a good one. She doesnt come across as desperate to me, and seems like a very good woman. I had to convince her to let me help with the wifi each month. The only red flag is the very fast “I love you” and yes it is very hard not to feel pressured into saying it back. Should I be worried? Opinions and advice please. Reekay if this is not the proper place, my apologies and I will set us a skype meeting with you. I just want a general consensus from those subscribers who have experienced this.

    1. @Richard Nyak thank you. I am still in the states, sorry for the confusion. I will make my first visit in late October.

    2. as for the immediate love-proclamation she gave, you’ve already made a note of it.. so proceed and wait until you could see yourself investing only in her for your possible future before telling her the same.

    3. VonFrag Esq Hey bro, i am really confused i can advise you as i have alot of experience. I presume you are somewhere in South east asia. Give me your Line ID so i can dissect your situation.

  11. There should be an island resort and at certain times, you sit around a fire and tell couples beautiful stories

    1. i’ve never been to one, but i hear they do have couple-retreats that do similar things.

  12. Nice Video – wish I knew about the 90 day rule sooner… It makes sense although $20 a month is quite small if they are traveling to see someone for an hour in Cebu. A reasonable amount might be 4-500 p a visit IF you really like them…. hard to tell what the right amount is.

    1. actually, in the PH travel across town in a jeepney or bus is only about 30 cents in most cases. for 500p they could travel to the other side of the island on a 7-hour bus trip.

      so $20 in a month is plenty. going beyond that and it goes from ‘dating’ to her profiting by being around you, which muddies up the waters as to ‘why’ is she really agreeing to see you.

  13. A lot of great observations there. From the stories I hear of I think people think they can buy love. That may not be the intention, but it seems to be the practice. I don’t think Cinderella was looking for a castle with a team of shiny new horses. She was looking for someone to care for her emotionally that she could share her life with.

    Americans think that success and happiness come from the checkbook. That will never really bring happiness. It is the time spent sharing experiences that are important.

    To recognize love I would refer to I Corinthians chapter 13. Read it and contemplate what it is saying. Takers do not love. Equal participation is not love. Really only givers are exhibiting love.

    Caution and discernment are needed to determine who your prospective mate is. If you enter the relationship as a huge giver you can easily excite emotions in the other that do not exist. You can also let those reactions cloud your discernment of who the other person is and what their true feelings are for you.

    Sex brings another layer of complications into the situation. It is much more than the act. It joins your souls together in a way that may hide your true thoughts and feelings even from yourself.

  14. Your video and words of knowledge where dead on! The majority of men are simply just too thirsty for the attention and affection of a woman.

  15. I did not get down on one knee for either of my wives. It saw it as such as submissive act that I just couldn’t. I am the head of the household, and could not overcome that view. I asked, because I wanted to get married to them, but it was not a begging ask. I couldn’t do that.

  16. Great video Henry!! The difficult part is finding that special person. You may really need to have thick skin and more importantly feel comfortable in your own skin.
    Jon

  17. This gentleman is brilliant, has a great demeanor including good judgment and forethought. If I were in need of a counselor he would certainly get my business.

    1. spot on!!!!!!!This guy nails it ,take your time time guys or gals .The truth will always reveal itself in time..

  18. I know quite a few Vietnamese who are “matchers,” as you say. Just friends. Almost all Russian girls, I have met, are “takers.” Bottomless pits for money.

    1. @Reekay’s LifeBeyondTheSea Though this is what they say, but deep down it is about their own Pride. No matter how poor some Vietnamese people are, it is not new to Viet culture. Some come from humble families that ingrain in them honor and pride. And then you have those who have lost it, and they are the scammers. You see this not only in Vietnam, but even more so the diaspora in Orange County and elsewhere, including NorCal. The reason for the Pride is keeping, or saving “Face”, which is a big deal in Vietnamese culture.

      I think language is the biggest obstacle because it causes problems with communication. Without proper communication which affects understanding, it is hard to connect on a deep level, which glues relationships aside from the intense physical (sex) bonding. And then there is the cultural compatibility and congruent goals and similar outlooks on life.

      Relationships are hard. And they take effort and work. But most of all, Communication.

    2. i agree. i dated several viet-women and they often pay their part in simple dates. part of this is that they’ve told me they don’t want to feel, ‘obligated’ by a man’s generosity. but they also want to just keep the exchange ‘even’ because they are Matchers who believe in an equal exchange.

  19. Cinderella wasn’t sleeping with several guys, and already had online “relationships” with 10 other guys when the prince met her. This example was a predictable disaster from the beginning. She was already in a relationship with a dangerous guy who was abusive to her. Any person with common sense would avoid such a situation or risk severe bodily harm from the jilted boyfriend. Bottom line is that there was something seriously wrong with your friend from day one. I absolutely agree with you that many emotionally unhealthy guys look for relationships in Asia. Edit: Excellent dating advice. Love the channel.

    1. The Macker: totally agree with you about that Aussie guy. There were too many red flags present right from the beginning.

  20. The Filipina may be a giver, taker or matcher, but almost always, her family (parents, siblings, etc) always comes first for her. Her husband/boyfriend may be important in her life, but never more important than her family.

    1. People everywhere want money,either for themselves or for entire family tht’ ppl survive..

      Pilipino earn money not for themselves but their family..

    2. “Her husband/boyfriend may be important in her life…” At first I thought you were referring to a the Filipina’s native boyfriend here.

    3. Yes, I observed that. Generally, its a good thing. The weak are supported by the strong. But I have seen a case where a younger brother, fully fit and a young man, sits at home doing nothing, has gotten into trouble, a spoilt lazy bum. And the older sister says ‘he’s my brother after all’. A younger sister produces 3 kids she can’t afford, but then ‘she’s my sister after all’. The negative side of family support is that it encourages irresponsible behavior. And the earning member has to bear the brunt.

  21. The illusory White Knight syndrome explained. Prince charming mythology. Smooth persuasive presentation. Cheers.

  22. 90%+ romantic movies have one of two endings. In the final scene… 1) a wedding. 2) the lovers had a problem, were apart thinking of each other, and then finally get back together. The End. But in reality it’s not the end, it’s beginning. In real life people sometimes change completely even after years of happiness. Feeling alone and not respected with the one person who is supposed to be your closest is worse than being alone. I don’t have all the answers. For me, it’s knowing when to respectfully move on if the time comes. Learning to love oneself and be content alone is something many people never give themselves a chance to learn.

    1. Most likely Feminists, who love the service and groveling of men and the seemingly free benefits of being a con or victim in the one sided sham.

  23. Probably the best video from your channel i have ever watched.This is true to any man anywhere in the world. This is reality not giving money even emotions. If a man is emotionally investing in a woman 100% its a loosing battle. Woow i am really impress this hit home to even friendship.I had few friends who were takers and i had to weed them out. Now i have only one friend who i have know for 12 years. Amazing bro hope you have good woman coming your way. Peace

  24. Being a “ Matcher” is the fair, and best way to approach relationships. A little common sense also goes a long way.

  25. What do you do when pheromones get in the way? I went mad over my wife’s smell. Continued to turn me on fifty years later.

    Great pics and I loved the content. Loved to think I’m a matcher, but I believe I’m really a romantic.

    1. The rule is: if you don’t have anything, they can’t take anything. Say “I want to, but I have no money, even my credit card is suspended and my bills are past due.. not sure what I am going to do” – watch how quickly they drop you and move on to looking for the next victim.

    2. “love is a powerful drug.” 😀 much like dieting or working out, it’s simple but not always easy. but it can be done with perseverance and focus.

  26. Great video, I am torn if I like the scenery, having been to southeast Asia it was very nice to watch versus seeing you talk. My Philipino friends told me to send no money after you meet then you can send some (but not a lot, the $20 rule is good) and see how things go. I like the “matchers” myself best.

  27. Real love does not require marraige. Great video Reekay. I think we are mostly fooling ourselves when we go to these countries and think it’s going to be different for us. I’m not saying you won’t meet a sincere woman. But it’s hard to be objective when you are emotionally involved. When I was in high school I dated a Chines girl. One day my Dad said to me “Son, a stiff p… has no brains”. I still remember that 40 years later.

  28. Excellent Video. I lost all my Cinderella bullshit story line crap after my 1st and only marriage failed ater 23 years. Was it tough for me to let somone new into my life, yes! But i did everything wrong, knowing it was right, to meet my philipina. It’s hard to explain but it follows a lot of what you say.

    First she knows I am not rich and I can not take care of her whole family. That was established way in the beginning when we first talked. As far as helping her, well I did, but I did it in a way she had to lift her self up and not rely on me. It was many tests over a year peroid to vet her. She passed all of them. I simply provided her with some tools to better herself and sat back and watched what would happen. Well, shut my mouth, she exceeded and excelled.

    I watched many of your videos, Ironically in one of them,
    I watched recently was where to meet good Philipina woman, and you stated clearly that the good ones for potential marriage are best found away from the big city’s and malls. Sir, you could not be more correct.

    Anyway heading back this February. She is a keeper!!!!!

    1. Good for you James!  My situation is very similar.  I meet a nice Filipina and have helped her get an education so that she can take care of herself.  Now 4 years later, she’s doing well – and so am I.

  29. Nice Henry, yes I had two (NEEDING) me after less than a week.It was interesting, exciting, but very off putting. And o need to rack my brain about it either.
    I think after talking and listening to guys our age, (Tweeners) we more or less have the same out look about relationships. Also I was lucky having both parents seeing their relationship as equal. They had their rolls, but shared the responsibilities together.
    I like the Matcher scenario, explains me, but I don’t keep a talley. Any relationship, romantic, business, or what ever, Is it based on mutual growth where both people walk away better for it. Keep the great videos coming, and thanks for sharing your time with us! Salamat Po!

  30. Very good review about looking for love in Southeast Asia. You do a good discoursing these areas of relationship….have fun and thank you.

  31. i agree with you 100 % , the deal is women get all your resources in exchange for exclusive sex , am i wrong ?

    1. It may be true with some women, but if that was universal, no marriage or relationship would be successful.

  32. I learned the hard way in the Philippines that love is a business and many see the foreinger as a walking atm and they well scam the foreigner for as much as they can before its over.

  33. excellent video well thought out and presented and oh so very true and aggravated by the pervasive feminism in the west where they are entitled to take from you with no return (after all it is their right). I also learned, judging by the pictures you are a coffee hound LOL

  34. Of course people will think your stupid if you invest $120k in a relationship after 3 years with no returns, I would have ended it after $120 bucks,no amount of money is going to buy you love, money should not even be factor in forming a relationship, if anything that should be red flag to get out,A lot of men are obviously thinking with the wrong head.

    Just out of curiosity, would you class Gina as a giver, taker,or matcher?

  35. I miss the days of your earlier videos were you traveled the Philippines and it was an awesome adventure every video. Hope you can get back to that someday.

  36. This story happens in the USA too!! So expats, I would suggest just marry American women if the outcome is the same, am I right?

    1. Are you trying to advertize yourself here? No, thanks. We got enough of the Western emancipation and looking for traditional values in life.

  37. The problem is thusly, Most western Males have been taught or led to believe they have little to no value outside of financial support. Sadly, a lot of Men have bought into it and essentially view or compare themselves and their personal value based upon the size of their bank accounts.

    Used to be a time when Men were valued for their wisdom and who they were as a upright Man. In a material driven society where things seemingly matter more, wisdom is pretty much despised and belittled, but who we are is always more important than what we materially possess

    First step IMHO, is for a Man to work on the best Man he can be and NEVER, promise any woman anything more than his love. To gain some self respect and realize they themselves have tremendous value and stop giving everything up so easily is sorely needed in the west. I expect my wife to be my partner, not dependent. I did not come to create a princess, I came to have a mutually beneficial relationship and to build a life together.

    I’m very tired of seeing guys get run over for what in the end amounts to not much more than physical intimacy and they are so conditioned by this false view that they cannot see it is their own lack of self respect that gets them into trouble.

    Normally they blame the woman for their shortcomings. They come and shower a woman with everything like reekay said, expecting they will love them. The woman has no obligation whatsoever to prove herself worthy, by default she gets it all with near zero in return, she is not required to show respect or for that matter anything.

     Reekay, I have a ex friend who beats your friend, who came here and against all my advice and even yours as he often references your videos to others as advice. My wife and I tried very hard to help him, yet he came and married a girl within 3 months of meeting her online through supposed friends. He has spent almost all of his available cash all in a period of 6 months. Maxed out CC’s and most painful for us, actually threw my wife and i under the bus, even stole from us and is currently putting money together to build a approx 2 million peso home which is his max affordable home at this stage, a home she wants, Giving everything for what many refer to as a big time gold digger. When you say this behavior boggles your mind, this guy is almost beyond comprehension, but I see it all the time here at various levels.

    This is the insanity and insecurity I see in many western Men. I used to feel sorry for guys like him but fact is, they think strictly with the wrong head and there is no stopping them once this takes over and they just won’t listen to any sound advice. losing everything is probably the best medicine for them. Hopefully they at least escape with their lives.

    Do I blame the women? Partially, yes, but i lay blame on the guys mostly. I used to think it was terrible that “scammers’ would take guys money. Not anymore, If these guys are that stupid to just give everything away, including their emotional investment, not knowing a thing truly about a woman, other than he is attracted to her, and she never is required to prove herself before jumping in, then to me, it’s no different than playing Russian roulette with a fully loaded gun in regards to their wealth and these guys get what they deserve and need, a hard knock lesson.

    Cinderella syndrome is hard to break as many do it over and over, never realizing it’s their paradigm that needs a shift and thinking and acting upon the strictly physically lonely aspect of their one dimensional thinking little buddy below the belt has very little logic to add to the situation.

    I say you go girls. Take the idiots money before someone else does, after all, they’re basically treating you like a sex object, Guys don’t care about who you are obviously by not getting to know you, they like your body, and most women in that industry get paid quite well for their services. All things aside, it’s amazingly easy to con guys so desperate for the slightest attention from a younger woman or any woman for that matter from those starving for affection of any kind.

  38. I’ve learned to keep it simple. It is all about Connection and then Compatibility. If those 2 elements don’t exist, neither will the “relationship” short and long term. Part of being able to love is to have the other show reciprocity. Unrequited love doesn’t and won’t ever work. And if you’re afraid of losing, you will never be able to love. To Love is to lose (sometimes). These are the basics that i’ve applied and have served me well. And the tell-tale sign is if my partner is initiating the sex.

    Being an expat is even harder. Because those women can sense needy or men pursuing too hard or they have pre-disposed prejudices against the “farang” or “gringo”, foreigner.

    Best relationships are ones that start off “just happening”, or in church.

  39. Excellent analysis, identifying three basic types of individuals, the pitfalls of “takers” and “givers”, good logic for people to cultivate the “matcher” individual, as he/she is emotionally invested but remains rational by waiting for reciprocity.
    I personally have been in a relationship with a “taker” and played the “giver” and did not have the fortitude and emotional strength up front to demand reciprocity, and because I aided this “taker” mentality in her, she could not understand why I later switched to the “matcher”, her response was total rejection and destruction of our relationship, but in the end its better to have loved and lost, then to have remained an emotional fool investing in a non reciprocal relationship.

  40. When you listen to songs, you will notice, if you pay attention, that men sing about women in a pedestalization kind of way, idealizing the woman, that kind of thing, but when women sing songs about love, they sing about bad boys, pretty much without exception.

  41. I lived in the Philippines for six years, as an Expat, and I am here to say that once again, Reekay is exactly on the money here. Every word he speaks is totally true. One thing he does not mention is that appreciation does not exist in the Filipino culture. Yeah, I know what you are thinking, “That’s BS! Appreciation is a natural human quality, we all process!” That’s what I thought before I went to live in the Philippines. . . . No, not so! Appreciation, and gratitude are learned behaviors. It took me two years in the Philippines, two marriages to Filipinas, and six other American friends, who married Filipinas, to finally – finally accept this.

    1. We as men, throughout time, have programed them to be that way. They are wired that way because we as men have been the electrical technicians over time .

    2. I think it’s just women in general who do not appreciate or show gratitude for kindness done to them. “What have you done for me lately” is the name of the game for virtually all of womankind. It’s just how they’re wired.

  42. The Eagle & the Kite
    An Eagle sat high in the branches of a great Oak. She seemed very sad and drooping for an Eagle. A Kite saw her.

    “Why do you look so woebegone?” asked the Kite.

    “I want to get married,” replied the Eagle, “and I can’t find a mate who can provide for me as I should like.”

    “Take me,” said the Kite; “I am very strong, stronger even than you!”

    “Do you really think you can provide for me?” asked the Eagle eagerly.

    “Why, of course,” replied the Kite. “That would be a very simple matter. I am so strong I can carry away an Ostrich in my talons as if it were a feather!”

    The Eagle accepted the Kite immediately. But after the wedding, when the Kite flew away to find something to eat for his bride, all he had when he returned, was a tiny Mouse.

    “Is that the Ostrich you talked about?” said the Eagle in disgust.

    “To win you I would have said and promised anything,” replied the Kite.

  43. Having learned all of this the extremely hard way, one of my fondest wishes in life would to save so many thousands of foreigners from predatory Filipinas, which means ALL Filipinas. I know not about other ethnic groups, only about Filipinas, after having lived in the Philippines for six years, married two, and had six American friends who also married them. Nothing but heart breaking, choking grief.

  44. Good Vid, very well thought out……..i agree, with the give, take and Match idea…….one thing to remember though, is economic situations between the 2 people…..both need to give from the heart, and the mind, and feel it in their soul…….if it dont feel right, they usually, its NOT….takes good intuition on the broader picture of things. Gr8 job RK, keep on keepin on. 🙂

  45. Men that go to the Philippines looking for love have to get out of the I will win her over by my wealth syndrome. As you have stated it takes time to get to know anybody on a deeper level. It helps if you want to have a loving relationship you have life goals in common and you like each other for who you are. You are not pretending and you are just looking for a sexual relationship. Why? Even if the sex is good you have to be able to talk to each other. Once the sex ends what else have you got? No one seems to realize that staying together for years is a long long time. If you do not have some other bond then most relationships are bound to fail. Men are blaming women for treating them as ATM’s. If money is all you can offer what do you expect??

  46. had an IDIOT female boss DUMP her entire life for some cop in Scotland, he visits a couple times, she’s all “we’re gonna ‘galavant around the globe'”–turns out, she is a prostitute, he figured her out, got her there and turned her out (i saw the nasty pix) then i had to SAVE her…got her dumb ass back–then she goes psycho stalker bitch as a thank you…i’m still living with a bit of fear as she now hawks a book CLAIMING she was ‘sex trafficked’ BS!!! she was a sex trafficker…doing ‘johns’ IN MY BED WHILE I’M AT WORK…..and NO i was NOT involved with the jackass…i just wanted her to do what she said….’stop using men for her financial benefit’!

  47. One of Reekay’s earliest videos sums it up perfectly.
    Everything you thought you knew about western dating, forget it here. We come from a mindset of scarcity into an environment of abundance. In the West, you’re jumping through hoop after hoop, competing with every other simp for mediocre tail. Let it GO! This is what you’re leaving behind. For maybe te first time in our lives, WE are the prize! Takes some serious getting used to but oh! That glow on Reekay’s face as he reveals this PHILIPPINE truth! Haha! You can tell he’s enjoying being pursued, even to the point of being picky about which 9 & 10’s he’s interested in! Mildly annoyed by it even? Hehe! LOVE!!

  48. Pussy is overrated, love . Marriage and happy relationships are just a false projection created in movies and advertising , in reality love is at a cost , monetary , time etc , it’s how much of life your willing to give to get it …….. better off being single and screw around ….

  49. The blinders have fallen away from your eyes my friend. Actually, it seems you have been on to this for awhile. It happened to me when I was in my late 50’s. Like Neo in the Matrix, you have taken the Red Pill. A bitter pill, yes. But I for one am so glad to have taken it…and even as late in life as I did. The “powers that be” want you to fritter away your life…and especially your money on women. As a man you should know that you a but a resource, and a disposable one at that! Movies, TV, music, schools…even our own friends and families… seek to keep us in the dark. No, sadly, romance does not exist. But if we as men see women and relationships for what they are, and not as others would wish us too see them, then fine and mutually satisfying relationships between men and women are certainly possible, and in fact, most desireable, But only then I believe. Great video as always, and filled with hard won knowledge and insight.

  50. A lot expats screw themselves by not understanding the culture, too busy looking for love, instead of focusing on yourself and passion enjoy your life have peace, quiet, serenity. She has to compliment your life. Reekay great video.

    1. sutch a stupid question.. he is talking about what he knows about. he is currently learning Vietnam i believe.

    2. my interests and my channel are about, ‘life.. beyond the sea’… expat life and things related. my channel is not about where i live.

  51. Wow that’s a great explaination of any relationship in any country . Takers n givers n matches .. 10 years n 2 kids later n not married. I think wow what has she ever done for me ..I’ve never asked anything from her. A true taker in life.. I wait to be surprised with .. Do you want a hand with that honey or its ok I will pay.. Ha ha that never happens. like you say things are conditional like love n giving of time etc only to be thrown back in your face if sometimes things don’t suit them.. These are not matchers but selfish self centred type what’s in it for me types. I think there are four types of groups.
    Loved the thoughts n explanation . Good job thankyou

  52. I think you should do or start a podcast.  This is a great video, but could also work as a podcast I could listen to in the doctors office waiting room or while driving or on the bus.

  53. A man in his late 30s fell in love with a prostitute in a foreign country. She smoke, heavy drinker and did drugs (the sponsor didn’t have any of those habits). He was sending this woman lots of money, brought her a car, motorbike and cell phone, computer, buying her clothes, jerseys and baseball caps that she would let other men wear and tried to pay for to go school. The girl got pregnant for a man in her country. Dude cut ties with her briefly but took her back and started sending her more money. He didn’t see her for a year and half because of work commitments. During that time of him being away she got pregnant again for the same man in her country and hid the baby from the sponsor. Later she introduced the child to the sponsor saying that this is her drug abusing cousin’s baby that she was taking care of, but the child was her’s all along. The sponsor was taking care of the woman and the two young children. There is much more to this story, but I will cut it short. There is a song in USA called, “When a Man Loves a Woman.”

    1. reminds me of that business/investing axiom, “throwing good money after bad.”

      it’s amazing how many guys can’t figure out it’s time to cut their losses and move on. they don’t seem to realize “that woman” is NOT the last coca-cola in the desert.

  54. I think the bottom line is we should bring our on spouse to SE Asia. After many visits it is Obvious this is a different world with different cultural ideas when it comes to relationships and how they feel that western man are obligated to support them and their families. Unfortunately Western men are very gullible when it comes to women that shows them attention. There are serious ethical issues when it comes to Asian women. They use their beauty and charm to Con men from all over the world. We all need to wake up.

    1. what happens with so many new expats is that they have had a ‘dry spell’ after a divorce in their home country.. then they arrive and are flooded with attention from younger women. they lose their bearings, start ‘winging-it’ instead of having a plan and guidelines in place.

      next thing you know, he’s hitched his wagon to the wrong woman.

  55. A person’s actions are who they really are. Words only can be believed if they match their actions. Otherwise it’s just sweet mouth! Not reality!

  56. Sadly the giving stems from the church / religion conditioning from a very young age. The conditioning stems from The Bible. we are taught:, we are supposed to give instead of receive. But in reality from my own research I realized, that type of conditioning is what keeps a person in poverty and being a victim. Good job reekay, The best position in life is to be a matcher

    1. From a very young age my education was deeply rooted in the Bible. I can assure you that its wisdom in these matters are unequivocal. For those seeking a handout, it very strictly says “if you do not work, neither shall you eat” – and it goes further – you are expected to be a good steward of God’s gifts (which includes any money you have), and that means being wise and making every penny count toward God’s plan, not yours and certainly not some woman you meet online, even if she is in need. Whatever “plight” she may be in, saving the body is less important than saving the soul. God is in control – any struggle through difficulties in life can be a blessing that strengthens faith… use the opportunity to share your faith rather than your wealth. Back to your point, maybe the problem is the lack of knowledge of the Bible and its misinterpretation by the masses. Deeper study of the Bible is the easy fix.

  57. Great advice, but to get really in depth knowledge on the mind check out Jordan B Peterson, one of the great minds of our time. Even You Reekay can get something from him.

  58. I never associated the knee with assets… I think it simply goes back to the old “fool and his money are soon separated”

  59. I like Thai women , they get on their needs for men loves. Western men watch too much TV romance is foolishness

  60. Forget about the big word (relationship) there is no such as .relationship either you are the taker or the fool. Asian women admire takers , not fools

  61. These hoes ain’t loyal. But seriously part of the problem people coming from western countries can’t seem to understand is just because you can come to a poor country throwing your money around doesn’t mean you’re going to buy love. Whether in a rich or poor country people are people and women are women. You have millionaires in the US who can also throw their money around and get women but that woman is likely not in love with you. She may tolerate you or even like you but the heart wants what the heart wants. Those are the women that marry millionaires but cheat on their husbands with their personal trainer.

  62. Women are attracted to bad boys- because they instinctively want to change them into a good boy. Prince Charmings get eaten alive. Just the way it is, protect yourself.

  63. Hahahahahahaha! Love it Reekay. Relationships in the west have changed tremendously, there is no social eye on us as judgement of our relationship choices. Women today can bed jump as Goldilocks did. It’s easy for them to branch jump when a higher up branch comes along. Men who open their wallets without understanding who that woman is in their lives, well school of hard knocks is a humbler of life! Regarding some women in the East, well, expats are a target as there are groups who wait and pounce on you like a slab of meat in a lions den. If you want to meet a real Asian lady your western looks will only give you a 10% advantage. Don’t just jump into a relationship, just as you would back home, meet, get to know each other and let time take it’s natural path. Sex for sale is rampant in the East as it is in the west! In the East they have a rating system on you at first glance and don’t for a second think they are simple !! They are sublimely clever! Go slowly, know the culture know your surroundings look at a lady of your choice and notice what and how she conducts herself…good luck!! Do not think they are simple!!

  64. Anti-cinderella.. Yep. I married a Thai lady. Did all the right things according to Western Culture. Rings.. Wedding.. Honeymoon.. The works… I got burned baaaad.never saw it coming… One year after marriage she found another guy. Another victim… another income stream. The humiliation of being divorced by a woman that was born in a f’ing rice field was tough. Zero gratitude or understanding on her part. Onwards!

  65. That is exactly what my “former” Latina wife, from Colombia, was. She used me for a Green Card and fitted the Anti Cinderella description to a Tee, with part of the problem being the US Immigration system, where you have to marry your fiancee within 90 days of arriving in the US. This left no time to really get to know that person. I eventually found out what she really was sent her on her way, which was only possible because I made her sign a pre-nup first. Needless to say, the pre-nup saved my ass and in the end, I was out a little bit of money and time. My advice is; don’t give up, but take your time to get to know that person first, learn to say NO, and get a pre-nup if you decide to marry.

  66. Reekay this was a BRILLIANT video! Pure Gold!
    A few years ago I went to an estate sale of a guy who’d just got back from the Philippines. He was selling everything to go back and build a house on a beach lot he’d bought and be with a woman with 3 or 4 kids he’d met and was CRAZY over. I always wondered if she had put a spell over him or had a magical coochee or what, and how things turned out for him.

  67. The worst investment a man can make is a woman. He must be able to walk away at anytime. A woman’s actions always dictate whatever she says.
    Female nature is the same all around the world their hypergemus naturemay not be as high as in the west but.it’s still there.

  68. Some asian women I’ve met are nice but some are the most ruthless, mercenary liars and human beings on the planet. They do not relate money or good deeds as building blocks to a relationship like western men might. They simply believe your assets are there for the taking and are simply coming to them for a smile. You might get laid here and there but when the money or assets are gone the smiles, dating and relationship, whatever stage its in, are done and over. Simply mercenary people. Forget asia, do yourself a favor and stay in the west and find a girl who will appreciate you for who you are.

    1. i’ve told so many new expats i’ve met with…, “the good ones are really good, and the bad ones are really bad.” this is why Time is so important, to flush out the bad ones from their disguise in those first 3-months (the 90-day rule).

      when you encounter a loving filipina, truly loving.. she will take a bullet for you. but if you tangle with a bad one, she will leave you homeless on the street as she walks away with your assets. so, take your time. observe their priorities and character.

  69. Speaking to the land story……..I guess that assuming the girl comes into the relationship with the same amount of land….? Normally its debt and or expenses.

  70. I just returned from a visit to Angeles City. Met a bar girl who I spent 5 outstanding days with. GFE. Now im home and depressed. Funny a week after I got home she sent a message about her dad in an accident and needing help. Well, I basically said no I can’t help, I’m broke. I think she just blocked me on her WhatsApp. Anyway, I find myself trying to reach out to her. I feel compelled to send money to offer support. But this video just set me straight.

  71. What you covered in 43 minutes should be a book. Your philosophy and style is sounding more, and more, like C.S. Lewis.

  72. To make a long story short, beauty on the outside is more expensive than beauty on the inside… Or beauty on the inside is less expensive than beauty on the outside.. Take your pick….

  73. Great video Reekay,it’s definitely something l will forever keep in mind in relation to not trying to be the white night.
    Thank you Reekay.

  74. REEKAY, this one is so valuable, thank you so much for your development of the stories to get all of this to make sense.

  75. Thank you Reekay for your insight on this subject. I had a filipina girlfriend f almost 5 years. The last year in the realtionship, she wanted me to get her Aunt some bath towels for xmas. I said sure. I never did get any “thank you” from the Aunt so I had a hunch that the towels went to my girlfriends family in the PH. Than one night she called me and she began to ask for money for her sick son in Mindanao. She was living here in Los Angeles with her Aunt. She told me that nobody else would help her so she asked me. She was living here illegally. I said no. I received a sad face on my text from her. I stopped talking to her than. I don’t think that I’m a cheap person but I do watch my finances. I had the feeling that this Aunt that she was living with was giving her bad advice. The Aunt recently had a divorce and was a very bitter person towards men. This girlfriend never was allowed to spend time with me at home. My girlfriend said that her Aunt told her that she must do wantever she tells her to do or else, she would be sent back to the PH. Sounds just like Cinderella story.
    Back in the 80’s there was a guy on the radio that talked about relationship. You might of heard of him Tom Leykis on KLSX 98.1 fm when you were in California. He was a entertainment show but some of his advice made scents.
    Sorry for the long comment.
    Thank you for your videos and I will continue to enjoy more from you.

  76. Love is a two-way street or a give & take. It can never work otherwise. It doesn’t have to be money either. I decided I didn’t want my GF working the unGodly hours she was, so I ask her to quit her good job ( for other reasons also ) & go to her family. It took a lot of trust on her part to do it but, she did. I have provided for her for the last year. She works at our Sari X2 store that I provide the rent & stock. She spends the profit on us.

    Now we are headed back to Davao for Bohol & they have asked her to come back to the cantina that she ran before she left. What does she intend to do with the new inflow of money? Buy new clothes or something for herself? Nope, she wants me to continue to pay the rent & utilities but, she now wants me to keep the rest of my income in the bank as our savings and she will take care of the rest of our expenses. It is a two-way street. By the way, I am happier than I have ever been in my life.
    I recommend all of Mr. Reekay’s blogs to expats even if you do not think they pertain to you.
    You never know what the future holds.

  77. I know that it’s just an analogy, but the coins in the bag could be seen as a belief in relational equity. Women do not believe in relational equity nearly as much as men, if at all.

  78. Putting money into bag a poor filipina 5% may be a lot for her were 95% is nothing to him rarely equal yoke in Philippines. Money can be a test for her no matter how much she contributes if any. You only hope buying property married or not she fair in a split she don’t have to be . Don’t invest more than your willing to lose even if married.

  79. This video provides a very balanced treatment of the topic. Everyone should sit back and listen to the wisdom.

    1. thanks. i hope it helps other men to re-think their assumptions and approach in relationships.

  80. Love this, really hit home. I have been the giver for two years bout time to move into the matcher 😉 thanks for this Reekay . great job on this one

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